Post partum depression

[sagesong]

Ladies,

This might be long.  I had a baby three months ago.  Shortly before the baby was born, I began having these crying "fits".  I would cry for nothing or over the smallest things.  This situation only worsened after I had the baby. I would cry like my heart was truly broken.  I would physically feel pain.  I began to have thoughts of killing myself.

Recently,  I missed an entire week of work.  On the way to work, I had a serious episode.  I drove from 7:00 in the am until 1:00 in the afternoon. While driving I was having thoughts and visual images of ending my life.  At one point while driving across the Bay Bridge, I had a visual of myself free falling into the water.  I checked into a hotel and cried and called my husband and his mistress, repeatedly.  I was out of control with anger and grief.

I did not go to work for the entire week.  I cried and prayed mostly all day everyday.  Even before this episode, I had little energy. What energy I had was spent trying to make it through the work day.  I would standing in front of my class trying to teach and burst out crying.  I teach the second grade. 

It doesn't help that my husband is also planning to leave me -- Not related to the depression, but not helping I'm sure. 

My emotions are so out of control that I am behaving so out of character. My husband has this "friend" who he talks to all day everyday.  They had one call that lasted 356 minutes.  I have spoken with her several times.  She asserts that they are just friends.  She kept telling me she would end their friendship because I told her it was not healthy for my marraige.  I thought the time he spent talking to her should have been invested into building the foundations of our marraige.  We have only been married about 1 year.  Anyway, once I told my husband that I had talked to her, he told her to stop talking to me. 

So of course she did.  Which quite honeslty only served to enrage me.  I began calling her repeatedly.  Really, since she is also "saved"  I thought if I could just reason with her she would see that this friendship with my husband wasn't right.  Well, as a result my husband's mistress has filed harassment charges against me.  I am facing three months of jail time. 

I guess the good news is that this situation has pushed me back into the arms of my first love -- Jesus the Christ.  I have resumed my prayer life and am reading the Bible again. 




Just to update.  I am currently typing this message from my mother's computer.  I left my home last night because my husband attacked me.  I attended my first therapy session on Friday.  The doctor reminds of Dr. Phil -- very frank.  So he feels that I have swallowed so much disrespect in my marriage which is affecting my self esteem. Well, the next time my husbands "friend" called him at 9:00 Saturday at night.  I asked him to show me enough respect not to talk to his girlfriend while he is sitting up in my house.

He attacked me.  Pulled a clump of my hair out.  Pushed me to the ground.  Kicked me and punched me.  The police came, but he wouldn't leave and they couldn't make him.

[Gracious]

Lord please guide my tongue on this page...walk before me Oh GOD...and let the words from my mouth and the meditations from heart be acceptable unto you...Oh My GOD...The LOVER of my SOUL...My REDEEMER!!!  And so it is...AMEN!!!

My Dear Sister Sagesong:

These concerns you've raised are truly Lord driven...in that there are soooooooo many tandem (recurring) issues in your sharing, that sooooooo many women are or have experienced & never fully recovered from.

Sista' Sage...I'm so sure that you know what your handle means ...Amen? :

•   Sagacious
•   Wise
•   Learned
•   Clever
•   Perceptive
•   Erudite
•   Astute
•   Knowledgeable
•   AND MUCH MORE....

....ergo, it is by no accident (of your doing) that you chose your handle/on-line name...Amen?  Truly GOD is/was in your creative thinking!!!

I've watched you girl, and you are a BAAAAD SUSTA' (meaning: you are ALLLL That...w/ da' chips, soda & da' straw!!!) If you don't believe me ... just re-read your own responses to others on this site.

Yeah, I hear your words on this thread & they bring tears of deep sadness to my eyes ... BUT ... The HOLY GHOST is saying the exact opposite regarding you AND your predicament(s).

Susta' ... you say:

"... I had a baby three months ago.  Shortly before the baby was born, I began having these crying "fits"... I would physically feel pain.  I began to have thoughts of killing myself. ... Recently,  I missed an entire week of work. On the way to work, I had a serious episode.  I drove from 7:00 in the am until 1:00 in the afternoon ... At one point while driving across the Bay Bridge, I had a visual of myself free falling into the water.  I checked into a hotel and cried and called my husband and his mistress, repeatedly.  I was out of control with anger and grief..."

Please don't take offense to my question ... Are you sure that what you are experiencing is postpartum Didn't you even question this in your post?   Or rather, are your actions predicated on bottled-up emotions, experiences endured by a lifetime of being disrespected.

Dear sagesong, I say this because one doesn't just end up in a desperate situation, such as you've stated ...out of the blue...just as an expert craftsman needs master training and massive experience to be the best at his/her craft ... so too does a person who's suffered the kinds of degradations you have.

Yes, years of being mistreated, teaches the victim how to be mistreated and at some point the enemy of your soul will "kick-in" - to do what the enemy does --- steal, kill, & destroy ...probably why thoughts of ending your life came upon you...

LORD, I REBUKE THIS LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL...MY SISTA' IN YOU-LORD...IS FAR GREATER THAN... AND NOT BOUND BY DESPERSATE THINKING ... FATHER!!!  LET HER BE CONSUMED BY A HUNGER FOR THE MEAT OF YOUR WORD LORD!!!

How does one speak to satan as the liar from the pit...that he is   HUUNEY, you jus' open your Bible, then open your mouth and start emphatically fighting for your life!!!

Sage, you open your bible to the book of Matthew 6: [/color]

Do Not Worry

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

MATTHEW 11

Rest for the Weary

25At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. 26Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.
27"All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
YES, sagesong, please release these scriptures from your mouth into the atmosphere, and begin to speak LIFE into your OWN situation:

JOHN 14

Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit

15"If you love me, you will obey what I command. 16And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever-- 17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[c] in you. 18I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."

[/color]


The HOLYSPIRIT is "our Comforter" and has been given to us as an act of supreme love - a "WAY" of ABBA FATHER showing us...even when we don't know how to see HIM in our lives ... HE is ever-present, never-ending, always within us - with us.

Long reading ... anticipated over-coming

Gracious [/color]