How are u so sure

[grace]

I spoke with Aleathea privately about this matter and was urged to post to the boards so bare with in as I do a slightly edited version due to details as well as growth from that email up to now.

Anyway, I believe God showed me the person I am to marry, yet another female has come on the scene which is kinda leaving me confused about the situation. However one thing I did not mention in the first email aleathea is the fact that I've had several dreams about this among other things. One dream of his meeting another female and I'm kinda on the sidelines crushed, and one following that where he says I told you we were going to get married what were you so worried about?

It's the craziest thing but even with that all the dreams I've had are not consistent. So I don't have total trust in that. And I think what is bigger than my marrying this guy or not marrying him is if I heard from God correctly. And if I did why exactly is he allowing me to see all that I am? Part of me feels a need to hold on to what I believe God told me and part of me feel foolish for holding on to this and yet when I pray for release not only does it not come, I still get messages on marriage and I'm just like what in the world is going on here.

And it's hard to explain and not get into deep detail but basically the female let her feelings be known to him, whereas I've kinda sat back and waited and prepared waited and prepared trying to see why God would put us together and all of that and it makes perfect sense to me.  Even when he'd say small things that let me know the interest was 2 sided I still wouldn't feed into it for one not wanting to be wrong and not wanting to "hook up" with someone based on attraction I want who the lord has for me period. And I do remember his saying he's shy in situations like this but my feeling again being if this is God he will give him the words to say. But now I'm like is this female just a part of the process or is he making his "choice" figuring I had no interest in him as I sat and waited sat and waited

Anyway any feed back? For married folks that know that they know they are married to the one, what was the process you went throught before saying I do?

[Forum Administrator]

Thank you for sharing with others who may relate and benefit. As I shared with you in my offline response, you sound like a woman who sincerely wants the will of God to be worked out in her life.
 
When God revealed to me that I would be married, there were many times when I wondered/doubted that I had indeed heard from God. God did not tell me who my husband was going to be, but he did allow me to see the man who would be my husband (at my request, I might add), but at the time, I did not even realize it.  But I do remember those times of wondering if I was on track with what I believed the Lord promised me. (If you want more information about the process I went through in waiting for the promise God gave me to be fulfilled, you might want to add my book Though The Vision Tarry: Waiting For My Promised Mate to your pre-marital arsenal.) One of the biggest mistakes I made in receiving the promise God gave me was in trying to figure out how things would come together. Nothing happened the way I thought it would. There is a reason why God cautions us not to "lean on our own understanding..." We're usually wrong!
 
God's promises are time released: He has a set time for His plan and purpose to unfold. You are correct in using this time as a time of preparation. Marriage is ministry and God never calls us to ministry without a time of preparation. This is one of the reasons why God allows us to wait. Not only does He want to prepare you, He wants to protect you from doing things your own way--God will determine what is good for you (Psalm 84:11). He wants to perfect you (James 1:4)--all of us have areas in our lives where we need to grow and mature. Waiting is the process God uses to allow growth to happen. He wants to pace you (Jeremiah 29:11)--God knows where He's taking you; He knows what it will take to get you there; and He knows what it will take to keep you when you get there. Match God's pace.
 
God is not one-sided. Check out Vikki Johnson's reply to the post successful relationship in the Undercurrents [Women's Issues] section. A godly, mature man will not leave you guessing about his interest in you. When the man God has for you is sure about his intent towards you, he will let you know it.  
 
Don't allow the enemy to distract your mind with what the man you care for or the woman who is now interested in him are doing. You are doing well in staying honest with how you feel, but be careful that you don't allow jealousy or resentment to get hold of you. Everything that you feel about the situation, continue to take it to God in prayer. Take your eyes off the person and keep it on the One who gave you the promise. Receive the promise until God allows you to receive the person. Remember, it is not the man you are waiting on... it's God.

[grace]

When God revealed to me that I would be married, there were many times when I wondered/doubted that I had indeed heard from God. God did not tell me who my husband was going to be, but he did allow me to see the man who would be my husband (at my request, I might add), but at the time, I did not even realize it.  

Amen and thank you again Alethea rereading this I gained even more praise him, sometimes when your mind is too focused on the situation you absolutely cannot hear what the lord is saying which is one reason why I'm seeking councel on the boards and in just reading your response I'm like ok wait that totaly flew over my head the first time let me marinate on that a little longer

I do have one question, I have my order form printed out for the book so I'll read your book before bogging you down with a lot of questions but the above quote stood out to me. Are you saying that the lord showed you you would marry then you later asked who and he revealed?

In my situation the lord showed me I'd marry, when I'd write myself off as perhaps being one who would never marry the lord showed me otherwise praise him and when I met the guy I knew it was him. No love at first site or anything like that but it was like the words came to me clear as day that is the man I'm going to marry and I said to myself oh chile back up ok maybe that's someone who will be of significance in your life in some way, but marry!! Then I'd have all these events happen afterwards that were confirmation but I think because it is marriage and hearing of so many people naming and claiming mates That I fear my doing that so flesh which tends to over analize and is just plain nosy wants to know God's every move in my life to where I don't hear him or I still hear him but get things twisted by getting in my own way. Then people I'd seek counsel from only made it worse because they'd give "advice" over truly praying with me and now I realize my error in those I confided in.

But now as I look at the situation, trying to view all things from all angles not just my own, this female is showing me alot about myself, some of the other areas I may not have put a lot of effort into, and I read a lot of Michelle Mckinney Hammond books and this situation just led me to be blessed by yet another one and I'm deeply excited about reading your book because your on the other side of it all.

And I'll cut myself of here or I'll go on foreva

[Forum Administrator]

Anyway any feed back? For married folks that know that they know they are married to the one, what was the process you went throught before saying I do?

When you're faced with the unknown, hold onto the known: the things that God has made known to you. You have His word and His promises. If you ask Him for guidance, He will give you direction (Proverbs 3:5,6). Don't get caught up in "the one;" get caught up in "The One" (God). When you focus on "the one," you're focusing on something limited. When you focus on "The One" you are focusing on Someone who is limitless. Broaden your perspective.

A better of way of approaching marriage is to keep your eyes open for someone who is best suited for you. That requires you to know who you are and what your purpose is, so that you will be able to better recognize who is best suited for you (and for whom you are best suited). This is a big part of the process. When God presented the animals to Adam, he did not recognize anything of himself in them. But, when God presented Eve to Adam, he saw something of himself in her and recognized that she was a suitable helper for him. You also will see something of who you are in the person who is best suited for you. You should be able to see something in the other person that identifies with who you are and what the purpose is that God has for you.

Someone said God's will is like an automatic door (like the kind you see at a supermarket). When you walk towards the door, if everything is in order, the door will open. If the door does not open, you either walked towards the door at the wrong time, or you walked towards the wrong door. If, on the other hand, the door opens, go through it and carefully examine what is on the other side. God wants you to know what His will is, and if you trust in the promise given in Proverbs 3:5,6, everything will be fine. The key is in not trusting in "the one," but in trusting in "The One" (God).

[ReeC]

One thing that I have learned and that is that the promises of God are sure.  If God did in fact show you your mate..... then you can't allow people, situations or any circumstance to dictate to you the results of the promise.  One thing that is for sure and that is God is faithful.  He is going to do exactly what He said.  If this is the one, then you can't be distracted by the other female, nor can you allow what she has made known to make you insecure in who you are to become and that is his wife.  First and foremost, marriage is a life call and this is your life that is at stake.  So, he is shy and he isn't really a pursuant... when he is ready to make that move, and you are it.... he will make it known.  Trust God, and know that He does all things well and that what is yours is yours.  If things don't roll as you feel or felt that God said.... then guess what?  You missed it and that is okay too....we all do sometiimes.  But if you are certain without a shadow of a doubt that this is your mate...... just wait for the manifestation of God's promise and in the meantime become a prepared woman for the prepared man.  Be encouraged.....

[grace]

Talking about this openly is helping bring a lot of things back to rememberance and i know believe I know where my problem lies.

But I did state in the above response that  I examined my place in his life and I do know my purpose, and again I'm being very vague in my explainations for good reason  which I hope isn't keeping me from being clear, but as I said it makes perfect sense for this to be the person I marry not just from the natural eye, but from a spiritual eye.

My botton line of it is this, I want the one that God has for me and in order to do that I have to flow with his leading so if I go by my perceptions or wants I simply get the mate of my choosing which would not be a sin when marrying a fellow christian, but if I want a God ordained marriage then I need to flow 100% with his processing. That's why when I was able to recognize a mutual attraction I didn't want to feed into that because I could marry any christian that has an attraction for me and happen to have similar life tastes but I'd most likely marry the wrong person, it takes God who knows our lives stories from beginning to end who can lead me to the exact person I am to minister with in marriage because he knows what it takes for me to be covered by him, and for him to have a life partner throught good bad and down right ugly.... in me.

For instance you mentioned adam and eve, for the sake of readers I'll type the complete scripture:

Genesis 2:18-25
 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet  for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.  And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;  And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made  he a woman, and brought her unto the man.  And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman,  because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

So in this by God first presenting Adam with the animals, it allowed him to be able to see the fact that they were not compatiable to him and his need for Eve. But the lord made a specific woman who was suitable for Adam and when the lord presented the woman who was formed specifically for Adam, he recognized her as literally being that which was missing in his life. But it was as the lord presented her to him based on his knowing what he needed not as the woman presenting herself as an option or even his searching for her. Yet confusion for me came in looking at Ruth, and now I understand what the word is showing in that, but again I say the lord never showed me that I am to present myself to this man so that just wouldn't go down.

I don't want to give the impression that this is a constant in my life, it's a recurring thing where I don't think about him or focus on him but when sitautions present themselves I'm like ugh not only do I want to see it I don't want to be in a position to question what I believe or to feel anything about it so that's when the confusion comes in for me, I don't seek it out it comes my way and it'll be ongoing for a while after I've prayed after I've gone before the father before I even think to speak on it  to someone else. So by the time I PM'd you, there was an ongoing situation for about a month or so where it becomes a thing where I have to see if the lord is looking for me to do more than just pray. Which those other details I may pm again not scary just need to keep some things private.

A fellow Sista suggested to me to meditate on his promises so that's what I will do in and in the vein of not focusing on the specifics but that which the lord planted in me from his word

[grace]

Thanks Reec, that's like exactly everything I was reminded of coupled with everything I was thinking. I know my issue at times is pride also because I've never been a I gotta have a man type or in my flesh I can be ms super independant so I have to face myself at times and be careful not to close off or go on the defense. Because as I stated above, one thing I learned from this female is the fact that for one I don't think she sees any error in what she's doing and it is detail left out cause I don't want to display her business but in conversation she laid out on the table that which I was seeing in her and I wasn't sure if it was because I didn't want her to approach him.

And I have to remind myself if she is indeed his child also he ain't gonna let her stumble anymore than he'll let me so sometimes the flesh don't want to focus in that way, well the flesh never wants to so I have to as aleathea stated keep my eyes on God ain't always easy thought.

But it's a blessing because these situations in any area of my walk only bring me closer to God so thought I hate the process sometimes without fail I grow in him so to God be the glory.

[Forum Administrator]

Are you saying that the lord showed you you would marry then you later asked who and he revealed?

In my situation the lord showed me I'd marry, when I'd write myself off as perhaps being one who would never marry the lord showed me otherwise praise him and when I met the guy I knew it was him. No love at first site or anything like that but it was like the words came to me clear as day that is the man I'm going to marry and I said to myself oh chile back up ok maybe that's someone who will be of significance in your life in some way, but marry!! Then I'd have all these events happen afterwards that were confirmation but I think because it is marriage and hearing of so many people naming and claiming mates That I fear my doing that so flesh which tends to over analize and is just plain nosy wants to know God's every move in my life to where I don't hear him or I still hear him but get things twisted by getting in my own way. Then people I'd seek counsel from only made it worse because they'd give "advice" over truly praying with me and now I realize my error in those I confided in.
 

faith215, your honesty is refreshing. There are many people who have gone through, and are going through, the same process that you are experiencing. I am one of them (as you will see when you read my book).
In answer to your above question, yes, after I accepted that the Lord's purpose was that I marry, I asked Him if I could get a glimpse of the person that He intended for me to marry. I did not want (and was not ready) for a full relationship at that time, but I asked for a glimpse. God answered that request and allowed me to get a literal glimpse of the person who is now my husband. The funny thing is, I did not even realize then that the Lord had answered my prayers. Sometimes when God answer our prayers, we don't even realize it until all the pieces of the puzzle are in place and we look back at what God has done.

I too had reached a point where I did not think I would marry, but God had a plan and a promise and in His own time and way, He fulfilled it. Trust God. Trust Him. As ReeC has pointed out, He is faithful to His promise. Don't try to figure out how or when--it will only frustrate you. I know that this is easier said than done, but when you find yourself trying to figure things out, remember Philippians 4:6-8. Trust that God is working everything out that needs to be worked out. Later on, when His promises to you have been fulfilled, you will be able to look back and see exactly where His hand has been in this process you're going through now.

You are doing well, and your heart's desire is in the right place. We all need encouragement as we go along. When others give you advice that leans toward claiming the man, let them know that you are not claiming the man; you are claiming the promise because God is faithful. (Check out Hebrews 6:13-15).  

[grace]

Amen I got a feeling reading this book is gon be a shoutin moment

Well I have learned in that (when it comes to talking to people) and other situations that everyone isn't made to give you advice or insight because the insight of others is limited even when they are sold out anointed and love the lord, don't mean they know your circumstance or can speak over them, and I had to learn that one the hard way so as long as this board exists I shall take advantage of it when other situations come up.

But what I did was I'd ask other believers in similar situations thinking I was going to the right folk, yet they didn't know thier own outcomes which only allowed them to add confusion to my situation.... the blind leading the blind basically. So amen can't say enough how much this is appreciated I'm meditating on all that is being said and I'm using the word your giving me as my reference

[IEve]

This exchange was a blessing to read especially since I ran across the website quite by "accident".  My story is similar, but with a twist.  Last year while planning to marry another man, God told me who my husband was to be.  During praise and worship one Sunday,  the Holy Spirit took me into high praise.  I started jumping up and down.  Well, I was being jumped up and down, I was trying to stop it.  When I stopped, I looked at someone and heard-- not thought --heard  "That is who you are going to marry."  My vision was altered so that he was the only person in my line of view like a movie freeze frame or cropped picture.

The next day, driving in my car, I asked God why him.  As soon as the question left my mouth a commerical came on.   Prophetess Bynum-Week was talking about why God brings to people together for his purpose -- how a woman can help a man birth his ministry.  

I prayed all week asking for clarity.  The next Sunday at church my pastor say during his message, "You've been praying all week for clarity, God wants you to know He isn't playing mind games with you.  What He said is what will happen."

My mother and sister came to be independently to tell me that they thought this man was my husband.  Five weeks later he married someone else.  Of course I immediately thought then that wasn't God.  

Since then, I have had numerous confirmations that it was God and I will marry him.  I was led to purchase the book "Teach Me How to Love You" in the back is a CD with the message "Proverbs 31 Woman"  an excerpt from that message was used to create the Bynum Weeks commerical I heard the Monday after God first told me.

I was talking to a friend of my who kept asking me who my husband was.  I had told him that God told me, but hadn't told him who.  He laughed as said, I just got a vision of you and "this man" walking down the aisle.  He didn't realize that he had called it right.  I just said well that would certainly take the hand of God.

When I pray for release I get more confirmation.  When I get frustrated I hear messages about waiting on God.  Even one Sunday, our pastor was talking about waiting on the promises of God.  How you have to continue to want what God promised even if it takes 5 years, 10 years, 15 years. Now, I'm 34 years old -- no children.  I'm adding this up. I start crying and praying because in 5 years I'll be 39, in 10, 44, in 15, 49.  I want to have children.  My pastor then says "If you can just get past your fear that your biological clock will run out, you could get excited about what God has promised."

I know God is a God of covenant.  I can't understand why He would allow them to marry, if I am truly suppose to be his wife. I know God's promises are certain.  I just don't understand this.  

[mszeta]

Ieve and Faith25,

I completely understand what bot of you are saying. My situation is almost a mirror image of Faith25. I had walking in the Lord's word, when I met a man at the carwash. It was so incredibly strange because both he and I were new to this particular area. We struck up a conversation and discovered that we had soooo much in common. We started dating and immediately it was so easy to be with one another. I too had several dreams where I sincerely believe God told me I was going to marry this man. The ironic thing is that his ex-girlfriend had been trying to get back together with him. My sister passed away so I had to return home for awhile. he was extremely supportive during that time. When I returned I learned that his ex-girlfriend had shared her feelings with him and he was considering getting back with her. He stated that he was not ready to let me go but realized that he could not have his cake and eat it to. He also stated that he is struggling with somethings in life right now in addition to everything else. I told him that clearly he has some things to work out and that if really believes in his heard that this woman has changed, then he needs to follow his heart. So I backed away from this man. Despite how much I have been praying, reading and trying to trust God to allow his will to be done in my life, I cannot get out of my mind that I believe this is the man for me. Am I just fooling myself. I would appreciate any feedback!!!

[David Dupree]

1st let me encourage the both of you to go back and reread ReeC's response and also the Forum Administrator's.
Just to reiterate..the key thing in ReeC's response is that God is faithful.  The key thing in Forum Admin's response is that when faced with the unknown, hold on to the known.  

What do you know?  God can not lie.  If God said it then He shall perform it.  These things we know.  

That being said, let me put a big "but" in there.  But when the promise depends on the compliance and obedience of individuals, there is opportunity for it not to come to pass.  And the failure is not in God.  

The Israelites were told by God that they had the victory against Ai.  However they were beaten back because of the sin of Achan.  

Consider this: the Israelites cried out for a king.  God heard their cry and God's choice was Saul.  Saul was a great king until his own disobedience got the best of him.  When that happened, God then rejected Saul as king and sent Samuel to anoint another.  Did God lie? No.  Saul was God's choice in answer to His people's cry!  Did you or do you have a cry for a mate?  Genesis says that a woman's desire would be for her husband.  It didn't say her desire would be for a man or to get a husband. That implies to me a married woman's desire.  The next question that comes to my mind would be, "Then what should an unmarried woman desire?"  Paul says that it should be for the things of God.

So what about your situations?  Well for one, if the person "God" shows you is already married, then you must know that is not God.  Remember to hold on to that which is known.  We know that God is a God of order.  

If the person "God" shows you marries someone else, then you have to know that if that person does not hear from God or hears from God and chooses not to go that route, then there is nothing you can do about that.  God presents the best, but it takes obedience of another party...not just yours.  

Remember Saul was rejected and then David was Anointed.  
You must take hope in this:  God has another alternative!!!  Hallelujah!!!!  

If God says possess the land and you place your hands on a house and claim it, then someone else buys it, God has another alternative!  

If you get a Word of knowledge that the job is yours and someone else gets the position, know that God has another alternative!!!  

I am so thankful that God has another alternative.  When Adam messed up, God had another alternative and sent His Son!  Oooo I'm getting a little happy here.  Let me slow down and finish this.  

Take courage my sisters...God has not forgotten you.  God has alternatives!

[IEve]

Mr. Dupree,

Let me clarify that my cry was not for a husband, certainly not this husband. I wasn't dating this man.  I didn't pray on this man.  I was planning to marry someone else.

Now, my question is this.  God knows everything.  He knows our future as if it were our past.  He had to know that this man would marry someone else.  He married her within 5 weeks of God telling me.  If he knew this marriage would not come to pass, because the man would reject God's will, why would he tell me that "this is who you are going to marry."  

He had to know that wasn't going to happen.  I turned that verb around in my head a thousand times.  If he had said, that's your husband. Or I want you to marry him.  I'd feel comfortable saying it is going to happen. But he said it is going to happen.

Even comparing it to Ai. God's word did come to pass. The victory was delayed because of the sin of the people.  But in the end Israel defeated Ai.  God's Word did not return to him void.  

Listen, my issue isn't one of wanting this particular man.  If I didn't think it was God, I would marry my ex.  
My issue is more how long do I wait on God, before I say the "promise" isn't coming to pass.  

[purity]

AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!

GOD HAS ANOTHER ALTERNATIVE!!!

[purity]

Okay my computer is acting really crazy...the last posting went through b4 I finished the entire thing....but anyway as I was typing.....

I dont have much to add to this posting. I think all that has been shared is right on point. However I was happy like urself David when I read "God has another alternative". hhhhhhhhmmmmmm! If I knew how to type tongues I would....... All I have to say is that is so true and on time for any situation!

I was just swimming through deep waters reading the postings as usual but that one statement you made has totally blessed me. hhhhhmmm GOD HAS ANOTHER ALTERNATIVE!