premarital sex before comming to christ

[flameproof2004]

I've really been struggling with this.:-/

I accepted Christ on February 22nd of  this year. Two weeks after my son was born. The woman whom I had this child with I'm now engaged to and we live together. We have lived together since October of last year. She is a Christian and so am I. After I got saved we made a vow not to have sex until we were married. This helped her repent and accept God's forgiveness by forgiving herself for her sin of having sex before marriage (she was already a believer when we met but she backslid).  Last week we had sex and we still continue to.  We aren't sure if this is right or wrong because we already had sex before we were married and had a child, we live together, were engaged and we live as if we are married. Do we stop until we are married or continue on? Has anyone expierenced anything like this? Does anyone have any sound biblical advice towards something this complex?  

[Forum Administrator]

On February 22, you became a new man. Your life changed and now everything is becoming new, including your relationship with your now fiancee. You are now a Christian man, and you are required to be a godly example and influence on your son, and a Christ-like representative to your wife-to-be.You have already sensed this change in progress, this is why you made the vow not to have sex until you are married. Keep your vow. You have already seen the influence of your actions on your fiancee. Your commitment to doing things God's way, helped her renew her commitment to doing things God's way. This is not to say that you are responsible for the decisions your fiancee makes in her spiritual walk; however, if she makes a decision to do something that goes against what God says is right, you see to it that you are not a contributor to or participant in that decision.

You are both Christians, and you both obviously realize the need to do things God's way. Even though you've been living together for nearly a year, the fact is, you are not married, and the marriage you are preparing to enter into is completely different from what you've been experiencing so far. You need to be taught what your role and responsibilities will be as the priest of your home, and the servant-leader of your wife; one who is able to nourish, protect, cherish and love your wife the way Christ loves the church; one who is able to live with your wife in an understanding way; one who is able to lead your family into the purpose that God has for you, your wife and your son. Your fiancee needs to be taught what her role and responsibilities are as a Christian wife; she needs to learn how to respect the authority of God working through her husband; she has to learn how to be a spiritual and practical helper to her husband; to recognize the position of awesome responsibility that God has given her husband; to raise up godly children. You both need to learn how to live godly, how to love each other with biblical love, and how to submit to the authority of God in your marriage.

My advice to you is to stop living and acting like the man you were and start living and acting like the man you are and who are becoming. Sex is a gift designed and reserved for marriage. Leave it alone until you are married. Part of your role as a Christian husband will be to do all you can to present your wife without spot or wrinkle to the God to whom you both belong. Start practicing that now. Become the guardian of her virtue. Both of you need to renew your commitment to doing things God's way. Ask God to forgive you for not doing things His way (confession), and then make whatever changes are necessary to keep that commitment (repentance). You may need to make different living arrangements until your wedding date. You are now in the light, so live your lives as if you are in the light and not in darkness. Let others see that you are in the light and that a change has taken place. See to it that you get yourselves into classes and or counseling that will teach you both how to live as Christians and prepare for your roles as a godly husband and wife and parents. Obedience to God brings great blessings; disobedience will bring great conflict and struggle. The leadership of your family starts now and it starts with you.

If you don't already own a Bible, I recommend that you purchase one (the New International Version (NIV) translation is a little easier to read than the King James Version (KJV)). Below are some scriptures for your review. Also, it is critical that you be in a church where you can be taught and grow spiritually. If you need some recommendations, please send me your city, state and zipcode via a private message or via email to: administrator@deepwaters.info. We are here to help you in your spiritual growth and support you so that you can make better relationship decisions. Please let us know if we can help you with any additional resources.
2 Corinthians 5:17
1 Corinthians 6:12-20
Romans 6
1 John 1:9
Genesis 2:24
Ephesians 5
1 Peter 3:7,8

[morefaith]

I wanted to ask the Administrator who answered this gentleman a few questions regarding pre-marital sex. I'm not sure if I am replying the correct way.

I read the Scripture in the reply, and am confused about their use regarding the pre-marital question. I kept reading about "sexual immorality". I may have missed something - or have forgotten (read last night) but I did not read anything that specifically adressed pre-marital sex. I understood the sexual immorality as homosexuality, beastiality, using foreign objects or orgies. I guess I was looking for words like "don't lay with anyone until you are married" or something to that effect. It never went into what exactly is meant by sexual immorality. I do remember the mention of prostitution (sex for money).  I'm new to all this but would appreciate some more detail.

Thanks

[Forum Administrator]

Hi morefaith. Thanks for your question. Let's zoom in on 1 Corinthians 6:18 flee fornication (King James Version) or in another translation flee from sexual immorality (New International Standard). The original (Greek) word used for fornication/sexual immorality is Porneia. There are other words used throughout scripture that refer to specific kinds of sexual sin, but Porneia is often the catch-all word for all kinds of sexual sin. That would cover homosexuality, beastiality, using foreign objects, orgies, incest, molestation, rape and any other sexual sin you can think of.

In God's design, sexual intercourse is reserved for two consenting adults, one male and one female, who are married... to each other. "You" should not, as you so aptly put it in your response, lay with anyone until you are married.  

[ethereal]

Just weighing in...

Having sex before you're married is just devastating. The one thing that I regret is having had lived with my now ex-wife for two years before we were married. We ended up having a child out of wedlock and the act itself became so routine that we didn't even consumate our vows until 3 days after we were married! It takes all of the mystery out of, well, everything. My future mate and I walked (not fell, or stumbled) into sexual sin and it absolutely crushed us. I still haven't fully recovered, b/c I promised to protect her (from me as well) and I failed her, me and most importantly, God. We immediately got very hostile toward our flesh. We have instituted some extreme boundaries that will ensure that we stay pure until our wedding night. Yes, you can recover (confess, repent and be forgiven), but it really isn't worth the guilt that you have to carry around after you've disobeyed God so blatantly! There hasn't been one time that I've sinned since I've been saved and felt good about it afterwards. I encourage everyone to use the "escape" that has to accompany temptation. You will thank yourself for it in the morning.