is it ok?

[goodfriend]

There is a young lady that I have expressed an interest to, we've decided to spend the necessary time in prayer, seekin the Lord for direction for the next step. We have a good friendship. I found out not long after i started developing strong desires for her, that she dated a friend of mine. They dated for a few months. and broke up. From what i know, this gentleman has currently found someone new, and from all indications, he's very serious about his new find. It has been several months since this young lady and her ex broke up, in this case she broke up with him.

The depth of my friendship with the guy in this case is due association with a very good friend.

I have approached her, and she did not mention this as something she was worried about at all, she didnt even bring it up, she's more interested in seeking God about it, and is excited about the process of waiting on God for an answer, which either way (forward or as is, is fine with me)... this is a GREAT confirmation for me. I have experienced dating ex's of friends in the past, and from my experience, the struggles came from not dealing with past feelings. I have talked with this young lady in particular and this does not seem to be the case. 

I am praying, I know that this fear is from a desire to do what makes others happy. I also believe that my fear comes from bad experiences with related situations in my past. I am currently praying, and I know that if this is God's pleasing and perfect will, no weapon formed against this shall prosper. Not even man's words. i refuse to convince myself, as though it's something evil that i am doing. I've decided to obey God.

Thats the key i believe. God centered. God directed.

[Gracious]

Goodfreind:

From what I've read...

"...is it ok?"

..."it"... seems to me, as if you've answered your own question...Amen? 

Good testimony...by the way!!!

Would you agree that, whenever there is an internal struggle (however diminutive); it is wisest...to be ever mindful of the REAL struggle / wrestle...Amen? ... Asking questions like ... Lord...have I positioned / stilled my will to hear AND OBEY...YOUR WILL???

For the WILL of GOD says:

Ephesians 6: 10-12
(King James Version)

"...10Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

11Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places..." [/color]

*****************
"is it ok?"

Goodfriend, our Spirit (GOD-FORCE) is in constant / consistent communication with our heart & mind (housed by our temple). 

Therefore, whenever we face a dilemma (a spiritual place where good and evil collide), we are never alone ... or ... weaponless in our struggle; GOD's promise is ever present within us (remember...Jehovah Shammah).

If there is hesitation regarding a thing / situation, before...during...and or after prayer...ALWAYS listen to the Holy One within... (to make "it" plain)... Get back and or STAY on your knees (as in, before the presence of Yahweh) ...until HIS WILL is clear.

To make it even plainer...

When "it" comes to matters of the heart (ROMANCE) ... "HESITATION" (questioning one's self as well as your love interest) doesn't have to mean weakness ... it can mean quite the opposite...

...to value your emotional health (a gift) ... so much so, that you seek HIS face, as you've done, when you said:[/color]

" ... I am praying, I know that this fear is from a desire to do what makes others happy. I also believe that my fear comes from bad experiences with related situations in my past. I am currently praying, and I know that if this is God's pleasing and perfect will, no weapon formed against this shall prosper. Not even man's words. i refuse to convince myself, as though it's something evil that i am doing. I've decided to obey God.

Thats the key i believe. God centered. God directed. I've decided to obey God..."

...Speaks directly to my heart, and I can securely say that you cannot choose wrongly.

A cautionary note:

"...1Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, according to the promise of life which is in Christ Jesus..." spoke / speaks to us about "fear"...
Fear, as in the kind you've stated ... is NOT a spirit of GOD:

2 Timothy 1: 6-10

6Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands.

7For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
8Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God;
9Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began,
10But is now made manifest by the appearing of our Saviour Jesus Christ, who hath abolished death, and hath brought life and immortality to light through the gospel:

*******************

Goodfriend...do guard your gates against undo "people-pleasing"...for this will compromise your walk with GOD, which could cost you your very soul.

ONLY...GOD will lift you above your desires so that you can see the REAL picture...HIS plan for your life!!!


Gracious

[goodfriend]

Thanks, for the advice gracious, you know i've been waiting for someone to respond, and i thank you for your input.

I know that there are many other christians that are probably in a similar situation. The desire to do the right thing sometimes will cause us to take on guilty feelings, but i think that's a pride issue. Not a God issue. Everything that God ordains is good and pleasing in His sight amen! not man's.

Oswalt chambers said it best in today's devotional:

Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God
--1 Corinthians 10:31


Beware of allowing yourself to think that the shallow aspects of life are not ordained by God; they are ordained by Him equally as much as the profound. We sometimes refuse to be shallow, not out of our deep devotion to God but because we wish to impress other people with the fact that we are not shallow. This is a sure sign of spiritual pride. We must be careful, for this is how contempt for others is produced in our lives. And it causes us to be a walking rebuke to other people because they are more shallow than we are. Beware of posing as a profound person

We are safeguarded by the shallow things of life. We have to live the surface, commonsense life in a commonsense way. Then when God gives us the deeper things, they are obviously separated from the shallow concerns. Never show the depth of your life to anyone but God. We are so nauseatingly serious, so desperately interested in our own character and reputation, we refuse to behave like Christians in the shallow concerns of life.

Make a determination to take no one seriously except God. You may find that the first person you must be the most critical with, as being the greatest fraud you have ever known, is yourself.

Amen. Thanks Gracious.

Saints be encouraged

[Forum Administrator]

Hello goodfriend. (Thanks Gracious for jumping in.) As I read your post, I was not clear on some things. You ask "Is it ok?" Is what ok? You also said,

I know that this fear is from a desire to do what makes others happy.

What fear?

I am currently praying, and I know that if this is God's pleasing and perfect will, no weapon formed against this shall prosper. Not even man's words.

Is that last statement in regards to this developing relationship or fallout from a past experience?

i refuse to convince myself, as though it's something evil that i am doing. I've decided to obey God.

Convince yourself of what? What could/might be considered evil?

Forgive all these questions, but I'd like to be a little clearer on what you're saying/asking before responding. Sifting through the questions and really seeing the truth of the matter will help bring [more] clarity.

[Gracious]

Hello Goodfriend:

I'm grateful that what I'd shared regarding your dilemma, was encouraging for you.

Though your original post was not perplexing to me ... your second post was ...  most especially regarding your quote from Oswalt Chambers.

I do agree with much of what you've quoted him as saying; however I'm unsure of where / how... this fits into our previous discussion (your topic).

Like our Madame Forum Administrator... I'm attentively awaiting your response.

Gracious Huuugs  

[goodfriend]

Cool, it seems there's a bit of misunderstanding. I'll explain.

As I read your post, I was not clear on some things. You ask "Is it ok?" Is what ok? You also said,

I know that this fear is from a desire to do what makes others happy.

What fear?

I am currently praying, and I know that if this is God's pleasing and perfect will, no weapon formed against this shall prosper. Not even man's words.

Is that last statement in regards to this developing relationship or fallout from a past experience?

i refuse to convince myself, as though it's something evil that i am doing. I've decided to obey God.

Convince yourself of what? What could/might be considered evil?

Is it ok: Is it right for me to have this feeling of fear? Like i'm doing something wrong with desiring to begin a relationship with this girl. A girl that used to date a friend. She broke up with him several months ago, and since has been faithfully living her life. he has moved on to be with someone else. I explained the depth of my relationship with the guy who she use to date

The depth of my friendship with the guy in this case is due association with a very good friend.

My fear comes from a bad experience with dating another ex of my friend in the long past. She did not deal with the past relationships in her life, and she brought that into the picture. Needless to say, it created a bitter situation in that experience.

I am aware that the mistakes that someone in the past made has nothing to do with the actions that someone completely different will make, however, If i know all the answers, then WHY DO I STILL FEEL LIKE I'M ASKING FOR TROUBLE? THat's why it seems like i'm asking so many questions, "Is it right to feel this way, Is it ok to have these thoughts, Is this something wise, based on the situation"

My desires for this lady is beyond an emotional or physical point of view, its much deeper. I've spent sometime with her, working in a church setting with her, and way before i even knew that she was dating this gentleman, i have been praying for her.

I just wondered out loud if my fear, and internal trepidation i am feeling is something that i should ignore or something that I should consider and walk away from this girl...

That's why i concluded with

I am currently praying, and I know that if this is God's pleasing and perfect will, no weapon formed against this shall prosper. Not even man's words. i refuse to convince myself, as though it's something evil that i am doing. I've decided to obey God.

Hence the question "Is it ok"

Make sense now?

[Forum Administrator]

Hi goodfriend. Thanks for the clarification. That helps. To answer your question: no, it is not okay or right for you to have this feeling of fear. This kind of fear, as you are already experiencing to some degree, brings torment. I see nothing apparently inappropriate or inordinate about your desire for a relationship with this girl. Based on what you've said, she is uninvolved (in a present or past relationship) and she is seemingly interested in the possibility of a relationship with you.

Some fear is appropriate such as in the presence of imminent danger. Then there is the fear that we have as it pertains to our appropriate reverence for our awesome God. However, the fear you are describing sounds more like anxiety, and you are not to be anxious about anything, but instead to pray about those things/people that concern you (see Philippians 4:6-8). If you do this, God has promised to give you such a peaceful state of mind that even you won't be able to understand why you're so calm and relaxed. Don't ignore the fear: confront it with prayer and trust in the Word of God and the promise of His good plans for you.

You have been affected by someone in your past who brought their past relationship into your then present relationship. Don't you make the same mistake. Past relationships are just that: past. As long as both persons involved realize that and neither are tied to the past via unresolved issues or soul/emotional ties, you're free to move forward into the future. One of my personal rules of thumb when it comes to relationships is, don't bring your past into your present if you want to have a future.