need help figuring this out

[LadyU]

Lately my best friend/ Ex-boyfriend and I have been talking and spending a lot of time together. He for the most part would ask me out (this in no way was one sided). Anyway, the other day he wrote me this e-mail. I am not sure how to respond.

Initially, I was upseg because he was asking me out, so if he wanted space all he had to do was stop inviting me out. I really don't know if it a mind game or not.

Anyway, he said that he justs want to spend a little less time together, but I thinking should I give him all the space in the world and just cut him off.

Here's the letter:

Hi "Kandyce",



I have some things to share with you.



I am at a place where God desires that I separate from things and people that represent my past life.  God was dealing with me on this for a while.  You were right about me hanging with "John", "Jerome", and others.  I am separating from them. I already e-mailed "Chris".  He is probably crying right now, but I need to spend more time around men who have not had the same issues that I have had.  Again you were correct.  I now realize that I need to go to another level in God, but I keep staying in a place of comfort.



I need to take risks if I am to be the man that God is calling for me to be.  This is un-chartered territory for me.  I am about to separate myself from "friends" both male and female.  In order to give birth to this spiritual baby inside of me that is on the verge of miscarriage.



The dynamics of friendship will have to change also.  You are one of my comfort zones.  I have never had problems hanging out with the ladies.  I need to spend more time hanging with the guys.  I do not feel like being one of the girls.  I know that we will always be best friends, but I need some more deliverance and time to myself.  I love you and I do not know what God has for the future.  You are a great friend who is not afraid to be honest with me.  However, I still think it would be best for us to spend less time together and talking.  I think we both do more wishful thinking about our future than we care to admit.  However, I believe we both need time to deal with our own individual issues separately.   I know that you will not agree, but that is fine.  You may surprise me, but I doubt it.       



I know that you have thoughts, so please hit me back.



"Donald"       

[David Dupree]

Hi LadyU,

I know you posted this for the ladies, but  I wanted to give my perspective too. 

I think it is a good thing that your "bestfriend" is moving toward his spiritual destiny.  The fact that he realizes that going toward his destiny necessarily involves him spending less time with you and him communicating that to you is a good thing. 

There is no need to take a hard line approach and cut him off totally because he is pursuing destiny.  He is not cutting you off.  But he is cutting some of his running buddies off.  However, if you feel that you can't withstand your "bestfriend's" desires, then don't cut him off--cut yourself off.   

Were you hoping that the increase in dates meant that you were getting back together?  You are "best friends" you know!  I applaud the fact that he enjoyed spending time with you.  It seems that it may have had the effect of spurring him onward in his spiritual journey.  That is a good thing.  But one thing about recognizing that journey is to realize that the wooing of relationship with God surpasses friendships and nothing satisfies the desire except being in the presence of the Awesome One, Jesus Christ.  Accept that there is one who is more important to him that you are.  That is a good thing.  Don't be jealous of the place his relationship with Jesus is taking in his life.

At the same time, be aware of the fact that if there are places he is going spiritually and you aren't there, then maybe it is time for you to grow more in your relationship with God too.  Don't do it for your friend, but do it for God. Your friend hears the Spirit compelling him to draw nearer.  Are you being drawn nearer too?  No this isn't a journey that the two of you need to do together!  But you will in effect cut yourself back because there will be a level of being "unequally yoked" if you don't understand his need/desire to give birth to his destiny in God. 

dd

[IAmBecauseHeIs]

Hi LadyU,

I agree with David. This isn't about you, while it may hurt because you were spending more time together--and you thought reconciling your relationship--you can't take this personally.

How do you respond? With encouragement. There is nothing else you can do. Encourage him to approach his walk with God with all diligence. He has a baby to birth and that baby needs to be nurtured to wholeness while it's still in the womb!

Be grateful to God for the time you two did spend in one another's lives. If nothing else, hold on to those tings you learned about yourself during the relationship. If God should restore your friendship and/or relationship, it will be in HIS time and on HIS terms.

[Vikki Johnson]

LadyU:  All you can do is believe what he says and then watch what he does.  I think it is quite mature of your "best friend/ex-boyfriend" to chase God.  It is commendable that he wants to be the man of God's intent and no longer live in the comfort zone of his and others' expectations.  While it may be uncomfortable that the context of interaction is changing between the two of you ~ the truth is ~ a friend loveth at all times.  A true friend also wants what God wants for you.  You must trust God to perfect everything that concerns you ~ including this friendship.

Don't take this as a "personal affront".  It's not about you ~ it's about him.  Love him enough to support him "from a distance" while he OBEYS God.  Transition and change is always difficult.  However, if the end result is positive transformation then it was worth it.  My challenge to you is to be "the friend" you say you are ~ surprise him and embrace his decision to separate himself.  At the end of the day, you will not miss anything that God has for YOU (Psalm 84:11)!

[Breathedonme]

Greetings!

I totally agree with what everyone has said, but I'd like to share with you a revelation God gave to me a few years ago, and I pray it will bless you.

God had to show me to see through "His" eyes or spiritual eyes.  That even when I am not in agreement with a person's choices to ask God to show me the gifts within them OR how to pray for them and PRAY FOR THAT BABY TO BE BIRTHED.

I hope I am relaying this well.  Pray and intercede on behalf of your friend as the enemy will try to throw him off course.  We all know that - that's not the big deal; however, your praying and fasting (as led of the Lord) for your best friend is a great gift.

God bless!