Where's your DIGNITY?

[lyfe]

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I'm sorry but I am just so disgusted with women who know a man is involved with a woman whether married on not and they still involve themselves with the man in inappropriate relations/relationships.

What do you think this says about the woman?

Yeah some women might say I didn't know...Ok so shame on Him but you know what they say once you know. Twice...shame on you!

And then other women might say their feelings got involved and before they knew it they were "in love" and couldn't let go!

LOVE - that aint love! If you cant let go that's craziness, insane, loco and you need some HELP!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I am not trying to come across as harsh but as always these are........

My thoughts and I'm out!

Lyfe
(pro'nouced Life)

[QueenNisha]

Lyfe,

I hear where you're coming from, but until you're in that situation yourself, you can't tell somone that they are not in love.  Some people honestly don't know that they are the "other woman", and once they find out, yeah it might be hard to just let go.  Once your feelings are involved and you're in too deep, you can't drop it just like that.  These women aren't crazy they're caught up.  Try to understand it from both sides before you pass judgement.  You never know, it could happen to you too.

As for these women who know that the man is taken and still choose to get themselves caught up in that situation, all you can do is pray for her.  She does need help.  She obviously has issues with herself.  She is not necessarily crazy but she is going through something that she needs to be delivered from.  Lets stop putting our sisters and brothers down and start working on lifting them up.

[lyfe]

Hey QueenNisha & Others,

I see your point and you're right we shouldn't put others down...that was not my intentions  . Maybe my tone came across that way but that's not me. Not at all!  As stated in my message those were "my thoughts" and opinions  I apologize if I offended anyone.

I LOVE my brothers and sisters and would never put anyone down but the truth is the truth and yes some sisters do have issues they're dealing with that stem from within (as we all do or have at some point in life) and you're right, deliverance is needed but sometimes we have to step up and stop sugar coating issues , uncover our blinded eyes and realize that God has already delivered us more than once but its us who choose to stay stuck.

Pardon me if it came across as judgement. I am no one to cast any stones!!! Lord knows I have had my share (and still do) of issues.

This is just "my" tough love...not putting a sister down. And if you cant tell it like it T-I-S then why tell it at all. 

Also I started the posting because I thought it would open up lots of dialogue here.

You never know, it could happen to you too.

Who says it has never happened to me?!?!

My thoughts and I'm out!
Lyfe
(pro'nounced Life)

[Forum Administrator]

I'm all for showing compassion, but I am not for enabling anyone in behavior that is wrong. To say that someone is "in too deep, you can't drop it just like that" is enabling. In saying that, you have just given that person a reason or excuse to hang on to something that could destroy him/her and/or others. We have to differentiate between feeling and doing. We can do anything in spite of our feelings, and as Christians, we are often required to do just that. When God said that we should love one another, He was not referring to feelings; He was referring to doing. When He said forgive one another, He was not referring to feelings; He was referring to doing. When He said, obey Me, He was not referring to feelings; He was referring to doing.

Lots of people think they are in love and they're not. Sometimes--I dare say, most times--in such situations (as described in this and ^*related post), love has nothing to do with it. Love, as God teaches us to love, does what is in the best interest of someone else. That's love.

One thing I have learned is that feelings follow doing (or an act of the will). But we have distorted our thinking so that we often think it's the other way around: doing follows feeling. Wrong! I say again: feelings follow our will/decisions/thinking. This may not happen instantaneously, but if you do good, you will (eventually or immediately depending on your degree of willingness to be obedient) feel good.

The most compassionate and loving thing we can do is to speak the truth. If a person is drowning, there is no time to put a ribbon on the life preserver before it's thrown out there. We are not called to sympathize with wrongdoing. On some we are called to have compassion (i.e. to have mercy and help the afflicted) and in so doing, make a difference. On others we are called to save them (i.e. rescue them from destruction), snatching them (i.e. carrying them out by force) out of the fire. On others we are called to take save without fear, loathing even the very garment that is spotted with the flesh and polluted by sensuality. (See. Jude 1:22-23) The situation described in the related post (see asterisk below) is a snatching out, fiery, loathing the very garment situation.

Matthew 7 starts off by saying that we should not judge: "Do not judge and criticize and condemn others, so that you may not be judged and criticized and condemned yourselves" (Matthew 7:1). But down in verse 16 and 20 of the same chapter it says that we will know [a person] by [his/her] fruits (i.e. effect, result, work, act, deed). In John 7:24, Jesus says: "Be honest in your judgment and do not decide at a glance (superficially and by appearances; but judge fairly and righteously."

Perhaps lyfe spoke out of her passion, but the heart of what she said is the truth. How can we lift anybody up unless we are willing to speak the truth, be the truth, and live the truth in/because of love? It's the Truth the makes people free (from the dominion of sin).

^*Lyfe posted here in the context of and in reaction to the Jealous Wife post

[QueenNisha]

Hello all,

I agree with you both.  No woman should stay with a man once she finds out that she's the other woman.  I understand that there are feelings involved but she does need to get out.

My biggest issue was the statement:

LOVE - that aint love! If you cant let go that's craziness, insane, loco and you need some HELP!

I have a friend who has been, or probably still is the other woman.  I have been in the same seat that Lyfe is sitting in right now and I told my friend that it was wrong.  This is not the first time she has done something like this and it probably won't be her last.  Although she does this, she is not CRAZY, but she does need help.  She goes to church, sings in the choir, she has a relationship with the Lord, she knows what the bible says and yet she still does it.  She is the mother of a daughter who will be 3 years old this month and I am her godmother but I never see her because of the relationship between her mother and I.  We have been best friends for almost 19 years now but I can't stand to be around her because of her behavior.  One day I just stopped calling her.  I couldn't stand to hear her stories anymore.

So you see I would never condone this type of behavior.  I truly apologize if it sounded that way.  My friend is not crazy, she's just lost.  It breaks my heart to think that people may look down on her, but what feels worse is that I look down on her too.  Instead of judging her, I just don't call any more.  I pray for her.  I love her to death but I just can't talk to her. 

My friend has been through alot in her life.  Both parents were drug addicts.  She was emotionally abused by her aunt and all she had was her grandmother who passed away a few years ago.  Now, I've walked away too?  That's why I believe in compassion.  I also believe in telling it like it is but this particular situation is tough.

Keep on doing what you believe in Lyfe, I'm not judging you or putting you down.  I just have a soft spot for this subject.  Thank you all for your positive feedback and I give u props for opening up a discussion on this touchy subject.