My Marriage

[ANewDay]

Greetings and Happy New Year


     I have posted many messages on the forum, and still their are many things that remain on my mind.  2005 was a strange year for me, I was hurt in many was, yet God still bless and gave me joy.  The devil tried in many to tear my family apart, but by god grace and mercy we hung in there.
Not saying that I am right all the time, my concern is about my husband. I have heard people say once a cheater always a cheater.  How true do you think this statement is?  Yes my husband have cheated in the past, 85% of it I know about(do this make me crazy for staying) and he said he would stop.  One of the topics I discussed was "out all night" will that have ceased a lot.  I love my husband and my family with all my heart.  A month age I put the cards on the table about cheating before we moved into our new home, He said that he was wrong and that he was through with that well I don't know how sincere he is.  I know time will tell, but I don't want to be hurt again. Are these feeling I'm having normal, will they ever go away. I feel that we have a wonderful marriage,  we still date, our sex life is great (I ask him was that the problem), and we spend quality time together with our kids.  I cook, clean and try to make him feel special, and he does the same.  Yes we have our disagreement, but we don't stay mad long, I know he loves me.  So why do I have doubts

Thank You for Listen

[Forum Administrator]

Hello ANewDay. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your post but you have been in my thoughts and prayers. In 2005 you experienced and expressed a lot of hurt and went through some stressful situations, but you will have victory this year!

I want you to start by dropping all of the "people say" mentalities. Stop worrying about what people say or might say. It's a trick to keep your mind in chaos and confusion. This year I want you to focus on what God says. "Any man [or woman] in Christ is a new creation; old things are passing away; look, everything is becoming new!" (2 Corinthians 5:17) Once a _________ always a ___________ is not true especially when you're in Christ. God is able to change the heart of any person who is willing to be transformed through His word and by His power.

I want you to stop worrying about what might be because the truth of the matter is, even if the worst case scenario became true, it would not kill you. Hurt, yes... but it would not kill you. If worse came to worse, and you knew that the worst was true/proven, then God will give you grace to deal with that. Specific grace is available to meet the specific need at the specific time (Hebrews 4:16). But right now, you are heaping trouble on your own head by worrying about things that you are not sure of. Worry does not change anything for the better and it doesn't make you any taller (Matthew 6:27)  . Too many of us are bound by fear of what might/could be, so much so that the focus is on death rather than life. Today, this year, you must choose life!

The enemy will tempt you to doubt: that's his job. But you must cast down every thought that is not based on what God says and what you know to be true. Memorize Philippians 4:6-8 and use that as your weapon against doubt and to condition your mind to shift from those things that will bring death to your spirit/life/marriage to those things that will bring life. "...Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." (Philippians 4:8 ) I also encourage you to take the 40 Days of Healing Affirmation challenge that is in the new Release The Pearl category.

Don't give the enemy a foothold in your life/marriage. Talk to God about those things that concern you as often as necessary and live by faith in the Son of God who loves you and gave Himself for you (Galatians 2:20). A wise woman builds up her house/marriage and a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. (Proverbs 14:1) Live your life. Focus on pleasing God and regardless of what anyone else around you may or may not be doing, your life will be fulfilled. 

One last thing: I recommend that you and your husband both read the book "The Man of Her Dreams, The Woman of His" written by two of our newest moderators Joel and Kathy Davisson. You can find details about the book and purchasing information by viewing the Deep Waters Vol. 16 newsletter[/iurl]. Read it individually. If you both apply the principles outlined in this book, your lives and marriage will never be the same.

[Patricia Ashley]

I have heard people say once a cheater always a cheater.  How true do you think this statement is?

  This statement is not true. It is possible to be restored. To say that a person can never change is to say that there is no redemption power available.   

    When someone you love betrays you it cuts deep, the wound will take a long time to heal.  What is necessary is that the person is allowed to earn your trust. If they are not working at earning your trust then I would question their sincerity. The fear of being hurt again is normal but it shouldn't interfere with the process of healing and trusting again.

What you are dealing with is an age-old problem call LUST. It is normal for you to doubt when trust has been betrayed.

It would be wise of you to protect yourself from contracting any forms of sexually transmitted disease.  In a very wise way make sure to communicate to your husband ways in which he can earn your trust. Pray for him, pray together.

    Spend quality time in the word. Your husbands' adultery has defiled you and the word will sanctify you, cleanse your soul and spirit. If he is sincere ask him to restore your soul by reading the Bible to you.


Joyfully,
Pat Ashley

[h]

I don't believe that saying either.  People can change if they truly want to, and are sincere.  I think the fact that he loves you is a very good incentive alone!

Please concentrate on forgiving him.  You need to feel this forgiveness in your heart.  God asks us to do this.  I think with good reason also!  If we don't forgive hate and angry will eat us up inside.  Forgiveness doesn't mean to be a doormat, nor does it mean that trust is restored.  Obsolution of his sin isn't included in forgiveness - in the true sense! That is given by God when he truly repents, and asks for forgiveness.  I would think your Husband knows that God also expects him to turn away from that sin, and not return!

His job now is to restore your trust, and find ways for you wish to feel very close to him after his betrayal.  If you see this effort in his fruit your trust in him will be restored.  Your feelings of betray will leave you.  This takes time, and I hope that he is patient with you!

I pray for blessings on your marriage, and that it will be restored and better than before.  That you both learn things about each other, and that your faith grows with the years.

[ANewDay]

God Bless



     Your words of encouragement.  I pray that  time will heal all my wounds, and that I can fully trust my husband again.  I can admit that he trying to change and I am grateful for that.   Please keep me in your prays.




ANEWDAY