Advice to minister

[heavenbound]

 

I have a male friend who is desperate to be in a relationship.  So desperate that he was willing to marry a woman after two weeks of dating.  He's now been in the relationship for a month.  They have had sex numberous times and she is now taking him to church.  I did stop the ring buying and ceremony, I need some manly advice on how to help my friend see the error. 

I'm not pressing God on him because she just got him going back to church.  He takes off at least three times a month from the job so they can be together.  The sister needs some insight also.  Cause I know that you can't take a bother to church to make him suit your standards to marry them.  It often backfires.  But I am not at liberty to talk to the sister and let her know she will be hurt the most.  They met in the gym and it's been a whirlwind romance ever since.

Help a sista help a brother.

[David Dupree]

Hi HeavenBound,

Sorry to take so long to respond to your post. 

It says in Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all time and a brother is made for adversity."

You have done well as a friend to continue to love your friend even though you are not approving of his choices.  If he followed your advice regarding not buying a ring and delaying a quick ceremony, then it seems that you do have a good measure of influence on him.   

I do issue a word of caution though.  If this friend is such that you have an almost brother/sister relationship, then the closer they become as a couple, the greater the chance that you can ruin your relationship with him by being adverse to their relationship.  That may be a high price to pay, but well worth the cost in the long run.

You should also be mindful that your motives have to come into question.  I am assuming that you aren't married.  Is your friend someone that you once dated or hoped that God would give you later when he gets it together?  Are you in any ways jealous of this girl? 

I am not condoning their sexual exploits, but who knows?  Maybe if he gets enough God in him, he and the girl will stop and preserve themselves for marriage. 

I hope that you ingratiate yourself to her enough to become her friend as well.  Otherwise, you will soon be the odd person out if this continues to get stronger. 

dd

[heavenbound]

Dave,

Yes I am single and no we have never dated.  And I do not have any interest in the brother whatsoever.  However, I have not met the young lady as of yet.  He keeping her under close reigns.  I haven't said anything else to him about her or their relationship.  Some learn early, some learn late and some never learn.  I hope that he is not in the latter.  But we remain as tight as ever.  He always wants to talk about whats going on in the relationship, now I just listen and I say one line sentences as to not to hurt our openess and friendship in the long run. 

She appears from conversation to be a pretty decent young lady just caught up in the moment.  Thinking with the heart not the head at present for the both of them.

Thanks for responding..