he's hiding behind a lie

[Lori Smith]

I have been married for six years. I love my husband very much. There is something very wrong and he refuses to talk to me about it and thinks of it as " No big deal." I know that my husband has hid a liquor in our house and I've tried to talk with him about it, but have gotten nowhere. Recently God had woke me up and I heard my husband starting to wretch in his sleep. He has vomited before, but I have been catching on as to why. He acted as if he didn't know where he was. I finely got him in the bathroom. I talked with him about it the next day. But he woulden't say anything at all. Well, a week ago I went in to the shower and I heard him go down the stairs. I waited, then followed him. I found him in the closet with all the lights off. I asked him what he was doing? "Nothing." he replied. The next day I found a bottle of liquor in the garbage. I tried to talk with him about it and he was defensive and felt that it was none of my business. " It was not killing him. I asked him about how how felt about honisty in a marriage. He said, it depends on what its about. I don't like this and I want to help him. I don't want my marriage to go in the statistic pile, or my husband.

[David Dupree]

Hello Lori and welcome to DeepWaters,

Congrats on 6 years of marriage.  And many more to come. 

I believe you are a praying woman and my first advice would be for you to stay prayerful.  God woke you up before so you could see what was going on.  I believe He will continue to order your steps so that you be the best helpmeet you can be even in this trying situation.  But be careful that he doesn't feel like you are spying on him.  He knows you have found him out, but he is in denial of there being a problem.

Since your husband seems to be in denial, continue to support him and create the atmosphere wherein he will share and entrust you with his Samson -- his weakness; his imperfection; his flaw; his failure.  You don't create the atmosphere by continuing to force him to talk about it when he has indicated repeatedly his lack of anything to talk about. You create it by continung to be loving, caring, and picking up his slack if necessary.  God will bless you.  Yes things may seem to be inequitable right now, but the twain are one. So there's nothing inequitable about one. One "are" one.   

One of the most difficult things men have to do is balance ego versus humility.  But when Pride creeps in, it will go before destruction Prov. 16:18a  When pride comes, so does shame.  Prov. 11:2a. 

Support him through his shame so that he will know when he is ready, there is a safe haven in you to share his Samson without fear that your knowledge will destroy him. Maybe you can help create that safe haven.  Maybe set up a time or event to celebrate so that the two of you can go out to dinner.  Or maybe cancel something so that you can go to a movie, get ice cream, go skating, or even go walking at the local school track.

More than anything, don't toss away your relationship because of his inability to confront his issue.  Your trials only come to make you strong.  There will be glory after  this. 

dd

[Navy_Girl]

Lori, my heart goes out to you.  I would add to what DD said this:  Get informed, and make a plan.  You need to be able to answer the following questions:
1.  What are the symptoms of intoxication?
2.  What are the symptoms of alcoholism?
3.  How do you identify alcohol poisoning?  What can be done for someone who exhibits signs of alcohol poisoning?
4.  What resources do I have in place to confront a situation of severe illness or to confront a threat to health due to alcohol?
Pray much, and be very prepared.  Denial on your part will not help the situation.