Single and encountering carnal single brothas!?

[gracegirl]

Okay here's one for ya. I'm a beautiful, 30 somethin sistah in the Lord . Desires to be married and have a family. For some reason I keep encountering the following type of men 1. Flat out secular brothas 2. Men who used to be active in the church, loved the lord but now are bitter, carnal and avoid the  church like the plague. 3. Fake christian brothas.

I've only dated one type in Catergory #2 who asked me out and shared his experience.  But none of the others ever asked me out. Some of them I've known for a while. They are well aware that I'm a  follower of Christ and for some reason need to share there Burn stories of when they we're in the church. And a lot of there reasoning for leaving is valid, I have to say. I always find myself ministering to them in some fashion in the end. I know I have an evangelist gift but what is this about? I'm thinking " God, are you playin with me? You know I struggle with singleness !". Is this some sort of assignment? I don't hang out and purposely attract/seek these type of men.  Although I find them all very attractive and have this tug 0' war with my flesh.

Oh and on a far far side note,  I found out, from more than one person, that a friend of mine has a bad dating reputation. These were from two different men, mutual acquaintances I ran into, that went out with her and both said the same thing about her in regards to her behavior. It wasn't postive. Should I tell her? I know it sounds like a big pot of gossip but I'd wanna know if I'm creating a bad reputation for myself. 

[David Dupree]

Yes, GraceGirl, it is a test!!! 

And I hope that you will pass the test ALL the time instead of just part of the time.  Category 1, 2, 3...none of them are for you..so wait until you get to category 5 (5 being the number of grace...you get it, right hahaha).  Don't fall for the okey doke of those other brothers.  You have to do what you know to do and that is wait on your good thing.  Don't do the Peter.  Keep your eyes on Jesus so that you don't sink.  Don't look to the left or right or too far in front.

Many women fail when they look too far in front--meaning behind Jesus and see the big wave coming.  They see the wave which says I will be too old, it will dry up, I don't want to wait on kids, God's taking too long and will mess up MY ten year  plan. All of that is foolishness.  Prov. 19:21  many are the plans in a man or woman's heart, but the purpose of the Lord shall prevail.  Let God's purpose prevail in you.  You are not your own, but you have been bought with a price.  Just keep your focus on God.  Stay on God so you can stay on guard.

ddupree

[christianthought]

If your gift is evangelizing, and you are ministering to those brothers, then that is a good thing.  Keep at it!  I have found that whenever I am ministering, my needs tend to go into the background as I am ministering to others.  It's not that I am suppressing them or trying to pretend they don't exist (yeah, right!), but I know that as I take care of God's business, he'll take care of mine.

But I wanted to encourage you to keep on ministering to those brothers.  Have you ever read the book "Knight in Shining Armor" by P. Bunny Wilson?  She makes the (excellent) point that single women have a tremendous influence over single men, which is very true.  She says to use this influence to lead them to God, which it appears you are doing.  I am not saying that you should be manipulative or deceitful in ministering to people, as I am sure you are not.  I am just saying that God through you is touching the hearts of these guys enough for them to open up and talk to you about their bad experiences with people who are supposed to represent Him.  That is a big deal, and an AWESOME ministry.  As you continue, you are being a vessel for God to work through to help somebody's man get to where he is supposed to be. 

So be encouraged.  You might be helping yourself out (which you probably are), and you don't know it yet.

Oh; I think you should tell your friend.  If not, then are you really "friends" with her, or just an acquaintance?

[gracegirl]

Now that I think about it I guess that does make sense based on what  you both said. I need to go back and read Bunnies book to refresh. My bishop was just ministering on the Lord putting us through test, in the case of Job. Very powerful! And that puts me at peace, matter of fact. So thank you and stay blessed.    Oh my friend....I consider her a friend cause we've hung out and she invites me to her home parties and we've helped each other out as peers in our careers. So then I need to tell her!  Alright, I'll let ya know what happens.

Thank you

[David Dupree]

I hope I am not too late. 

gracegirl, I have an opposite view towards you speaking to your friend.  Even though you have heard stuff from multiple persons, try the spirit and see if it is of God. You may just be repeating gossip and possibly ruining a great friendship.  Hold your peace and see if you can get some evidence before you speak out of turn.  In the meantime, pray and ask the Lord to let you know if what these people said is true or not. 

You have to remember that the enemy is cunning and wants to destroy RELATIONSHIPS..even just between friends.  Yes he is after family, but it is really relationship he wants cause he is jealous that Jesus has relationship and fellowship with us and he doesn't.  So be careful not to play into his folly.  Shut it down now.  Then be there for your girlfriend if something does come of it.  If it is a big lie mixed in with some truth, she will still need a good girlfriend that she can trust to help her through the hurt of it all and the looks and the scorn and the laughs that will surely come.  But you don't have to be a party to it.  Then of course if it is all true, you can begin now to be an influence in her life to change her ways.  Again pray and ask the Lord what to say (or do) to help influence her in a different direction regarding her fleshly reputation.  You may just end up sharing with her a good book such as "Though the Vision Tarry." (shameless plug)  which would definitely be a help to her without condemning or condoning her actions. 

ddupree

[Agape]

I also serve Christ and I've been experiencing the same problem with men. At first, I really couldn't understand why I wasn't meeting at least a few like minded men in the church but I wasn't. Of course outside the church you only find the other 2 types which gracegirl described. Personally, I find all this very disturbing and it's caused me to give up on dating completely. As a Christian woman it's totally not worth dating under such circumstances. However, I feel sad because I had really hoped to marry someday. Does anybody have a clue why so many Christian women today are dealing with this issue?

Okay here's one for ya. I'm a beautiful, 30 somethin sistah in the Lord . Desires to be married and have a family. For some reason I keep encountering the following type of men 1. Flat out secular brothas 2. Men who used to be active in the church, loved the lord but now are bitter, carnal and avoid the  church like the plague. 3. Fake christian brothas.

I've only dated one type in Catergory #2 who asked me out and shared his experience.  But none of the others ever asked me out. Some of them I've known for a while. They are well aware that I'm a  follower of Christ and for some reason need to share there Burn stories of when they we're in the church. And a lot of there reasoning for leaving is valid, I have to say. I always find myself ministering to them in some fashion in the end. I know I have an evangelist gift but what is this about? I'm thinking " God, are you playin with me? You know I struggle with singleness !". Is this some sort of assignment? I don't hang out and purposely attract/seek these type of men.  Although I find them all very attractive and have this tug 0' war with my flesh.

Oh and on a far far side note,  I found out, from more than one person, that a friend of mine has a bad dating reputation. These were from two different men, mutual acquaintances I ran into, that went out with her and both said the same thing about her in regards to her behavior. It wasn't postive. Should I tell her? I know it sounds like a big pot of gossip but I'd wanna know if I'm creating a bad reputation for myself. 

[Agape]

Ooops, almost forgot to address the question about your friend. I agree totally with David Dupree post. You must pray and ask God how to handle this issue. The stories might not be true or they might be only half truths. If the rumors are true then it's very easy to figure out how you should handle the problem. God bless.

[1EagleSky]

Agree with David, don't date any of those types of guys mentioned above. As a matter of fact, I would say be careful in your efforts at ministering to them; it could turn into a different direction(ie, them trying to date you or faking like they've come back to the Lord in order to have a relationship with you). Also, I recently had a similar incident occur where I received questionable information about a long time friend, which sounded suspect. The person who told it was a professional person and an acquaintance of his. Being single is not a struggle. It's a way of life until you are married. Thionk of all the freedoms you have as a single that you flat out will not have once married. You can't just up and travel at the drop of a dime like you can when single....and when children come into the picture, unless you have money for babysitters, you won't be doing much travelling at all! This is the time to develop yourself and grow in God and lead others to God/help them grow in the Lord. Don't waste these years bemoaning the fact that you are not married. Being single can be lots of fun, too!