Twenty-eight years

[hisworddelivers]

After twenty-eight years of being married to a Pastor/Minister, he has finally after his third attempt divorced me and is now living with another woman(female) who is the assistant pastor of her father's church.

Within the first year of our marriage he continued relationships with women he knew before our marriage.  When I spoke with him about this he said that he only had to answer to God.  I had just gotten saved and was completely confused.  I took what I thought was the high road and chose to walk in forgiveness.  Years later while pastoring a medium size church he comitted adultry with several women in the church, I once again chose to walk in forgiveness but he never changed. 

After a six year separation and him fathering two daughters by two different women, I once again believe for a mircale in our marriage.  We renewed our wedding vows on July 24th and in April of 2005 he told me that he was leaving.  This time he returned with divorce papers for me to sign and I did.  Would someone please tell me what is wrong with me that I did this for 28 yrs. 

The details of this story are unbelievable.  I find it difficult to believe that I am even a major part in it all.  I am a walking zomie right now.  I go in and out of focus and struggle every day not to completely give up.  Pray for me.

[Candie Price]

It breaks my heart to hear that you have endured such an experience at the hands of someone who has positioned himself as a mouthpiece for the Gospel.   However, you should not blame yourself for the poor choices he's made or his lack of commitment and integrity.  It sounds like you were committed to the vows you made before God and others that you would stay committed no matter what - don't beat yourself over the head for that.   Don't even be surprised that you have gone through this experience - there are always two objectives going on when you are faced with crisis in your walk - one is that Satan desires that the crisis moves you toward giving up but the most important objective is that God wants to prove Himself through your crisis and move you closer to Him.  The Bible is sure when it says that God is not mocked, whatsoever we sow, we shall also reap - and there will come a day of reckoning for your ex-husband's actions.  You, at this point in your life, must look forward to what God will do to make this experience, no matter how awful it was, work for your good and His glory.   Until the point that God, if He chooses, reveals to you why you went through all of this - you must begin to examine what you've learned about yourself in this process and take those lessons to become an even better Christian, woman, sister, friend, etc.   There are, undoubtedly, lessons that you've learned that will benefit many other women - both those who have gone through similar things, and those who, through your testimony, will be spared the experience.   I am sure that there are mounds of more information that you withheld because of space and time, but know that God has your back in every situation you endure and He is not slack concerning his promises toward you.   It is not his intention to leave you nor forsake you or have you walk in a fog or be a "zombie".  He has given you His Holy Spirit as a comforter and a restorer of joy and hope.  You need to hold fast to all of the promises of God and remind yourself of His undying love for you.   Although you have been forsaken by the one you committed yourself to in marriage - your Heavenly father loves you with an everlasting and irreplaceable love.  Your pain and hurt is fresh and you will likely have some very tough days ahead - but remind yourself of the promises of God - you are a part of a chosen generation, a peculiar people  - a child of the most High God who sits high and looks low who has given you the power to overcome every obstacle and trial to remind you and others of His goodness, His able-ness and His love.   Look to Him for your healing and be persistent so that He can use your experience as a testimony.  I am reminded of the Shunammite woman who was persistent in seeking healing from the prophet for her son - her persistence and her faith brought her son back from the dead when others thought she was crazy! Your life at this moment might seem dead and you may feel that you are just going through the motions - but God has already mapped out your deliverance and your restoration! I am not just praying for you - I'm praying WITH you that God will give you peace in the midst of this very trying time.   Look up to the author and finisher of your faith and walk upright in your season of healing!

[hisworddelivers]

Thanks Candice for your reponse and please continue to pray for me. 

My ex managed the household budget, my checks were direct deposited into his account and with the combined income we had more than enough to handle everything.  In February I got a letter notifying me that I was 7 months in arrears with the mortgage.  I had no clue.  The home has been foreclosed on and I am about to moved in with my son who has a small apt and a new bride.

My ex has moved to another state and is about to start assisting his girlfriend's(who is the assistant pastor of her father's church) father with his church and start having tent revivals.

Some are telling me about my ex hubsand's deliverance and how David a man after God's heart did terrible things but he was still mightly used of God.  Although I have never stop praying for my ex hubsand, to tell the truth I am sick of hearing that because everytime I hear that I am reminded of the scripture in Romans that says should we continue in sin that grace may abound? The answer is God forbid.   What are your thoughts on this.

[Candie Price]

You, at this point, can't even get caught up in whether or not he has been delivered from his past actions.  Your primary responsibility is your own relationship with Christ and your healing.  When others bring "updates" about his actions simply respond in a nice way that you are praying for him and wish him well, but that your primary goal is to get past the hurt and become the woman of God that you are ordained to be.  Sometimes people don't always know when their words are being hurtful and since your pain is so fresh, you are no doubt hurt by the opinions of others regarding your ex.  Someone very dear to me is going through a horrible experience like yours but she has chosen to not concentrate on him (although he is seemingly doing great things for the Lord in the same town she resides in) but rather to embrace her own gifts, talents and ministry.  Whether or not he is, in fact, delivered or still "playing games" - God only knows.  Your healing will take one day at a time - but it will come if you yield all of those feelings, emotions, anger - to the only One who knows everything and let His love comfort you.  You will find that through time those "updates" won't even bother you - but until then kindly tell your friends you'd rather not hear it all.

[hisworddelivers]

Praise God!! Praise God!!!

I am really good and in a very good place spiritually and want everyone to know that the Holy Spirit is truly THE COMFORTER.

After twenty-eight years of marriage I thought that precious time had been wasted.
But in Christ there is no time.

peace

[sisterofpraise]

Even though I can't hear you or see you......I know you are laughing and praising God!  What a difference a year makes....... It's good to know that you are coming through your storm with the Comforter by your side.  He will never leave you or forsake you.  I rejoice with you! 
The Joy of the Lord is our strength!!  Blessings!! 

[Forum Administrator]

Amen!