what does he want

[tippieangel]

hi are there any men out there to answer this question?

I had written about a visison i had about a Man I've know for a little over a year.FA told me to watch.I have beenand he was real respectful of the whole I'm not sleeping with you talk and he didn't question it or push the issue.Until recently.

I we are really struggling to keep sexual toughts feelings and all that other stuff that comes alone with "dating". We've attempted to set up rules ie kissing ok hugging ok  passionate embraces easy does it. Anyway he keeps asking me if I love him and that's making me wonder is it a set up for an old play. "IF you love me than show me by sleeping with me." And during our long "heart to hearts" he says if i want all of him I have to be willing to submitt to him. O.k. when your my husband.Do I have to now & with this?

:-[I cant lie and say I don't think about it cause boy do I
but I keep thinking about how much more wonderful it would be to make love to him as my husband than just another lover.

Anyway my question is : If he knows because he does and he respected it then what's really going on now? He tells me he can bearly get around me with out  needing a COLD shower.
I keep telling him it's just cause he can't have it that the devil is tempin' him(us).
How do i know now if his feelings are going in Love or LUST.


I want to love him but I need things to be in order and I can see that they are in danger of going to the left.Cause either he's going to come up to me or i'm go back to him and I don't think that thats the plan.

come on fellas Tell a sister the Truth is it game

[David Dupree]

Hi Tippie,

I don't know if I know enough about the relationship from your post to say if it is a game or not.  I do know this, "Now unto Him who is able to keep you from falling..."  God can keep you (meaning him too) if you want to be kept. 

I believe that there are some red flags popping up though.  That whole control situation with the submit thing is out of place. Submit is for the married folks.  You are not married to him as yet.  Also he is misinterpreting it.  The submit was to women because Paul knew they may have issue with it.  Likewise husbands love your wives was because Paul knew men may have an issue with it.  However, the opposites in each case are obvious and there was no need to state such.   Submitting doesn't not mean one person lords over the other.  He needs a humility checkup.  :-)   

Furthermore, because the sexual door may have been open in his previous life (and yours too) now is time to close the door.  He is a new creation.  Therefore, he (and you) must be transformed by the renewing of his mind.  That means that you stand even though all around on other ground is sinking sand..even if it is the so-called saints.  Do right because it is right, regardless of whether or not it is popular.  If you gonna live by the Book, then live by the Book!

How does the saying go??? He who knows to do right and doesn't do it, he is a fool..shun him.  You (and he) must lay aside every weight and sin which can easily beset you.  You must do that.  He must do that. 

dd

n.b.  He may need an accountability partner..someone who is stronger in the faith than he, that he can confide in and receive spiritual and natural nurturing. 

[Gracious]

Errrrrr - Ummmmmmmm ...

Jus' "sneakin' in" my sister to letcha' know that my prayers for your HOLY GHOST strength ... are with ya'.

LAWD" HAM' MERCY DUPREE  you done did it again

PREACHED to my spirit-a, when my valley is aaallll da' way on the utha side of da' river .... Amen?

[bishopbiscuits]

Hello

........... My stance is this: Be more sober (clearly thinking) in Christ than you are "caught up" in the pursuit of romance.
............Consider this. We are Christ's first. Seriously. Each of us has a value, beauty, and purpose that is revealed through Him. Anyone truly interested in romantically pursuing or receiving pursuit in a Christian relationship needs to learn how to protect and nurture this value , beauty, and purpose. Protect even from ourselves, to the glory of God, and the blessing of all.[/i][/b]
...........We are not our own, so we don't have the right to give ourselves sexually to anyone before marriage. We sometimes get so independent minded, i.e. grown up, that we forget that God has to give the OK. And the season for that OK rests within marriage.
...........Anyone who ignores/ can't see God's "NO" , because a "yes" from you will do, is coming like a thief. Selfishness has blocked their ears and narrowed their vision. They believe that they see exactly what they want, but what happens if they don't get it? Will they make a game of winning you over?

...........Of course, there are factors that can influence the desire for physical intimacy .

A....what you choose to view for entertainment
B.... who/what you listen to and why.
C... too many of your fellowship opportunities being just the two of you, especially in your private living space
D.....how you manage stress in general. Some people may try to use physical intimacy as a pacifier, or treat it as an indulgence when they have difficult situations
E......your individual style of flirtation, and the interpretation of messages "sent"
F.......your sense of your own value and desireability, which some try to prove through testing their influence in relationships
G....past experiences

.........I do recall from your previous post that you believe that he may be your future husband. He is also aware of this, to some degree. Has this influenced your interaction?
..........In your verbal and non-verbal communication, does he correctly perceive you as being "almost available" for intercourse? Or is he fooling himself, being caught up in imagined opportunities?  

............You two will need to take a look at your relationship and your priorities. Start now by setting up some space, boundaries, or conditions that do not set you up for compromise in this area. And don't let fear of losing him be a factor in your conviction to do things God's way. Though it may take adjusting to, it's worth it.

......... I definitely agree with brother Dupree about the possible need of an accountability partner for him.  And if he is the one for you, I just want to encourage you to be patient and watchful.

............God does not give us boundaries to punish us. He sets them so that we can more properly focus our energy and attention where they need to go. God does great work, and He needs to do more work with you two individually, before you both are ready to move towards the question or act of marriage. All things in due season.  

[tippieangel]

Thanks for the replies

I am all about the work being finished in both of us. So I stepped back and then I stepped out. Don't like it and it hurts so bad . But, If I didn't and kept going against Gods will it was going to end up so bad. I rather let it go now and let God work it out than to keep trying to fix it my way /our way. He's a good guy and he has a loving heart and helping hands  .And in time not ours but the Lords if its a good thing God will help it grow.

Much love my brothers
tippie