Married Men & Their Female Friends

[saved]

Is it ok for married men to have female friends? Ones whom they have been intimate with in the past? What type of boundaries should be set in these type of relationships? As a wife am I wrong for not wanting my husband to still have associations with his female friends from the past? And if so why am I? If not how do I share my feelings with him w/o him thinking I'm jealous, not trusting him or overreacting?

Thanks

[Gerard Henry]

Well my sister, I don't believe there is a simple answer to this question.  I do believe you need to be honest with your husband about your genuine concerns.  If you already know that these are women from previous relationships that suggests there may be open dialogue between you and your husband... which is great. 

It is important for you to discuss appropriate boundaries such as your husband interacting with them while you are present.  I personally believe that if a sister who is still trying to relate to your husband doesn't relate to the both of you as a unit, she is disqualified from the blessing of the friendship.  Just as your husband is a covering to you, there is a dimension where you cover him as well.  You cover him through your prayers, physical intimacy, and presence in situations where you can discern a matter (this brings you back to prayer). 

Make sure you pray before discussing the matter with him and know that you have a right to be concerned.  The only caution I would share is that there are times.... more often than not, that God had an intended purpose for the friendship that never meant to be perverted by sexual intimacy.  The devil has thwarted many plans because romance got confused with purpose. 

So if you discern God's purposes in the connection, understand that you have a role to play and as a unit... you and your husband should see it established.

Peace and Blessings,

Gerard Henry
www.Gerardhenry.com

[saved]

AMEN.................. you have said a mouth full and I appreciate you taking time to respond!

Thanks.

[Forum Administrator]

Please see also Friends of the Opposite Sex.

[morefaith]

I believe it's just not worth it! It may be sad to let a friend go, but in the end, the marriage is the most important. I believe you should NOT have friends of the opposite sex period! Even if both of you know this person well. That "outside" friend should realize and step off! It's just to easy for the devil to get in! I once had married neighbors and I was close to the wife. I NEVER went in their house unless she was there, I never called unless I was most sure she was there. One day, she called me from somewhere else and asked me to get something from her husband to bring with me when I would meet up with her later. I politely rang their bell, he had their baby in his arms, I told him what she needed and he told me to come in. I said NO THANKS! I'll wait right here. He kind of laughed at me and went in to get the article. It may seem a little on the deep end, but that's what I did. As a single (now I am close to marriage praise GOD for my Blessing), I'm VERY leery of being around married couples and I really appreciate e-mail and phone connections so that I can maintain my friendship with these ladies. Some of them have kids and they can't come to visit me and though I have no children yet, I have a busy life too. We try to do a lunch on a Sat. or something. Folks, It's the end of days, "men will become lovers of the flesh" (pardon me - I Am NOT a Bible scholar). BE SAFE, HAVE NO DOUBT. I pray you and your spouse work it out as godly (the key is godly mind/ways/heart). Cut it loose. GOD bless you and yours. That's my 2 cents  Praise the Lord.