Confused

[Endonurse]

I have been widowed for 4 years, I meet a man online who loves the Lord and we had a wonderful time together, talking everyday for hours by phone, Im, and skype.  He was working as a contractor oversees, he came to see me twice and it was like we had known each other for years, I have not meet his family, spoke on the phone to his mom amd sisters, but they all seem to think that we were perfect for each other.  He was married for 20years, divorced since 2006, I was married for 26 years.  His wife had several affairs that caused the marriage to end, however he says he forgave her and loves her with the love of Christ.  Well the problem is he was to come home in Feb 2010, but decided to extend for another year, he said that is he not ready for a relationship and that it scares him to think about restarting his life, well you would think that that would be enough for me to move on, but I can't, I love him and God showed me a vision of us married, everytime I try to move away from him emotionally, the Lord send me reassurance, the Spirit lead me to Habakkuk 2:2-4.  Just today when I was talking to this man he showed me a house in GA that looked very similar to the house God showed me in the vision.  I am having trouble keeping my faith in this situation.  The man said that it is not fair to me to continue with him, because he knows that I want to be in a relationship and that he is not ready and does not know when he will be ready, that was two months ago and yet  we still talk daily, share our hearts, study the word together, watch tv and enjoy each others company on skype. I am confused, any thoughts would be appericated. Thanks and may God bless you all.

[1EagleSky]

Hi! While I have never been married, I've been in a situation where I sensed God was showing me a certain man, and the best thing to do is to put it in God's hands and back off from contacting the man. If he starts to inquire why you haven't been in touch, just tell him you've been busy. Use wisdom, be discerning, and don't let your concerns about this man overshadow other areas of your life, because that's important, too.

[1EagleSky]

Hi! While I have never been married, I've been in a situation where I sensed God was showing me a certain man, and the best thing to do is to put it in God's hands and back off from contacting the man. If he starts to inquire why you haven't been in touch, just tell him you've been busy. Use wisdom, be discerning, and don't let your concerns about this man overshadow other areas of your life, because that's important, too.

[Forum Administrator]

Hello Endonurse and welcome to Deep Waters. A revelation from the Lord often requires our participation. For example, you can receive a prophetic word, but that does not guarantee that it will come to pass automatically. Oftentimes, we are required to participate in the fulfillment of that revelation or word of prophecy by praying the promise through to fulfillment and activating our faith. When you receive a word from the Lord, you have to deal with it on multiple levels.

First, deal with it at the spirit level. This can only be done through prayer and the Word of God. God does not create confusion, so if there is confusion, clarification is needed. When God reveals something to us, He expects us to seek Him and not circumstances for clarification. He encourages us to not become anxious, but instead to talk with Him and He promises (in Philippians 4:6-8) that if we do this, His peace will guard our hearts (spirits) and minds (souls). Look and listen to the Word for answers. As you do this, God will see to it that you receive the Word you need to strengthen your faith.

Secondly, deal with it at the soul level. This is where you are going to need to bring your emotions in line with what you are receiving from the Word of God. In this situation, as you described it, you may need to minimize or discontinue contact with your friend if that continued contact is causing you emotional turmoil. From what you have said, your friend has clearly stated that he is not ready to move forward in a relationship with you. In his mind, he may feel/believe that, by stating that, he has already done what he needs to do as far as disengaging himself from the relationship. He may interpret your continuation of the relationship as it was before as your being okay with what he has said. If you're not okay with it, you should clearly state that and take whatever steps are necessary to preserve the peace of your soul.

Lastly, you need to deal with it at the physical level. When a person is moving in faith, that one has to divorce him/herself from the physical. Faith is not by sight (i.e. by physical senses). Faith does not consider the information received via the senses; it only considers the information received from God. If you are going by what you see/hear from others or from your circumstances, that is not faith.

You need to be certain of what you have received from God and through the Word of God. If you are not certain of the word you have received, you cannot have faith for it. If you do not have faith for it, get a promise from the scriptures (e.g. Proverbs 3:5-6; James 1:5) and pray it through until you have an assurance in your spirit of what you have received. If you cannot get that assurance in your spirit, let it go.

[Gracious]

Hi Endonurse,

First, please know that I agree with all that has been written to you & for you on this thread ... Amen?  And I feel your pain & uncertainty.

Spiritually, I see a greater need in you my sister, one that does have something to do with what you've written about (re: your specific issue with this man), yet more to do with your badly bruised heart; something that you've been struggling with long before your current situation.  It is not easy to be rejected and then lured into a false sense of hope by someone; which is what appears to have happened to you - especially with the new boundaries (changing of your relationship rules ... without notice) that I'm seeing:

"Well the problem is he was to come home in Feb 2010, but decided to extend for another year, he said that is he not ready for a relationship and that it scares him to think about restarting his life, well you would think that that would be enough for me to move on..."

My sister, there is a phrase that I've often heard (perhaps you have too) & the more I live & grow ... the more it rings true, in soooo many situations - especially in this one.  The phrase is ...

"Hurting people - Hurt people". 

Meaning, when an individual is in pain there is an almost uncontrollable - inevitable urge to emit (release) that pain - into/onto the atmosphere.  Now usually, that "pain" is thrown out towards & accepted by those people whom we sub-consciously feel are closest (emotionally speaking) to us.  Why do we do this - you may ask???  I believe that we do this because sub-consciously we know THESE are the ones who will accept our venom & continue to nurture it.  Nurture our venom.  This appears to be what has happened to you with this man for whom you care so deeply.  This "hurting" action can be & often is cyclical & infectious!  It infects the unsuspecting party (you) - devastates them (you) & then "they" (you) too are sure to be more apt to release that hurt into/onto some other unsuspecting individual.

So now, how do we heal from this evil & stop the madness - the fear - anger???  Hmmm ...  Perhaps God's Inspiration (The Holy Bible) holds a "pearl" or two, or three, for us.  Here the Apostle Paul speaks concerning his own infirmity:

2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Paul's Vision and His Painful Problem
New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

7 I could have become proud of myself because of the amazing and wonderful things God has shown me. So I was given a problem that caused pain in my body. It is a messenger from Satan to make me suffer. 8 Three times I begged the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, "My grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak."

So I am very happy to brag about how weak I am. Then Christ's power can rest on me. 10 Because of how I suffered for Christ, I'm glad that I am weak. I am glad in hard times. I am glad when people say mean things about me. I am glad when things are difficult. And I am glad when people make me suffer. When I am weak, I am strong.

Now, to those who view The Gospel of Jesus The Christ as a "mystery", the above scripture may seem masochistical & ridiculous!  However, to those who have had a PERSONAL encounter with The Lord - the opposite will live eternally as truth ... Amen?

Endonurse, regarding your situation ... perhaps the above scripture could be speaking:

This "weakness" - this "thorn" -that the Apostle Paul beseeched the Lord to remove "3 times", was never removed by God, even as much as He loved Paul!  Why???  Because, when it comes to "our own issues", God's compassion remains firm!  Our Deity has proven His patience with us, but His patience must never be confused with concession (giving us what we TRULY THINK that we want), because our Father in Heaven has created the total picture.  It is "we" who must strive daily to achieve HIS pleasure. 

When we become painfully consumed with our own begging-pleading-demanding that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our collective life. The silent anger that we hold builds a wall between Him and us. If we were to be painfully honest with ourselves, then we'd come to the realization that our demand for our own idea(s) of perfection is a refusal of God's love because we want our own selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. 

Example:  If we believe that we need a mate to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

Surely it is quite normal and Godly good, to desire a mate, yet perhaps we seek too much from them???  Meaning, the unconditional love we sub-consciously require from our mates may never be fulfilled because this heart craving belongs exclusively to "The One" ... the only One ... our Deity!  Better that we love & trust in GOD first & always, understanding that (no matter what - no matter how much it hurts) when we make our own mistakes & no matter how much those mistakes cost us ... He will always be there to love & help us. 

If we have received Salvation then we know & TRUST that through The Son  -  Jesus The Christ, we have & keep our peace, our joy and our victory. God is in control of everything and what God has for us, no one can diminish, control or destroy!   

Endonurse, you deserve only the best that this life here on earth has to offer.  Seeing this - believing this, is your life-choice.  Be bold in your getting; bold enough to acknowledge & be thankful for His blessings ... even the ones that begin with:

"I'm just not ready for a relationship ..."  

Single Brothers & Sister's, when ya' here them words ... please don't waste your time tryin' to analyze them ... simply ... Bless God & keep movin' & keep trusting in the Lord!


From my heart,

Gracious