Healing After Divorce (Resource)

[Forum Administrator]

New Life Perspectives-Healing After Divorce
Arterburn & Butterworth

Divorce is one of the greatest challenges you will ever face. But it is something that you will live through and that can help to powerfully transform you into the person God has created you to be.

Whether you are in the earliest stages of divorce, are newly single again, are processing an earlier divorce, or know someone whose marriage is ending, Healing After Divorce offers encouragement and hope that this new life will be a good life-and the promise that healing is around the corner.

More information on this resource can be found at https://my.newlife.com/cgi-bin/cart/item.pl?item=CDP105

[Seeking God's Favor]

Hello Deep Waters Message Board. I am new to the forum and to divorce. I share children with my ex and we have been divorce over 2 years. However, my interaction with her causes me to regress emotionally. I interact with her because of the children. It is an issue for me to move on emotionally because I blame her for the reasons behind the divorce etc. I need to and would like to move on without these emotional breakdowns.

How can I place my mind and heart behind me and not concentrate on her moving foward and being happy with leaving me with the broken heart & pain?

[Forum Administrator]

Hello Seeking Gods Favor, and welcome to Deep Waters! Divorce is one of the most devastating experiences a person can face. In some ways it is harder than death, because with death there is a finality and some sense of closure. But with divorce, it can be difficult because you can still have emotional ties to a living breathing person even when the relationship is "dead." It can be particularly difficult when you have to repeatedly see the person to whom you were once married.

It could be that you are experiencing these "emotional breakdowns" because you still have emotional expectations of your ex (e.g. for her to show remorse; an apology; etc.) Even though you feel she is to blame for the divorce, there is always responsibility to be had on both sides when it comes to marriage or the breakdown thereof. That is not to suggest that the divorce or what led to the divorce was your fault, but self-examination is always a good and wise idea. Should anything surface in your soul searching, ask God to forgive you for any errors that you may have made. He promised to forgive you all the time, every time, for every thing if you are honest with Him and confess your faults to Him (1 John 1:9).

After you have done some of your own soul searching, you will need to forgive your ex for whatever offenses you deem her guilty of. You must forgive in order to move forward. Forgive not based on whether or not your ex deserves it, or even whether or not you want to forgive, but forgive because God says that's what you are to do (Ephesians 4:32). It's not about a feeling: it's about obedience and God will bless you for it.

Let me paint a picture for you of unforgiveness. Picture your unforgiveness as a massive boulder that you are holding up over the head of your ex. It may cause her some uncomfortableness knowing that you "have ought against her," but you will be the one who really suffers. The longer you hold that weight over her head, the more your "arms" will ache and the more pain you will feel. Not only that, but as long as you hold on to this weight of unforgiveness, you tie your own "hands" and prevent them from embracing whatever God has for you in the future. Unforgiveness will keep you painfully chained to your past. Forgiveness is a process and it will take some determination in order to walk in it, but with the help that God has made available to you, you can do it. Let it go. Let go of the hurt, let go of the anger, let go of the resentment, let go of everything that is hindering you from wholeness. When you release this burden of unforgiveness, don't release it on your ex. Cast your burden on the Lord because He cares about you (1 Peter 5:7) and He can handle it.

Divorce hurts, but there is healing for your soul. And did you not know that when you are brokenhearted, God draws even closer to you? (Psalm 34:18)
Psalm 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
God is there when you need Him and you surely need Him now.

I applaud you for continuing to push through your pain so that you can maintain a relationship with your children. They are watching and learning from you. Take comfort in knowing that it will not always hurt like it hurts now. You will not always feel as you do now. God is able to renew you and to bless you in such a way that the memory of what has happened will cause you no more pain. Know also that you can play a part in your healing by embracing forgiveness.

We are here to bear your burdens with you until you are able to cast them completely on the Lord. Know that you have a safe place to share at any time here in Deep Waters and we will be praying for you.

[Seeking God's Favor]

Thank you so much for that word. That was a great bit wealth. Again, thank you!

I LOVE DEEP WATERS!!!

[Forum Administrator]

My pleasure and privilege. That's why we're here.