Next Chapter, Please. . . .

[GODSCHILD]

Hello Everyone,

I am Godschild and I would like your advice and opinions on a couple of issues that are affecting my relationship with the opposite sex (men).
Here we go:

I was raised in a home with both of my parents and my father was very abusive (emotionally and mentally) toward my mother. He would fuss and cuss and not even want her family to come around.  I somewhat understand the reason behind this because his family was not close at all and his father did the same while he was in the home growing up (as I understand it). Anyway, my grandfather was even worse than he was-(hiding food from the family, isolating himself when others came around, etc.).  Also my father never showed any affection toward me (hugs, saying I love you, no conversation about what to expect from men, no father/daughter relationship, etc.).  My mother, aunt, and both grandmothers had bad relationships with men (physical abuse, mental/emotional abuse). So I have yet to witness a very strong relationship in God as it should be with the man/woman and God as their guide and Lord (within my family--so I am thinking that this is a generational curse-BUT IT STOPS HERE-Because I refuse to be a victim of the enemy in my relationship that God will bless me to have.)

Sadly to say that I lost my father 2 years ago to cancer.

Now that I am older and long to have a relationship with someone I just recently noticed just how much of an impact this has taken on me.

I am in my mid 20s, very spiritual and active in my church, smart woman with a stable job, and independent.  You know, God has truly blessed me..  Might I add very quiet and to myself (especially toward men).  I am myself in the comfort of my own home among family, but not anywhere else (except for in the company of a very few chosen female friends.)  This is another thing that really bothers me---Why am I so much to myself in the presence of others.
I am very friendly and fun to be around--it's just that I can't seem to be comfortable around others--especially men.

Right now, there is someone of interest and it's mutual---we are glad to see each other and he has also initiated conversation to show interest but I have a problem with saying anything other than "I am fine and how r u".  This has been going on for about 2 years now if not more.  Ok, there are other things to say besides those few words.  Must I add--he seems to be a wonderful man of God (preacher - a little older than myself-15 yrs)-very fun and full of life.  Many of my friends tell me that it's okay to talk to someone.  Yes I know this but when you have been hurt over and over again by your first love and others that you thought weren't going to hurt you---that takes a toil on one's heart over time (This include relationships with pastors, church folk, and so-called friends).  I know that I have a wall around my heart and that I am afraid, fearful, and down right frightened to let anyone else in.  I need some help turning this page and moving to the next chapter of my life. Please pray for me that God will bless me with the strength and courage to allow him to tear down this wall around my heart and move out all fear.

It's time for Godschild to turn the page!! Next chapter, please. . . .
Words from God, Encouragement, Advice, Experiences are all welcomed.

Thank you Godschild

[David Dupree]

Hello Godschild,

There is nothing wrong with women having male friends.  Matter of fact, if you are fairly inexperienced with the opposite sex, then I would highly recommend it. 

Therefore, if this person who has been speaking to you for the past 2 years has shown himself friendly and you also, then enjoy it.  Allow him to engage you in conversation. 

The only way you will truly learn to guard your heart with all diligence is to be in situations that allow you to watch as well as pray.  Avoidance will not do it.

But first and foremost, you have to get it out of your head that this guy is a potential anything just because he is nice to you.  (What you said about him should be the interaction you receive from all the brothers at the church.)

Build a friendship.  And should the Lord see fit to direct the relationship in a different direction..then so be it.  That way, whether in closeness or in distance, you do not destroy a real friendship.    And you both keep a healthy respect for one another. 

dd