A little uncertain...

[jbritte2]

Hello,

Im dating this wonderful guy who I started dating 7 months ago. It is long distance. We have been friends for awhile first. He came into town to get away on a retreat to focus on God and read some books on how to be a man of purity. He expressed that he has looked at porn and hates it.

I respect him for sharing that with me. He proceeded to tell me that he came across porn because his non-Christian brother lives with him and down loads it onto the computer but tries to hide it from him. My boyfriend came across it and that is where the struggle began. The computer belongs to his brother and they share it. So with that, any computer program that tracks websites wont work (Covenant eyes.com)

I asked him to get an accountability partner and he said that he does not really look at porn and his pastor (of a really tiny church) does not have time to hold him accountable. All of his close friends are in other states. Again, his church is really small and he has a hard time finding accountability with his busy work schedule. He mentioned to me that he does not really struggle with it and he is fine. He is very much a gentleman toward me in our relationship sexually and we both desire to be pure and save sex for marriage. I would say we generally have a happy relationship.

He asks me not to communicate with him over e-mail and would prefer to stay off the computer. He seems to be trying and reads the word daily.

I guess my question is - should I insist he have an accountability partner? Should I insist that he make his brother have password controls on his desktop? How much should I be demanding of him in this area? Shall I just trust him and take his word? I feel okay but not great about all this. I guess I get a little irritated with his pastor or any church that does not hold some sort of sexual integrity support for its members...My boyfriend does get a little defensive when we address this.....Its just all a little unclear to me....Im open to anyones thoughts....

[Forum Administrator]

Hello jbritte2 and welcome. I'm jumping in a bit late, but jumping in all the same. I'm not clear on something: why does your friend need an accountability partner? Something is not quite adding up. Does he or does he not have a problem/struggle with porn/sexual issues?

My boyfriend came across it and that is where the struggle began.

He mentioned to me that he does not really struggle with it and he is fine.

Not that there's anything wrong with it, but is there a particular reason why he is putting focused effort into being a man of purity? Whose computer is it and whose house/apartment is it--his or his brother's?

Its just all a little unclear to me

It's all a little unclear to me too. Let's get some clarity first so we know what we're dealing with and try to work from there.

[jbritte2]

My boyfriend is living with his brother and the house belongs to his brother. They have two computers. THey share both. Porn is on both of them. Jase claims he does not look at the porn on the shared computer. Jase remodels homes and not on the computer often. He asks that I dont send him e-mail as he prefers to be on the computer as little as possible.  Does this info help?

[Gracious]

I'd responded to you, but I'm uncertain as to what happened to my response.

Oh well...

Hello My Sister,

Pornography "appears" to be a serious issue among Christ-followers.  That statement may surprise some; but more & more ... as our society becomes transparent, we see this demonic force uncovered by the media.  Excuses, excuses & more excuses (It's not me ... its ...) "appears" to be the norm for those who are caught (exposed by their "own" consciences or by someone else). 

"jbritte2", Is whether this young man that you care for, actually the owner of those computer(s) or simply has consistent access to them, really the issue?  Or is it "pornography" & the impact that this shameful demon has & may have on your relationship with this man that you love - the issue?  I ask this because, you'd shared that your love interest "volunteered" this info. to you, without any apparent pressure or foreknowledge of this on your part.  Which leads me to believe that there was some reason for him to feel the need to share this with you?  And I'm led that THAT is why your spirit is sooooo uneasy.  Does he or does he not have an issue (an inner weakness) with pornography?  From your O/P, I gather that you are unsure about this. 

Honestly, (and I ask your patience with me here) I'm led from the details you've given in your O/P, that spiritually, you do know the answer to that question, but your mind & heart want to believe the picture that your friend has painted for you of himself. 

Finding someone of the opposite sex that you can connect with on an "honest" - godly level, is what anyone who knows the LORD hopes for ... Amen?  Presenting yourself in the best possible light is also very normal, especially when you REALLY care for someone.  But if you EVER find yourself asking questions that speak to that other person's veracity (truthfulness) during this process ... please consider that YOUR inner-self (The Holy Spirit working within you) may be trying to protect you. 

What do you do when these questions arise within your spirit??? 

Perhaps listening even closer to what GOD is showing / telling you, by meditating (through prayer) to The FATHER, bringing your concerns to JESUS & HE through the COMFORTER will show you the TRUTH about the man that you care soooo deeply for. 

A certain TRUTH about your friend (does he or does he not, have a pornography issue ...etc.) may never be exposed to you from heaven through your prayers, unless GOD has chosen you as a guide to both expose & or lead your friend away from this demon! Rest assured that if you TRUST HIM - GOD will expose to you whether this man is THE man (Mr. Right) for you.  And if he is for you ... it is GOD who will do the preparing of him for you - not you.  Meaning, you will be given a spiritual peace as an exchange for any uncertainty.  As you're FIRST LOVE (your FATHER in Heaven) will present you to your husband. 

Please take this "earnestly" to GOD my sister, & love HIM enough not to be afraid (cautious) of the help - knowledge & wisdom that HE will show you.

Finally,

Whatever our concerns, we will never hear from Heaven if our "concerns" control our DIVINE relationship with GOD!  If we ONLY go to HIM when we are confused, scared, & unhappy ... then it will be THOSE issues that drive us & NOT a sincere LOVE for HIM & who HE is ... Amen?  Going to GOD ... FIRST because HE created us, because HE FIRST loves us, because HE makes ALL that is crooked (sinned-sick) within us straight (righteous), because we LOVE HIM FIRST ... will supernaturally allow all else that we could ever ask of HIM, to be within HIS Will, and HE will grant it!



From my heart,


Gracious