Out all Night

[ANewDay]

Hello,

I'm Writing to ask for advice on a issue in my marriage.  My husband loves to go out on the weekend.  He works at night and is never at home during the weekdays after 8:00 p.m.  But when he get's a day off he goes out.  Yes sometimes I think it is another women, and yes I have express myself to him.  It does no good , I feel cheated out of a marriage , I feel that he don't want to be with me, but he says its not the case.  I have never told anyone this but I feel stupid that I have a husband that don't care about my feelings, and my well-being.  All I get is pray and maybe things  will change.  I do trust god but I 'm tired I have been dealing with issues in marriage since the first  month.  GOD KNOWS MY PAIN!!! Yes I do think about leaveing but I
don't because I'm not leaving for the right reason.  I'm leaving to show him that he can not do me like that, but I still love him and I have two sons 1&4.
Sometimes I wish god just have mercy on my marriage, and make it out of a marriage that is pleasing to him.  Me and my husband attend church every sunday, sing in the choir, he is a junior decon, and yes he comes home at 2:00 in the morning and be at church at 9:00, no that is not pleasing to god, and maybe my fussing either.   Please help me find a solution to this promblen. He says things will change i promise.


Will I ever see a New Day

[David Dupree]

Hi ANEWDAY! 

I believe your New Day is still on the way!  :-)  Ever tried to walk through your house at night and bumped into anything?  Well that is what you are doing in your night--just getting a few bumps.  :-)  I know that isn't really comforting, but you should take comfort in the fact that morning does come regardless of how you hurt or how many bumps you take.

Speaking directly, let me say that I hope that you will only allow your discernment to speak to you and not any other voices.  What I am saying is that unless you know something, you know nothing.  Yes things are not the best right now, but that doesn't mean he is messing around (unless he is just awfully bold).  You want to know something?  Ask him.  Unless your discernment told you that he is lying, then accept what he said albeit with skepticism..even though you don't believe it.

One thing about men is that from time to time we need our space.  Maybe he doesn't have that time or space at home, so he goes out.  Maybe when he comes home from work, the demands and pressures are so great and the only "peace" he can receive is to go back out the door.  No it doesn't make for the best relationship, but this may be the only way he can balance things for now.  Sure the optimum thing would be for him to talk to you about it...but that is too much like right. :-)

Don't even think about tossing your relationship out just because it is a bit rocky right now.  Dismiss the "D" word from your vocabulary.  You have some good footing.  He goes to church with you, is a jr. deacon etc.  Works everyday.  Build on that.  Accentuate the positive.

Are there other issues?  Do you smell liquor or beer or marijuana or perfumes on him when he comes home from being out late at night?

How does he do at spending time with the children?  Does he take them with him sometimes when he goes out.  Maybe you need to sit down with him and "agree" on a time when he will watch the kids while you go out and about.  If you aren't getting any downtime, that can also cause you to "think badly."

Have you expressed to him in a non-fussing way your discontent?  Maybe you should ask him to go to counseling with you so that a neutral party can be there when you discuss your issues and offer healthy suggestions to work through them.

One of the most important treasures of a marriage is trust. If he destroys it; that is one thing.  But don't let the enemy (who is out to destroy families and marriages anyway) destroy it for you.

dd

[h]

First of all I'm so sorry for your pain.

I hope that you both seek some counseling for our issues.  I think everyone needs their space..lol including women at times!  No offense but I don't buy the space comment from above.  Men are to love their wifes as they love themselves.  They are to love them as Christ loved the church.  Everyone has pressures, and running from them isn't going to solve anything.  He can get his space in a computer room after the kids go to bed!  If this is a problem to her it needs to find some sort of resolution between the both of them.  You can't respect someone if they don't take your needs and wishes under consideration.  You need to find some middle ground!  There is nothing wrong with going out every now and again!  I hope he allows you the same pleasure!

Please don't jump to conclusions about another woman.  Make sure you have something there before going down that road.  This also needs to be addressed, and if he absense is making you feel this way its just another reason why this situation needs to be resolved.

Please pray for good counsel, and that both of your hearts are open to each other - accepting of each other.  Jesus tells us to give our burdens to him.  Ask him for a change of heart within your husband, and also yourself.  Praise him for all the good things you do have, and place entrust your pain with him.  He will see you thru this!

[Breathedonme]

Sister - I will reiterate what I recently wrote on another thread to a sister having troubles in her marriage.  You must work on you! 

I surely feel for your heartbreak.  Although I may not know what you are feeling, totally; I have been where you are and remember the pain of it.

My prayers are with you and your husband (and your children).  Sister, while you are going through this time, something has to change from the norm.  You have to move and do things that you weren't doing before.  Like you said you pray and go to church, well it's time for your new level in Christ.  My most favorite verses which helped me through some extremely painful times can be found in Jeremiah 29:11-14(a). 

As a child of the King, He is there to order your steps.  My sister, increase your worship time with the Father.  You probably know this, but I will say it anyway -- anyone can praise God - we hear people say - "Well, thank God or thank you Jesus" and they may not even believe in God or are saved. 

As saved folks, we can praise God for all of the wonderful things that He has done for us; however, WORSHIP -- my goodness.  That is going before the throne of God and adoring Him, giving Him words of praise for WHO He is.  It is like making love to the Father.  It is a place like no other.  When you go to this secret place as well as in His word you will be strengthened and renewed. 

Will you still go through -- yeah - we put on the armor of God, but no one ever said there wouldn't be dents in that armor as we are battling (I am not that clever, that is the name of a song -- LOL).

I pray that you are going to a great Bible teaching church.  It is a GOOD thing that your husband is in a place to hear the Word.  We don't know what seeds are being planted and/or watered.  At least he is in the house.  Now, God needs to minister to you on what to do and how to do it.  If your husband loves the Lord, then you have a good starting place!  As you know, you can't change your husband (all the complaining in the world probably won't change that); however, GOD can make a change!  Hallelujah!

IT IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE - to live with someone while they are hurting you, but if you can change your thinking with the things and promises of God -- taking by force the things that are yours in the spirit realm.  Gyrl, you've got us praying for you; you have the promises of God. 

Remember, as a married couple, his body belongs to you and yours belongs to him.  TELL THAT DEVIL TO RELEASE YOUR BODY.  Continue to pray for that man.  Continue to seek God for wisdom and discernment.  As you change in this situation, God will get you through this.  Oftentimes, we look for the other person to change when God says I will work on him, but I want you to release to me and let me work on you.  Focus on your relationship with Christ - grow deeper in Him (even through the tears).

GYRL, GOD CAN DO IT!!!!

I don't mean to make light of your situation at all!!!  I just know that God is faithful and if for a season you can take your focus  OFF (as best possible) on what is going on as much as what can change -- God can do it.  How do I do this???  The Word says to think on those things which are good, lovely . . . .  Also, do you have hobbies?  With little children, your hands must be full, but does Mommy find time to pamper herself?  When I was going through a season of pain from a broken marriage, God laid on my heart to feed the homeless -- again, this is just my example.  Something to help me come out of myself and give to others. 

When you are alone in that house, pray through it -- claim victory -- thank God for changing your husband -- thank God for bringing the solutions in your home.  Even if it seems that things might get worse for a while, lean and trust on the Word.

My heart bleeds for you, but on the other side of it, I am rejoicing about what God can and will do! 

Be encouraged, Beloved!