Struggling

[ANewDay]

Hello,

  The last time that you all heard from me was march 2005.
I have felt that my marriage had grown a lot since our last promblen, but I was wrong.  My husband is have an affair with a married women that he has known for two months.  Her husband caught them together and so did I.  Her husband put her out, and my husband do not want to leave.  I struggle with this because I fill its my fault that I always end up in this situation, I should have left a long time ago(when it first happen).  Don't get me wrong I love my husband with all my heart, sometimes I fil I love him to much.  Well after finding out about this women I also found out that she had an sexual transmitted disease.  I told my husband and we both were examine,  IT WAS TRUE.  It is a treatable STD (thank God) my husband is still associating with this women and he know for a fact that he got it from her.  This is my marriage that I am talking about, something that I value and it seems like I am the only one gettin hurt.  I struggle everyday because I know that when I am at work my husband is with this married women. WHAT DO I DO?
sometimes I get so upset that I can not function like I should, I have to be strong for my kids, but how long will it be until I crack. He still want to spend time with me , go to church with me, talk, laugh , play, all the things that we were ding before I found out .  But I can't.

[David Dupree]

Hi ANEWDAY,

Sorry it has taken so long for you to get a response.  I was hoping the women would chime in on this. 

Of course you have Biblical cause for divorce with your husband being cause in the act of adultery.  But just because you have cause does not mean you have to follow up on it.  You can choose to forgive and keep your marriage.  Of course you and your husband would need to get into counseling to work out the issues.    If he really wants his marriage, children and you, then he has a lot of work to do.  You have a lot of work to do if you want to get past the hurt etc. 

In the meantime, take your time.  There is no rule that says you have to snap back in one day.  Take time to be upset and hurt.   Work through it one step at a time. 

I hope he has cut the extra relationship off and all his other liaisons.  If he hasn't then hey, time to put him out too. 

By the way, it is not a  fault that you chose your marriage vows over leaving the first time.   The vow was to God.  Choosing to forgive and move forward is not the easiest thing in the world.  But you did it once.  If you want you can do it again, but your husband will have to make some tremendous strides to "prove" himself to you and for you to be able to regain his trust. 

Maybe there are some accountability things that the two of you can put into place to help him keep himself in check.  They can involve a third party such as a pastor or a man he trusts at your church.  Maybe it is time for a new church that will preach that spirit out of him. hahaha.  I know he has a part in it and needs to be contrite in wanting to lay aside those things that easily beset him. 

But if he is not going to choose to stop that behavior, you don't have to live with that foolishness.  If he won't leave the house then put him in another room without benefits!  By no means do you need to put your life in jeopardy through the possibility of STD's. 

dd