Will God ever bless me with a husband?

[ipreach2]

Hi. I'm 30-something, saved and I want to be married. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get married and I really want to be with someone. I consider myself a good woman, I'm intelligent, fun, attractive, I love the Lord... some might even say that I've got it going on! So why hasn't God blessed me with a husband?  

[Forum Administrator]

Hi. I'm 30-something, saved and I want to be married. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get married and I really want to be with someone. I consider myself a good woman, I'm intelligent, fun, attractive, I love the Lord... some might even say that I've got it going on! So why hasn't God blessed me with a husband?  

Hi and thanks for your question. I've got good news and better news, but first I have some questions for you. What if God decided not to bless you with a husband? How does that possibility make you feel? Think about it... Will God bless you with a husband? God knows. That's the good news. God knows the plans He has for you, and everything He has for you is good (Jeremiah 29:11). He may say 'yes;' He may say 'yes, but not right now;' He may say 'no.' But, How He chooses to respond to that desire/request should have only a positive impact on how you live your life.

God wants the very best for you. That's the better news. If His answer is 'no,' then it is for your benefit and protection. He will not keep anything that is good for you from you (Psalm 84:11). If His answer is 'yes, but not right now,' there is preparation and maturation needed beforehand. If His answer is 'yes,' get ready for ministry! Marriage is ministry: it is service and sacrifice on behalf of someone else. Are you ready for that?

That being said, let me also say this: if God can do more with you married than He can do with you single, He will bless you with a husband. God's mission is to get the best out of you so that you can fulfill your purpose for His glory. If marriage can help to accomplish that, it will be yours. Marriage is a means to an end; it is not the end itself. The end is fulfilling your purpose.

You definitely sound like you've "got it going on," and that's great! Keep it up. Live life to its fullest! Live your life in such a way that if a husband comes along, you'll be so preoccupied with the fullness of your life you'll hardly notice. And, if a husband does not come along... you'll be so preoccupied with the fullness of your life you'll hardly notice.  

[Hiswaythistime]

What a question? I have asked this SAME question more times than I would like to admit.  And yet, until I submitted to His perfect will for my life at this time...I really had to wonder...God is this thing on?  Can yeh hear me now? I believe wholeheartedly that He will be faithful to His promises Psalm 37:4...yeah, yeah, yeah! How many times have we heard that?  And yet between the itching, the hot flashes and whatever else...God is faithful to His promises!  I have FINALLY resolved in my mind and spirit (flesh is still trying to catch up) that if He chose NOT to bless me with a husband...I would serve Him anyway! ALL TO JESUS I SURRENDER! Don't get me wrong I REALLY want to be married, but MY greatest desire is to serve God!  Hold on everyone! Please...just HOLD ON! And in the meantime...live a little! I'm single, saved and now finally trying to be satisfied in Him!

Much love to those still struggling...just HOLD ON!

[Breathedonme]

Why does a woman want a husband so badly?  What does she expect of marriage - love eternal?  There is so much to maintaining marriage.  Questions to ask - do I suddently want to submit to my husband?  Do I want to deal with his issues in addition to mine?  Do I want to deal with his shortcomings?  I could go on, but why do we suddenly become so hungry and desperate (not suggesting that you are).

Many times I've seen women wanting to marry in the Body of Christ, just to be so very disappointed.  Now God is awesome and can provide us with a partner, but everything has its price.

[Forum Administrator]

These are excellent questions! These are examples of the kinds of questions a person should consider before marriage. Marriage is ministry: it's what you do in service of someone else. Marriage at its best is a sacrifical partnership. A lot of people approach marriage with the attitude, what can you do for me? A more appropriate question might be, what can I do for you? or am I suited  to help you to be all that you can be? These are questions that both people contemplating marriage need to honestly ask themselves. (If only one person is asking these questions, you might have a problem.) In order to honestly answer such questions, you have to have a good sense of who you are first. Do you understand your personality? Do you know the things that are most important to you in a person/relationship? Do you know where you're going? What are your plans? How are you equipped to get there? What are your gifts/talents? What is your purpose? What are your expectations? Are they realistic? How can you know if you are well suited for someone when you don't have a sense of who you are?

Marriage is a mirror: you will reflect your spouse and your spouse will reflect you, and you may not always like what you see. Any unresolved issues you have before marriage--no matter how well masked/hidden--are coming out in the marriage. That's why it's a good idea to work on those problem areas that you know of now, before you get married. That is also why good pre-marital counseling is absolutely necessary. For those of you who are currently in relationships and contemplating marriage, are you ready to accept the person you're considering, with all of their flaws and faults, even if that person never changes?

Disappointment is a result of unfulfilled or unrealistic hopes, desires, or expectations. Life will bring some disappointment because we will never be completely fulfilled or reach perfection until Christ returns. However, a realistic view of marriage and an honest evaluation of who you are and your motive(s) for even wanting to be married before you get married can greatly minimize the degree of disappointment after marriage. Be proactive: don't wait until you're in a marriage and having problems before you start to do something about it. There are things that you can do right now that will benefit you and the way you live your life before and after marriage. Be honest with yourself. Take a good look at yourself and work on what needs to be worked on. Do all that you can do now to be better. When it comes to marriage, as Christ said, count the cost before you build (Luke 14:28).

[Theresa McFaddin]

Well you have asked the million dollar question of our generation of single women!  Isaiah stated in 4:1 that "in that day, seven women will take hold of one man, saying, we will eat our own bread and provide our own apparel: only let us be called by your name to take away our reproach of being unmarried" (amplified Bible).  Statistics prove that women all over are having a hard time getting married, unlike in the past.  As women of God, we have decide if we are going to submit to statistics or faith in God.  The 3 Hebrew boys in the book of Daniel gave single women great advice in 3:16-18.  When faced with not knowing if God would stand up for them, they said that God was in fact able... but even if he didn't do it, they would not submit to another god!  We have to know our God's capability.  We are called to be holy in this world as single women, and this places us in a position for the favor and blessings of God.  But if we trust him by living holy and still don't get married, then we have to decide that we won't shift and act like ungodly women.

I honestly believe that with every question, there are other questions to consider.  For instance:  What are your motivations for wanting to get married?  Are you ready to get married?  How can you "help" a man that your heavenly Father may send?  Lastly, who are you trying to marry?

If you consider your motivation, then you will have to be very honest with yourself.  Proverbs 16:2 states "all a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord" (NIV).  Is it simply for companionship?  If you desire this, there is nothing wrong wiht that; however, it is more to a godly marriage than someone to spend time with.  In every relationship or friendship, there comes that massive moment when we could care less about the other person ... or we can be so offended, we don't want to be with that person.  This is a good time for purpose to remind you that your reason for being joined to this person is not simply to hang out, go to dinner, tell someone about your day, or go to events with.  It's a lot deeper than that!  You have to know that at the end of it all, through the good and bad, better or for worst, richer or for poorer, sickness and in health ... you two are one unit moving towards a common, called purpose.

Secondly, is your house in order to get married?  In my book, Supernaturally Attractive, I write about "waiting around" and the balance in your attraction account.  We may meet someone, but do we have an overdrawn balance, bounced checks and other unfinished life business concerns?  Sometimes we look to be rescued from our life, but this negates being ready.  If we're called to be helpers, then how can we help another if we are torn up and under construction in need of help ourselves!

Next, we might need to consider how can you "help" a man that your heavenly Father may send?  Try to get real set on what you can bring to the table.  Are you valueable in a business capacity, cooking, family care, education, social grace, ministry service.  This is very critical, because every man needs something specific that we as women can help him with.  Knowing your best asset will also help you determine who to hook up with.  A man may not need you to help him build a business, but he may need someone that loves to host guests at home attend social events, etc.  You may be just the right match to keep his business life balanced with his clients, boss, etc.  Or you may have a heart to serve in ministry and really love helping people.  This would be great for a man that needs a wife to understand his care for others.  Knowing how you can help will help you be a great helper!    Otherwise, you are just out there looking for just any man as long as he is single and available, and you never consider all that his life entails.

Lastly, that consideration will help you figure out who you are trying to marry.  Some of us are only looking for a fantasy relationship and nothing viable and based in reality!  We want the 6 figure income, 2 cars, chocolate, 6'2", brilliant stock broker - and nothing less!  This is completely crazy!  Right in front of your face is a 5 income figre, 1 paid for car, medium complextion, 5'10", sales rep that is completely crazy about YOU!  Stopping looking pass him   and look at him!  

Real life doesn't always look like an ABC or NBC sitcom or drama.  There are some good brothers out there that don't have degrees, but make a good living as an electrician or plumber.  You may have an MBA.... so help him start his own business, but don't look down on him because he doesn't equal your dream.

Remember, God will send you what you need so you can handle what you want!

I trust this will help..... in the meantime don't forget that men are attracted through the eye gate.  So while you are waiting on the Lord, work on you - be a woman of service - and live holy!

your sis in Christ, Theresa