What happens when friendships are torn?

[Novelist]

I would like to know from a forum administrator or forum member, what are the chances of friendships being mended due to jealousy, hurt, envy, and feeling betrayed?

[BeLove]

Good Afternoon, Novelist:

I really dont' reply to many messages, but wanted to advise you that the Word says in Matt 18: 22 we should forgive our brother, "up to seventy times seven." 

I was betrayed by my best friend as well, when we took our relationship to another level.  After years of being just friends, my male companion and I decided to date.  He, being agnostic, decided that it was O.K. to date outside of our relationship and fathered a child during that time.  I was very hurt and upset.  However, not knowing what life would be like without him-we've been  best friends for over 20 years- I made the decision to forgive and forget.

It turned out to be one of the most powerful lessons in my life.  In the past I would "forgive" but not "forget" and would still hold on to the hurt, anger, and pain. However, in order for us to maintain a friendship I realized that I would have to forget too. I didn't forget the situation, and still haven't, but I have forgotten to be angry, disappointed, and upset.  The situation called to mind that the Heavenly Father forgets our sin too, when we repent and ask his forgivness.

Ask yourself how much does this person really mean to you?  It may be that you've closed the chapter on this portion of your life in preparation for another.  Pray and ask God's direction.  He never steers your wrong.

I hope this was helpful to you.

Be Love!



 

[Forum Administrator]

That's a loaded question!  I think there are too many variables involved to say with any certainty what the "chances" are. But, this passage from Mark 4:21-22 immediately comes to mind: "No man also seweth a piece of new cloth on an old garment: else the new piece that filled it up taketh away from the old, and the rent is made worse. And no man putteth new wine into old bottles: else the new wine doth burst the bottles, and the wine is spilled, and the bottles will be marred: but new wine must be put into new bottles."

I refer to this passage to simply say, there must be a change, ideally in both "pieces of cloth" in order to have a mend that will enable the "fabric" to stand up to the tests that will surely be endured in the future. If the change is only one-sided, as the scriptures says, the chances are there will be another tearing away that is worse than the last. If this continues to happen, the fabric of the relationship will be so shredded there will be little left to mend.

[real2me1st]

I, too, have had friendships that have been torn or severed completely because of hurt, betrayal, etc.  Over the past 6 months, God has allowed some of them to mend and blend again.  I was very surprised and not looking or searching for them to return.  I remember looking at Oprah and her talking about things that come in full circle. ummm...that's something to research in the Scriptures.  (I will)

I had a few friends I had hung out with in the early and mid-ninety's concert hopping and such.  About 5 months ago, they called out of the blue and wanted to go to VA beach for the weekend.  It was just right.  The Spirit in me said it was okay without a lot of fleecing.  I knew where I was in God and my relationship is tight with God.  If it didn't agree or I felt I had to "fleece God", I would not have gone.
It was one of the best weekends I had in my life.  I thought because of the hurt I would never reunite with "the crew."  God had to break us up a while so we would stop leaning and depending on each other so much.  Instead of praying each other through, God wanted us to lean and depend on him and create a long and binding relationship with him first. (Thou shalt have no other gods before me.)
Our testimonies of our going through and our binding relationships with our God could not have been possible if God hadn't separated us.  I got closer to Him like I did not know was possible in my "alone" place.
Other relationships have also come full circle....and others I don't believe will ever come around again.

We have got to trust God to know what and who we need in our lives.  Remember, whatever is for us, we will have and it will not cause sorrow if it is in the right time, place and context.

Peace

[Gracious]

Hello Everyone,

Firstly, I do thank our Sista' Novelist for introducing such an introspective thread ... Amen?

FORGIVENESS... Hmmm?

Besides falling-in-love with JESUS - my Healer, my Comforter, my Strong-Tower ... FORGIVENESS has got to be the next best decision I'm "ever-growing in ... constantly be tested in" ... to make!!!

For me, making Jesus my choice (Salvation) was the easy part ... LIVING / Walking in that decision ... is/was most difficult.

FORGIVENESS ... Hmmm

How does one start the process of FORGIVENESS ... and why is this process sooooooooo necessary for our wholeness ... Hmmm

I'd read something in passing that helped to answer those questions for me ... read and be blessed!!!

FORGIVENESS

"...The Bible speaks about every person needing forgiveness and every person needing to forgive. Why? Because we are all sinners in need of God's forgiveness. None of us is perfect. We need God's grace and we need to extend that same mercy to others. This subject is the very essence of true Christianity. Until we understand it, we will not really understand God Himself...

Likely, if you are reading this page, you want to receive God's forgiveness, and you want to forgive. You want your slate to be clean. The problem is how? If we do not receive this grace from God, and extend it to others, the Scriptures make it clear that we will die in our sins. God has made forgiveness so important, that all our happiness and fulfillment depend on it--in this life and in the next.

He knew that all of us, without exception will be wronged. Furthermore, all of us will treat others wrongly. All of us will sin against God and others. These sins block and hinder our relationship with Him. Jesus spoke more of forgiveness than possibly any other topic. This is a lesson we must learn on deeper and deeper levels until the very core of our being is changed into Love.

There is no life apart from God's love. Therefore, there is no life apart from forgiveness, for forgiveness is the seal, the mark, and the proof of Love. If we say we have love and cannot walk in forgiveness, we deceive ourselves, and our "love" is only a parody of the real thing.

Sin has destroyed this planet far more than even the most perceptive of us can realize. Only by shedding blood can we understand the extreme consequences of the price of sin. The shedding of blood is a vivid illustration that all sin will end in death. God, in His mercy, has allowed us to see and receive a small portion of the consequences of our sin in this lifetime, so we can change while we still have the opportunity to do so. After we die it will be to late.

When we see that the price that we must each pay for our sins is lifeblood of something or someone--and that there is no way around it--the debt must be paid, only then we begin to have a true appreciation of what happened on the Cross.

If we do not understand the Cross, we can never receive absolution from the guilt that eats away at us. The Cross is essential for us to have new life. It is our only path to freedom.

WALKING IN THE JOY OF A CLEAN CONSCIENCE

When Jesus cried out "It is finished!" on the cross, and took His last breath, the curtain in the temple was ripped from top to bottom. This curtain was extremely thick, and separated the Holy Place from the Holy of Holies. This inner sanctuary was where the presence of the Living God dwelled. No unclean thing could enter into this sacred place. A priest only went in once a year and if he had any sin in his life, he would die as he came to minister before the Lord. Yet, when Jesus finished the work on the cross, that curtain that kept us away from God's presence was ripped open, symbolizing a new relationship that we can now have with the Living God.

Jesus' atoning death on the cross made it possible for us to receive complete access to the presence of God. We can be forgiven of all our sins and no longer need to cower in the distance, afraid to face God. This problem has been dealt with once and for all, but we need to apply it for it to have any significance in our lives. This will not work if we agree only in theory. It must become a practical action in our lives.

STEPS TO RECEIVE GOD'S FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is not automatic. Through the blood of Jesus, every person alive has the opportunity to receive forgiveness, but it does not happen involuntarily. The Bible makes it clear that there are some conditions we must meet to obtain God's forgiveness. Let's look at the following verses to find out what we must do to obtain forgiveness.

1. 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Hosea 14:2-3 "Take words with you and return to the Lord. Say to him: 'Forgive all our sins and receive us graciously, that we may offer the fruit of our lips...We will never again say 'our gods' to what our own hands have made'" (NIV).

Our next step in receiving forgiveness, is to turn from our wicked ways and change them. We may struggle with a certain sin, but if our intent is truly to change our ways and overcome that sin, God will give us the grace to do it. Many want to receive forgiveness from God without changing their ways. God knows the difference between those who are sincere and those who are using Him to temporarily ease their conscience. He is not mocked or deceived. If one comes to him in sorrow, humility and sincerity, His grace is abundant. However, He has little patience for those who would abuse His mercy. Search your heart and ask God to give you the grace for true repentance, and the power of the Holy Spirit to make the changes you need to do. His greatest joy is to help those who repent in sincerity.

This should include asking forgiveness of those you have wronged and making restitution to them. True repentance will always be accompanied by corresponding actions.

3. Along these lines, the Bible also makes it clear that we are to "make right" any situations where we have failed in our responsibilities to others.

Matthew 5:23-25 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison.

Romans 13:7 "Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor" (NIV).

If we are sincere in our repentance we must be willing to pay the penalty for our crimes against others. This could include restoration of any goods, monies, or services that were taken wrongfully, (or never given at all, if we owed them). The Lord says to "agree with our adversary." If we are in dispute with someone, that means we must admit to what we have done and quit trying to defend ourselves. If we are in the wrong (even partially) it is better to take responsibility for it, than to argue for our rights.

Some of us have been betrayed in devastating ways, and have suffered profoundly at the hand of abusive people. Others have been horribly mistreated by those of other races, nations, and religions. If you are suffering with deep unhealed wounds, know the Lord has also been hurt with your pain. He loves you and wants to heal you. It is because of His great love for you that He is calling you to forgive. It is your only release from the emotional prison that you are now in.

You do not have to live in a continual state of submission to evil emotions. You can be free of them, through the power of the cross. "Behold, I make all things new" says the Lord. You can be made new on the inside, and no longer staggering under a load of bitterness, hatred, pain, and depression. God wants to set you free right now!

FORGIVENESS IN PRACTICE

If you have been wounded, God will take even this frustration and pain of rejection in your life and work it for something good so you can be a vessel of healing to His people--if you let Him.

"...But what if they don't even see how bad they've hurt me?" Whether they see it or not is between them and the Lord. Your responsibility is simply to forgive them.

"...I'm afraid if I forgive, I'll only get hurt again." If you call on the Lord for wisdom He will help you in your situation. If you are in an abusive relationship/partnership/friendship you need to pray about whether you should stay in it. You can still forgive them, but it doesn't mean that you have to live with, or be closely associated with them. There is a difference.

"...If I forgive them, they'll only go on hurting others." If the person who hurt you has done it in an illegal way such as sexual abuse, theft, murder, etc., you have a responsibility to do all you can to stop others from being hurt in the same way. However, you can still forgive them, in the sense that you do not actively hate them, and can pray for God's mercy on them.

When God forgives us, He no longer holds our sins against us. Therefore, we don't have the right to hold others' sins against them--not if we belong to Jesus. If we belonged to the world, we could indulge in bitterness, but the blood-bought child of a merciful King has no such right.

Whether we "feel" forgiveness in our hearts or not, we are under obligation to obey God. As we obey Him, He will supply the feelings. Obedience must come first, then the right feelings will follow. We can't wait for a special nudge from On High to get us to do what His Word already tells us plainly to do. The longer we wait, the worse off we will be.

The best way to be rid of bearing a grudge against someone (or a race, nation, gender, or church, etc.), is to confess it to the Lord and seek His help. Then, begin to pray for that person as if you were praying for yourself.

"Lord, bless so and so. Cause their way to be pleasing to You in all that they do. Lead them closer to you! Cleanse them of all sin and give them the grace and strength to repent of any wickedness in their heart. Cause them to thirst for intimacy with You, and let them be fulfilled in Your presence. Let them honor You and put You first in all their ways. Send Your Holy Spirit to minister to them, to strengthen them, and to lead them. Let them fulfill the call of God on their life. Bless their family/job/ministry/etc. Cause them to be fruitful and to be established in your love. Minister to them in the area of their deepest needs. Help me to be truly concerned for them. Let me have your heart for this person. Show me how to pray for them and love them as you want me to...."

Then, bind away any spirit of deception that has come over them, or anything else the Lord may show you in prayer. This is what "loving our enemies" is all about. It is looking past the sin they have committed against us, and honestly wanting the best for them and for God to be merciful to them.

Matthew 5:44-48: "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? Do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? Do not even the publicans so?  Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."

As you are faithful to pray for those who have wronged you in this way, you will see a change come about in them--and in you!!! Instead of hate, you will begin to have God's compassion for them. There is nothing that pleases the Lord more than to see His children bearing each other's burdens, loving each other from the heart, and living in humility toward each other..." [/color]

******

Please forgive the lengthiness ... my spirit lead me to share this ... my prayer is that perhaps someone will have read this and whelp ... perhaps, be set-free ... from  "the stonghold(s)" of "brokeness" ...just as I.

With love,

Gracious