To My Sisters

[Gerard Henry]

Over the years I have met many sisters who have expressed their frustration and discouragement concerning relationships. It seems to be very difficult to meet a guy who has the strength and sensitivity they desire. The issue of sex almost always comes up and typically the brother doesn't want to continue a relationship without it. After experiencing this repeatedly, the process of self-exploration begins. Questions arise like, "What is wrong with me? Will things ever change? Is there ONE man out there I can have a genuine friendship with?"

First things First

On behalf of every brother who has lied to you... on behalf of every brother who has deceived you... on behalf of every brother who has abused you physically, mentally, and spiritually... I am sorry. I need to apologize for the lies, deceptions, insensitivities, cheatings, and abuses. We have been a gross misrepresentation of how you are supposed to be treated and honored. Because of the absence of your father we thought we could treat you like a peasant instead of a princess. We were blind to the reality of respecting you as one of God's treasures from heaven. Please forgive us for not entering into the fullness of our masculinity. Please forgive us for becoming paralyzed in puberty. We have rejected responsibility and commitment, which indicate the measure of our masculinity. Let me confess to you, WE MUST CHANGE.

In light of acknowledging our own issues as men, there are some words I would like to leave for my sisters concerning themselves.

Walking in Truth

There are three dimensions of you which truth must reign. You are spirit, soul, and body. I believe when you focus on developing your spiritual self, the mental, emotional, and physical will come into line. You cannot truly focus on the spiritual and forsake the other aspects of who you are. If so, then you will be unbalanced which is not a spiritual truth.

In many instances we emphasize keeping our physical self together, our emotional & mental self, and if there is time left, our spiritual self. What I mean when I say focus on your spiritual self is to embrace how God sees you. This takes work just like being in a natural relationship. You are incredibly special in His eyes and He will truly be the lover of your soul if you believe. But you must be available for God to reveal Himself to you in deeper dimensions. Quiet walks in the park, special gifts given, loving words exchanged in the middle of the night are all experiences that the Lord wants to bring into your world. There is a spiritual ecstasy that will bring satisfaction to your total being. But it begins with walking in truth concerning you and the One who created you.

In Closing

This on-going spiritual development will totally impact how you will allow yourself to be treated. To the degree where you have self-respect and self-worth, you will automatically command it. Once you realize that you are a "pearl of great price", you won't allow a brother to treat you like you are for sale at the clearance counter. Far too often the cry for emotional comfort causes women to settle for less than what God has intended. Consistent communion with heaven will protect you from having hellish relationships in the earth.

It can be difficult interacting with the opposite sex on a platonic level because of human nature. Without creating proper boundaries, it is easy to get emotionally attached without even having sex. My heart goes out to you ladies who have endured a lot of foolishness from men. But I am fully convinced that if you commit to seeking truth in all you do, the sky is the limit for your life. Invest in yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Pursue those goals, dreams, and ambitions you carry within you. Who knows... maybe you'll find the right brother along that path.

God Bless!

Gerard
Visit //www.gerardhenry.com for more information on his book Sex At Its Best: Going A.W.O.L. (Abstinence Without Lust) and to sign up for his Weekly Inspiration.

[purity]

WOW! That was good and so necessary!

Thanks for sharing!!!

[lover_of_God]

A Big THANK-YOU FOR THAT I REALLY NEEDED TO HEAR THAT! Love you for that. I had said to people the song that Teddy Pentagrass "LOVE TKO" was exclusively for me, because thats all I have seem to be getting. Knock out, I've been trying to dispell the lies that we Black women are greedy, or always looking for something or money hungry. I have always tried to uplift and encourge a brother/mate to help in any way I could, but always seemed to be misunderstood for my intentions, even in my last relationship the brother had no job, no car, no vision and I even recruted my family/friends to help out with od jobs, etc. I even got my long time friend to get this person a GOOD job at the City of Los Angeles, which the person could'nt even past probation. I've been trying to follow Jesus Christ example as to LOVE always, but I admit I AM TRULY WORN OUT! AND FEEL BEAT DOWN and disappointed.  I was starting to think it was something wrong with me. This past week when he commented on my studying the Bible more, that really tore it for me and I really got offended, and told him to just leave and I an ending that relationship for my sake. I really did'nt want to but I think for my own sanity I must, with all the drama I've been going through. Now I'm not saying that I'm  perfect, but I trying to study the word more and really get myself together, but I've shared everything with this person. So when I read your apology, IT WAS LIKE A SIGH OF RELIEF AND MADE ME FEEL BETTER, because I know that I really have been trying to build something with this brother. I finally realize that GOD IS THE ONLY ANSWER FOR ME THANK GOD. Since I'm so misunderstood I think I'll just stay alone and seek and serve him only. I could be wrong but I'm tired of listing to that song. Please respond, and again A BIG THANK-YOU!!!

[Forum Administrator]

Sometimes, even our best intentions are misunderstood. Yours might be the type of personality that is fulfilled when you're encouraging and/or helping others; maybe you're even gifted to be compassionate and merciful to others. If that is the case, because of your nature, you may be prone to attract or be drawn to those who need help. Know your strengths, and take care to manage them wisely so that they are not misused or taken advantage of. Keep your motives clear, and continue to do good as you have opportunity.

In your relationships, however, make sure you team up with someone who has a vision, ambition, and a sense of purpose and direction. We are created to be helpers and nurturers, but God's design is that the man be doing something productive and purposeful before you come along. Also, keep in mind that there is a difference between helping someone to do better and enabling someone to do less. When you reach out to help someone in the future, ask yourself if you are helping or enabling.

I heard an illustration once that I'm going to pass along to you (and others who will read this). The person who gave the illustration is a pastor and he's a very large man. He asked a single lady to come up front. He asked her to stand on a chair, took her hand, and told her to pull him up. She pulled and pulled, but she couldn't budge him. He had his hand out, but he was making no effort on his own to help himself get up on that chair. Then, he looked out at the crowd and said, "Watch this..." With one simple tug, he pulled her right down off the chair! Moral of the story: it's often a lot easier for someone to pull you down than it is for you to pull him up. I'll add to that moral by saying, if you're going to try to help someone up, make sure he is doing all he can possibly do to get up too.

As for the song, I remember it very well!   When that song rings in your ears, just remember that you have the power to determine who you get in the "ring" with. Make sure you're in the best condition you can be in before you step in so that you can duck, weave and jab when you have to.  Be aware of your weaknesses and  know your strengths. (You may find the personality profile helpful in this regard. Check the Deep Waters home page for the link.) Use your assets and resources wisely, and you'll walk away a winner every time!