Bittersweet

[bishopbiscuits]

Dear Deep Waters,

.............I have never had to face the death of someone as close to me as my father before now. It has been about two weeks now, and all of the business around the funeral is done.
.............Living several states away since I was 10 years old, I am used to seeing him maybe once or twice a year. Always knowing that eventually, I would see him again.
.............First, I must thank God that he was a man of God. ( No fear of where his soul is resting. )  Our relationship with each other matured as we grew in Christ. And I must say that I was blessed with a good father, who helped anchor me, and taught me so much.
........... It's kind of an odd feeling for me to process the finality of no longer physically seeing him. So, I feel a little out of sorts, since I am not used to regularly seeing him in the first place. I took for granted his always being there, so I never truly considered losing him.
...........Thankfully, the last moments that I physically saw him, were just filled with mutual love, care, and support for each other. This was back in march.
...........Though there are some changes, and perhaps challenges that come with his passing away in the natural, I still feel -as I always have - that he is with me in my heart. And the good things that we have shared will continue to be a part of me.

........................    bb 

[deelee]

BB you are in my thoughts and prayers. It is good to see you working it out. Stay Blessed.
Always deelee

[Forum Administrator]

Hi BB. The love that you displayed for your father in being willing to even "lay down your life" for him is a blessing that I'm sure he took with him into eternity. Blessings and peace be multiplied to you. You know we love you!

[David Dupree]

Aw man!!! Sorry to hear about your Dad.  Please know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. 

Continue to do as you have done and reflect on the times you had with your father-good and bad, bitter and sweet.  You have them.  Don't neglect them. 
There is still learning in those memories, as there is comfort.
And by all means don't forget to call upon your DW family for support when you feel like you need it and when you don't. 

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal.  But earth can put a little salve on it while the healing is going on. 

dd

[Gracious]

Dear BB,

I believe that every "spirit" has a name (given by GOD) and when you claim a spirit into your life ... that "spirit" is then enjoined with you ... Amen?

Your posts have shown us your spirit ... it is a welcoming, peaceful, and kind spirit ... and I am convinced that the spirit of a woman (your mom) has alot  to do with this.

But, there is another portion of you that has been revealed in your postings ... The spirit that allows you to see beyond what is comfortable and safe (a stinging press...if you will); this enables you to persue the truth / the real of a situation ...Stepping out of the comfort zone and into challange!!! Amen? ...I believe this spirit to have come from your dad / your father!!!

During this time of bereavement (as was said, "our prayer & thoughts are with you") please continue to invite the HolY Spirit to extend even more of HIMSELF into your heart ... you see, all that is good is of GOD ... including the goodness of your dad!!! Amen?

Please continue to allow the goodness of your dad (his spirit) ... to saturate your heart ... then release this love into the universe ... it makes a blessed difference in us.

Thank you & Luv ya'  BB

Gracious

[bishopbiscuits]

Thank you so much for your support! 

...........I need to stand still, though I haven't been still much since my dad's passing. But I realize that I have some things to pray about and give active thought to, that I didn't before.......
...........Sometimes consciously, sometimes not, I have made a point to avoid absorbing what his passing means. Due to the number of sporadic changes in my family, most after my parents divorced on bad terms in '79, -(I was five)-  I have a dislike for some types of change in my personal life.
..........To very briefly summarize, several custody changes, moving every few years ( my current residence is the only place I've been in for 6 yrs ). Learning to connect and disconnect emotionally, while operating in line with whomever was "running the family relationship show" , the ties that bind were stretched and strained in all family relations, except my immediate brother and sister. ( We found shelter in God and each other through these things. )
..........One of my goals was to begin to build a current relationship and understanding with my Dad.  We always had memory lane with its happy, sad, dramatic, and funny moments, but I wanted to know him and him to know me in the "now."
...........I knew that he wanted to be more a part of my life, and I wanted that too. I just never got into a rhythm of communicating very much.
............Ultimately, I know that he is proud of the man that I have grown to be and that he loves me. I also still admire, love, and respect him very much.
........... I will not try to hide my feelings or bury them within myself. I must let God help me work this out.
...........Some of the ways that I have related to my Heavenly Father -good and bad- have been reflections of my relationship with my earthly father. So, I am finding lessons to learn, that I may have ignored as well.
.........I am gradually absorbing many things right now. One thing that I do know, he would not want me to get stuck in what ifs and the woulda, coulda, shoulda game. He would want me to learn, grow, and appreciate those that I still have.
.........I am thankful that he knew that I loved him, and that knowledge is helping me with tying up some emotional loose ends.

..............Again thank you Deep Waters!! I love you all too!!! 

[Novelist]

Sincerely, I feel the same way about my uncle who recently passed.  The way it happened was tragic.  He was killed for no reason.  He was not involved in a gang or drug dealing, although he had his struggles, but he was hard working, loved God, always attended family gatherings, and he was in church for the past year or so getting his life straight.  He was at the revival at my church a week before his passing and he was crying out to God.  I am not sure what all of this meant, but it did not cross my mind that he would be gone at this time.  I know what you are feeling.  In the midst of all of this, God is the only strength that can keep me together.  I am still grieving and learning to accept it, but it can be hard to think about because of how much my uncle has influenced my family.  Not only that, he won souls to Christ by going to the streets, feeding the hungry, witnessing, and just being a man of God.  I believe he is with the Lord because he was saved and for whatever reason, God knew what he was doing with his life.  In all of this, be prayerful, be strong and let's continue to pray for each other because it is tough.  Love and Prayers are with you.



Novelist.

[faithsaves]

BB,

My love and prayers are with you.  Thanks for sharing with us in your moment of grief.

God Bless,

faithsaves