Flirting...Is it a sin?

[pressingon]

I went to a single's workshop and one person mentioned that flirting is unholy.  They reference 1 Thess 4:7 "For God hath not called us into uncleanliness, but unto holiness." Then the Pastor of that church stated that Flirting is ok during courtship and marriage of course.  At what point is being friendly turned into flirting?  Is an extra glance, a grin, or a wink inappropriate?

What do you think?

Pressingon

[bishopbiscuits]

............I don't believe flirting is a sin. It can be a fun and spontaneous way to interact.
............The question might better be:

..........Is one sending excessive amounts or misleading information in their body language or words?
.......... Or is someone just caught up in the game of trying to get someone
else's attention?
..........Is there a selfish intent/motive behind the interaction that leads to manipulation?
..........Or is there just  a careless sending of "signals" without any thought or regard for how they may be interpreted?

.............It's enjoyable to be playful in our communication.  Flirtation gives the imagination  and creativity room to operate. It's nice to relax and not be formal all of the time. 

..........The difference between being friendly and flirting is trickier, depending on who you're dealing with. There are three main things involved:

Intent- what do you want to communicate? the clearer your intent/purpose is to you, the more likely you are to guide your message towards your goal.

Act of communication- The words, expressions, and body language used to
convey your message.

Reception & interpretation- the taking in and processing of the message.   

..........To me, the difference between being friendly and flirting from the
sender's point of view is whether the attention given is meant as a gift or an invitation. The gift can be praise, encouragement, or acknowledgement that is given to show support or general recognition and/or affection for someone.
.........Flirtation -to me- is attention given with the intent to evoke/create a
response based on interest. Especially when exploring a (possible) romantic
interest. It tends to involve curiosity and seeks a reply.

............You cannot control how people interpret flirtation, but you do
control the message that you send, and can guide the interpretation of your
desires through good, clear communication.  

[Forum Administrator]

That is an excellent question, pressingon. I think it's relative to who is doing the flirting and with whom, and as bishop has pointed out, the reason/intent of the flirting. By definition, flirting (in general) means:

1)To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures;
2) to deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with: flirt with danger; 3) or to move abruptly or jerkily.

Synonyms: flirt, dally, play, toy, trifle
These verbs mean to deal lightly, casually, or flippantly with someone or something.

If a husband and wife flirt with each other (i.e. make playful romantic or sexual overtures), there's certainly no sin in that.  However, (for example) if a married person or otherwise involved/committed person flirts with someone outside of their committed relationship, then the line of appropriateness has been crossed.

Another perspective is that some people interpret otherwise harmless or friendly gestures as flirting when there is actually no flirting involved. For example, sometimes a smile can be interpreted as flirting when all it was intended to communicate was friendliness, politeness, courtesy, etc. As bishop has pointed out, we can't control how someone interprets our behavior but it is our responsibility to make sure that we are clear, appropriate and upright in our dealings with others.

I believe if we do anything to intentionally communicate a message that is false, misleading, inappropriate, or we otherwise have no business sending (because the recipient of the message and/or the message itself is inappropriate), then we have erred.

Using the above three definitions of what flirting is, I would say, definition 1 should be reserved for marriage or perhaps those who are getting ready to exchange vows and rings... tomorrow.  Why start a fire you're not ready (or able) to put out?  I think definitions 2 and 3 should be avoided by all altogether.

[Novelist]

I never thought of flirting as a sin, but it could be misleading if not careful.  On occasion I have flirted before and one of my ways are making conversation and when someone is saying something to me, I come back with a line that would be playful, not full of dirty words or nothing, just responding to what the individual said to me.  Honestly, I am not flirtatiously addictive.  I think flirting is a way of actually letting someone know that you are interested and depending on the individual, you may not go extreme, but throwing out hints like, "There is a movie coming out and I would like to go see it, what kind of movies do you like?" Sometimes, questions like this is a way to break the ice or to see how the person would respond, but it's not like saying, "I am going to the movies on friday night, so clear your calendar because you are going with me."

Flirting can be a form of saying I like you or even I love you, but again depending on the individual, you will pretty much feel your way through how you converse with them.  At times, flirting can get out of hand, like bishop had mentioned, we have to be careful in the way we send messages because we cannot interpret flirting for everyone.  To some flirting can get casual to sexual and people see it in different ways.  So, to me flirting can be spontaneous, yet it has to be a certain boundary because it could go too far.

[pressingon]

Thanks for all the good replys.

I have to watch myself.  I think I definately do somethings that can be considered flirting.  Especially since I can't tell how someone else will take my friendliness.  I'm very outgoing, friendly and talkative.  So I recognize that I may be sending out signals that may cause someone to thing I'm interested in them and I'm flirting when I'm not. 

I also know that when I do meet someone or talk to someone that I may have interest in getting to know better.  That I do give them an extra smile or grin that shows my interest.  I guess in the future I'll be mindful of what messages I'm trying to send.

[David Dupree]

Hi PressingOn and others. 

Just wanted to add my 2 cents although it is probably only worth a cent and a half. :-)

Consider this: eating is a common activity.  But there is a point that can place the act of eating into the sin of gluttony. 

The point of that example is to suggest that likewise, flirting in its purest can be an innocuous activity. But like anything done to excess or abused, it can indeed be (and very often is) sinful.

I would suggest these few scriptures to contemplate as the BishopB, Forum Admin., and Novelist have further covered things so well:
1) Guard your heart with all diligence; for out of it flows the issues of life. Prov. 4:23

2) For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. Matthew 12:34b

3) They speak vanity every one with his neighbour: with flattering lips and with a double heart do they speak.
Psalms 12:2

As was well stated, you can't control how a person perceives your statements or actions.  But you can control your actions.  And you can control how you perceive things.  If you see and/or experience flirting, and it is not obviously dirty, you must turn your discerment on to see if it is with a dirty heart.  Be not deceived.  God is not mocked, whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap.

dd