A Woman of Misfortune

[Novelist]

Here I am again, taking a deep breath within the four walls of my life.  I feel as if I have not gone anywhere.  I am stagnated.  I want to succeed, yet I am seeing the days pass me by.  Most recently, I have been reading the word, writing poetry, and listening to music to encourage myself, and it seem as if I would be fine, then I return to my haven of heaviness.  Last year I had the opportunity of graduating from College, earning my Bachelors degree, but now I am jobless.  Yes, I have been searching and searching.  A couple weeks ago, I went for a job interview and it did not come through for me, so now I am in the same rut.  I am tired of myself.  I do not see anything materializing for me.  I feel as if I wasted my time going to College and now I am jobless, which I already have to repay my loans.  My life is immobile.  Where am I going?  It seem as if my hopes and dreams were on its journey to pay off for me, and now I pity myself.  I am a woman with issues not only in my career goals, but in my relationships.  Sometimes, I feel lonely as if I have nothing to offer anyone.  I have friends, but not many.  I am 25 years of age and there is so much I have not accomplished to where I do not feel like I am a good role model to others.

I have been taught responsibility, accountability, and most of all to live saved and holy.  Although I was not all of these things all of the time, I know that I need to improve in some areas in my life and make a commitment.  I am saved and proclaim salvation and doing all that I can to live the life.  Oftentimes, it seem so difficult when I am making an effort to live for God and see other people succeed, which they are not giving God any of their time and their lives seem carefree.  At this period in my life, I want to feel accomplished and I am not where I want to be in my career.  I am grateful to be alive, in good health, have food, shelter, and clothing.  Right now, I live with my Grandmother and sometimes I want to get out of the house, meaning, I want to move on my own.  Right now, I do not see any possibilities for me to live independently and I am scared.  I want to do for myself.  This is a misfortune to me because I want to enjoy my life, though the circumstances keep surrounding me, I feel trapped, stagnated.  I am not sure if it is completely me, well I know it is partially me.  However, I cannot enforce anyone to hire me and I do not understand why I am not hired.

I am an artistic, creative individual with vivid imagination, yet I have an authoritative demeanor where I can be in leadership.  I want employers to see that I am serious about learning new tools, exploring, and illustrating the skills I currently possess.  I am not sure what they see when they meet me.  I feel terrible about this.  I love to write, it is a gift from God and I recognize this.  I have a passion to help others, and work on various projects.  Most of the week I was at home and I was online working on my resume, cover letter, and sending my information to various places.  I even called places as well to find out their availability for opening positions. 

I am praying that something will come through soon.  Financially, I have so many burdens and I want to take care of myself even better.  I may not be the woman with the issue of blood, but I am a woman with issues of finance, relationships, and career goals, etc.  If I had my way, I would take care of all my responsibilities.  Right now, I am frustrated with myself because I do not feel so fortunate at this time.  Pray for me.
I pray for strength, patience, wisdom, and to learn how to praise despite of my situations, but it is SO HARD TO DO.


Novelist.

[heavenbound]

 

I'm telling it like it is:  There are to many of us Christian walking around broke and defeated and God did not set us free for that.  He did say we would have trials and tribulations, but we put to much emphasis on having things, people, places and things.  We GOD should be the all sufficient ONE in our lives.

Goal: In Jesus name, I want to help transform broken hearted, frustrated women into Strong Christian Divas who realize their self worth.

Dating: A Diva is defined as a woman who knows what she wants and gets it every time. She is the personification of Beauty, Poise and Grace. Are you ready for a lasting Christian relationship? 
Have you forgiven yourself for all of your past regrets?
Have you taken time to find your purpose in life?
Do you know why you want to be in a relationship?
Are you looking and feeling your best?
Do you want a man and not need a man in your life?
Does everything about you scream I am beautiful inside and out?
Are you actively pursuing your dreams and ambitions?
Do you know what it is exactly that you are looking for in a man and why?
If you can answer yes to all of these questions then you are ready to start dating and maybe you have some questions about what to do once you are already in a relationship. Click here
Being a Christian Diva like being in a relationship is something that takes some work and does not happen over night. Is your mind, body and soul ready to be in a relationship? Single women are struggling today. And it's not for the lack of good men, they are out there and they are looking for you, but are you ready? Meeting people and dating can be a scary event. It can be like reciting your class book report when you haven't read the book. Your soul mate is out there because God has created him for you, but you may be missing out on your blessing because you are carrying more baggage than a Pop- star on their way to the MTV awards.
If you are asking yourself why am I still single? It could be for two reasons. A. You are not ready for a relationship, or B. Your man is not ready for you.

Make a plan to get all of your needs met yourself, because you want a man to add to your life, not be your life. Find your identity and produce your own fruits. If that means starting the job you always wanted or cleaning up your credit do it!!! What ever it takes for you to be satisfied without a man do it for yourself first.
I identify with your passion for the truth about walking with God while dealing with the trials and tribulations of everyday life. We are all trying to cope with life using God and His Word as our foundation, but the truth of the matter is we get weak from time to time.

Weak in faith ... Weak in our prayer lives ... Weak in our study of the Word ...Weak in our obedience ... Weak in surrendering our cares to the Lord ...  You name it, we're subject to be attacked by it, Amen?

I can only hope and pray that by sharing my own life's lessons and personal experiences, you may somehow be strengthened, empowered and encouraged to keep fighting the good fight of faith when/if you find yourself in the same or similar situations.
This is such a crucial concept for us to grasp, because too often we get weary and state what we "can't" do.  We can even succumb to feelings of hopelessness!  But when we think of Jesus living inside of us, we should stand a little straighter, feel a bit stronger and realize that for us, there is no such thing as hopelessness!
The truth of the matter is, we "intend" to 'pencil Him in' on our lengthy list of things to do, but far too often we find that He is the one task on our "to do" list that is left undone.  It's so important that God be the FIRST thing we do on our "to do" list every day, for living our lives without an INTIMATE [very close, warm, personal, familiar] relationship with God is like living our lives without purpose ... it's virtually like not living at all!

Not long ago, I wrestled through a night of sleeplessness as my mind pondered the answers to countless questions about my life's purpose.

Am I supposed to be doing something more than what I am doing now?  Or is this it?  If this IS it, then am I fulfilling every role in my life to the best of my ability?  Is God being glorified through my efforts?

I've always believed that there's a sense of peace and contentment we feel when we know that we're actually walking in our life's purpose.  I thought that there was supposed to be absolutely no doubt in our minds that we were doing precisely what God created us to do.

Well, on this particular sleepless night, I wasn't feeling any peace or one iota of contentment about what I was supposed to be doing in life.  This troubled me deeply because I don't want to be unfruitful;  I don't want to leave this world without having fulfilled God's unique plan for me.

What was I created for?
I think we all have these thoughts on occasion as we seek to experience a deeper, more meaningful life.  When we leave this world we want it said that God used us to be a blessing in the lives of others, or to draw the lost to Him for their salvation.  Not for any self-gratifying glory of course, but for the glory of God.  I know that I'm not alone in what I was feeling on that particular night, because I'm noticing an influx of prayer requests from women who want deliverance from self-destructive behaviors.  Where the prayer petitions of the sisters were once geared toward healings, financial blessings, marital issues and salvation for relatives, they have now become desperate cries for deliverance from self-mutilation [cutting their own flesh], drug abuse, eating disorders and more.  Without a sense of purpose one can develop feelings of being useless and insignificant, as though there is no reason to live.  This unfortunate perception of one's life can open the door to a path of self-destruction.
My own recent feelings of lack of purpose lead me down a path of "spiritual" self-destruction.  I consumed myself with trying to "discover" my purpose, but my downfall was that I attempted to do it on my own and a spirit of depression began to weigh heavily upon me.  I imagine that it's those feelings of depression that often contribute to sisters cutting themselves, medicating themselves with drugs and killing themselves with eating disorders.
SEEK ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness;  and all these things shall be added unto you.  (Matthew 6:33)

See how tricky the enemy is?  If we let him, he can mess up our thinking and our focus so that we don't act on what we know about God and His word.  I was beginning to feel depressed because I did not seek God FIRST for the answers to my questions.  How crazy is that right?

How could I successfully discover why I was created for without first posing my questions to The Creator!  He is the only One who knows the answers, for only He knows why He made me!
So finally, after frustrating myself into a bout of depression ... I sought God. I always was a bit of a late bloomer, but better late than never, right?

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.  Romans 12:1)

"How do I discover my purpose?"
When I asked the Lord that question, it wasn't that I didn't realize that indeed, I DO have a purpose, but I wanted to know what it was and how to carry it out.  I was lead to Romans 12:1, with an emphasis on "presenting my body a living sacrifice".  For me, this meant fasting.  No eating, no computer, and no absorption of anything but God's Word.  What are you willing to give up to receive what you seek from God?  What are you willing to sacrifice?
Too often I think we deceive ourselves into thinking that our salvation entitles us to receive more than we give.  It's as if we're content that we've done the most crucial thing which is  o, "believe", but the rest is all up to God.  "You can handle everything Lord, You are a God of all power, so please don't ask me to do anything more than go to church, bible study and choir practice okay?  You don't need me!"
But He does!  If you look in the Word, He used "people" to accomplish His tasks.  Even Jesus had to rely on a human to enter the world!  If God didn't need us to spread the gospel, intercede in prayer, let Him use us for healings and Divine miracle works, then what was the purpose for the Disciples?
We must be willing to present our bodies completely to Him for His use.  No holding back and trying to maintain control over certain aspects of our lives, or trying to hold on to certain carnal desires, behaviors and attitudes that "we" don't think are that bad.  A complete yielding and surrender to Him is what God desires from us.
So ...  I did it.  I completely surrendered myself to Him.
As I relinquished my time, my thoughts, my wants and "my" desires to the Lord, and commited myself to prayer, fasting, meditation and fellowship with Him, I realized that the feelings of depression had dissipated.  Could it be that I'd found my most important purpose -- Fellowship with the Lord?  Duh! (as I slapped myself upside the head) .
How sad it is when we fail to walk in the fullness of our primary purpose of fellowship and intimacy with God until the mayhem of living life on our own terms becomes more than we can bear.   I think we all lose our focus on fellowship and intimacy at some point, but how does it happen?  Why do we allow the duties, responsibilities and pressures of day-to-day life to distract us from God?
While I know that more of my life's purpose is yet to be revealed, the anxiety, frustration and depression that I initially experienced is gone.  I am so thankful to have been reminded of my primary purpose -- abiding in the presence of the Lord.
If you're reading this right now and can relate to my testimony, I pray that this will serve to remind you to make time to dwell in God's word and His presence.  It may require sacrificing something that you feel is of pressing importance, but I believe it's the foundation to becoming a Woman of Purpose.
When we want to receive something from God, whether it's answers to pressing questions, solutions to problems or deliverance from binding situations, we must give Him what I now deem, "The SAD Treatment":

Seek Him, and He'll add unto you.
Abide in Him, and what you ask shall be done.
Delight yourself in Him and He'll give you your desires.

SEEK ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.  (Matthew 6:33) - These "things" that the scripture speaks of are not just material or tangible provisions only, but they cover every provision that we need such as: the gift of the Holy Spirit, the wisdom and knowledge of Our Father, love, peace, joy, contentment, patience, guidance -- Everything we need!

We expend far too much time and energy looking to men, friends, relatives, etc ... to provide things that no one but God posesses.
If ye ABIDE in Me, and My words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.  (John 15:7) - To "abide" means to remain stable or fixed; to stay; to endure without yielding.  Now of course we know that we still have to attend to our daily responsibilities, but we can abide in His word by meditating [focusing, pondering, reflecting] on it throughout our day.  And then we must set aside some one-on-one with God, even if it means rising a little earlier to do it.  It all boils down to what we are willing to sacrifice in order to strengthen our relationship with God and discover our purpose. 
       
DELIGHT thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  (Psalm 37:4) - To "delight" in something means to be extremely satisfied with it.  To be joyful, enthusiastic and excited about it.

Let's ask ourselves: Are we extremely satisfied with the Lord?  Are we enthusiastic and excited about Him?  Not just about what He does for us, but about "who" He is -- our Saviour, our Father, our Teacher, our Healer, our Protector, our Strength, our Companion, our Hope, our Comfort, our Peace, our Joy ... frankly, the english language doesn't have enough words to describe all that He is to us!  Amen?  He's our everything!

Seek Him, and He'll add unto you.
Abide in Him, and what you ask shall be done.
Delight yourself in Him and He'll give you your desires.

As we begin to implement our SAD skills, I believe we'll be well on our way to walking in the fulness of our purpose.



Lengthy But worth it to bring you out of your FUNK into Your Destiny.

[Breathedonme]

Sistah,

I am feelin' your pain.  However, I am also understanding more and more that our real battle is in our minds.

Your financial situation - that's a real problem, and I am not minimizing that.

I am just wondering how can you begin to use the promises of God to counter any "stinkin' thinkin!?"

Who you are and where you are today doesn't speak about your future.  You have put the tools in place (education, living for God) and God has much to use to move you into your destiny.

How do we encourage you to speak to yourself when it seems life is not moving toward the things that God has said about your future, Jeremiah 29:11.

How do we encourage you to rebuke the spirit of anxiety and do what God said about making your petitions known to him and to approach his throne boldly AND To speak the confession of faith know that God is truly WORKING IT ALL OUT!  For his promises are yea and amen.

My concern is that you are being bombarded about a future that God has already put in place for you.  Does this mean you do nothing?  Not at all.

Sister, you are 25 and as long as you have life you can grow and do well in Christ which extends to all areas of your life.

How old was Moses before he began working for the Lord?  Look at many others in the Bible.  God used the young and old.

Some times the "still" place is right where God wants us to be.  Can you hear him with so much clutter in your mind?  HMMMMMM

Donnie McClurkin did a song a few years ago -- when you've done everything that you can (and nothing is happening) just STAND!!! 

Your financial troubles will not always be what it is today.  Your singleness will not always be as it is today.  Your career and ministry(ies) will not be what they are today.  Why?  For faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.

Why?  Because if an earthly father can give his children good gifts, how much more will your heavenly Father give you great gifts?

Jesus knew we'd get tired in this journey -- it is difficult, but he knew this and said through his servant to not be weary in well doing because if we endure we will reap.

Beloved sister -- as a woman getting closer to the big 50 than not, I wasted so much time in my 20s and 30s worrying about what life would be like 10 years from now, 20 years.

Continue to make plans.  One door closes, God will open more.  In the meantime continue to work for the Lord -- feed the hungry, aid hurting children, etc. 

Joyce Meyers has a great book (it's been out for a while), "The Battlefield of the Mind."  You might want to check it out.

You'll be just fine -- your family in Christ is praying for you.  Also, what good thing will Big Daddy withhold from those who walk uprightly in Him?

LASTLY -- Big Daddy is not a man that He should lie!  IT'S COMING!  REJOICE AND GIVE HIM GLORY UNTIL IT IS MANIFESTED!!!

Love ya!

[Novelist]

Heavenbound and Breathonme,

Thank you for your special words of encouragement.  I needed to read these words and I found them to be meaningful and resourceful.  After reading about the "SAD" skills, that is a brilliant thought from God.  It is wonderful to read and lock those thoughts in my heart because I will need it again or may pass it on to someone.  Heavenbound, you have touched my soul.  Your words are truth about what am I willing to sacrifice to God, not only for what he can do, but just for who he is, for he is God all alone.  You are right about that.  I need to make some sacrifices for my heavenly father.  Those questions in the beginning are good ones because it challenges me to think about the details of my life and what I am ready for.  Again, thank you. 

Breathonme, you are wonderful and wise.  Each time I read your post, you are encouaraging me inside out.  You are a woman of experience and dignity.  I thank God for women like you because you have such a seasoning in your life that can make a difference in mine.  You mentioned about the purpose that God has for me and how he can open doors when others close.  You are right.  I must give him praise even when nothing is happening, just know that it will come to pass.  And yes, I will check out that book by Joyce Meyer because I like her personality! You have been enriching to me by your sage, spirituality, and surmounting words of rememberance.  Both of you are influential in my life beause we are sisters in Christ and we pray for one who is weak because God makes us strong.  Thank you ladies from my heart, for the words you have shared with me in love and truth when I need to hear it.  Until next time, be blessed and write soon.


Novelist.