Odd text messages...from friends husband

[gracegirl]

Hello moderators and saints,
I'll just cut to the chase, I'm friends with a married christian couple. We are all in the same industry, been to there house, hung out and recently I produced a  project that the husband  came too support. His wife was out of town.We talked industry small talk and exchanged numbers. Next thing I know he's sending me text messages every other day such as "Just checkin in, how are you, off to work etc". Why do I need to know that? I text him back asking him not to text me. Am I jumpin too conclusion or is the  red flag set off in my spirit accurate? Which brings up another issue. I'm a gorgeous single woman of God, not trying to sound conceited, but I find that a lot of my married friends husbands will say things to me that sound a little off to me when the wife isn't present. I DONT carry myself in any suggestive way when I'm around my married friends or say anything suggestive. Should I just keep my distance from my married couple friends or  just hang with my married girlfriends ONLY?

[David Dupree]

Hi gracegirl,

You present a very interesting scenario, one that the answer will be case by case.  But there are certain guidelines that I believe if those are kept in place, you can enjoy an amiable relationship with a married couple, wife separately , husband separately. 

The Bible says to try the spirit and see if it is of God.  If you feel that a red flag went off in your spirit, then it probably did.  First of all, did you tell your girlfriend about the nice conversation you had with her husband at the meeting?  Or did you tell your girlfriend how nice it was that she has gained a little brother/big brother in her husband who will check up on her from time to time?  If it doesn't agree with you, then it won't agree with your girlfriend.  If it doesn't agree with your girlfriend, then it shouldn't agree with you. 

I believe it is great for a single person to have married couples in his/her corner.  How else can singles learn from examples except to see them up close and personal?  It is also nice from an accountability point of view. 

On the other hand, if you really are just friends with the wife, and the husband just happens to be there, remember what is primary-your friendship with the wife.  But if you are really friends with the couple, then having an individual relationship with each of them may flow naturally from it based upon your interests. 

I will say though, that I have found a lot of brothers-even supposed Christian brothers- who are quite scurrilous in their relationships.  They talk the talk, but don't walk the walk.  From those you need to flee!!!  And do as you suggest and be friend with the married girlfriend only. 

I do believe it is a good idea that you keep the relationship at arms distance and include his wife in when you can't keep it at a distance.  In other words, if he texts you or calls you and you tell him to tell his wife something for you and then you later ask the wife if he told her, you will find out whether he is trying to be a slickster or not.

BUT BY ALL MEANS, you should support their marriage totally and if you feel your separate relationship with either of them would hinder the marriage, then back off. 

Keep your spirit active and prayed up so that you can continue to discern and "rightly divide" the word of truth.

dd