Fighting Temptations

[Novelist]

Sexuality is one of the major hot topics across the world.  In society, we are affected by sexuality through music, movies, commercials, reality shows, friends, romantic relationships, billboards, and there is more! Desire.  It is desirable and tasteful images that we imagine and experience most of the time.  Speaking for myself, I have gone through different channels of sexuality because for one, I consider myself a natural romantic.  However, this is my dilemma.  The more I imagine, it entertains my thoughts with visuals in my head and I realize how sinful it is.  

It is not easy because I am trying to stay celibate and celebrate my singleness and strength.  Am I alone on this one?  Honestly, I am tempted to go all the way and then I realize, "Oh, I am so glad I did not do that" because I would be sad afterwards.  This is what pleasure does.  It appears as an attraction and then I begin to ponder on those pleasures of attraction and then here comes opportunity.  When opportunity knocks, sometimes it is best not to answer when it comes to that because I realize that after the pleasure is gone, I am dried out and empty.  Each day I am praying that I do not encounter any of those opportunities and if I do, give me the strength to say no!!

[manonfire]

I have been without sex for about three years now and it is hard because of all the images the media puts out.  It is very important that we tune these images out as much as possible.   There are a lot of things that can impact you little by little and you not even be consious of it.   However I truly believe what the word says that our light afflictions can not compare to the glory that will be  revealed in us.   I have also been tempted to the point where all the clothes were off and I had to run.   The bible says flee from fornication and all apprearances of sexual immorality.   Be honest with yourself also,  there are just some people that you are not safe around.   There are certain women I know who are cool with me but I would not allow myself to be put in a compromising situation with.   My last comment is the way you feel afterwards after the fornication is just not worth it.   And don't feel bad about your desires for a mate,  God will make good on that promise because he truly the rewarder of those who diligently seek him.


Blessings

[Xanadu012]

In regards to fighting tempation how is it possible to do this without putting yourself in a social box?  In an effort to avoid movies that will "set my mind to wanding" I usually avoid those that are overtly sexual.  That doesn't leave many to choose from and it's somewhat akward when a person asks "did you see this movie?"  It's the same for some music and television shows.  Sex is everywhere and it's hard to avoid it.  I think this is more of a vent...

[David Dupree]

Hi Xan,  

Your response has your own answer.  You avoid those situations and movies and television shows.  So what if people ask have you seen it.  You just say no and then tell them why.  

(pardon me while I get on my soapbox.)

One of the major issues with today's society is that there is a move afoot to ensure that all persons are assimilated with all facets of society.  That is just not biblical!  The children of Israel didn't assimilate with the Philistines or the Hittites, Jebusites or any other ite.  Matter of fact, most of them God sent the Israelites in and told them not to let any survive!

Where are the Christians, the called-out ones who will dare to be a Daniel; who will dare to stand alone?  The old folks used to say that if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything.  

Where are the Anointed ones who are not afraid to call wrong wrong and right right?

Where are the chosen vessels who don't mind setting limits and sticking to them?  

Where are those who believe in shunning the very appearance of evil?

The song is true, "I need you to survive."  But I don't need you giving in to every fad and trend.  We need strong links in the chain.  There are already too many weak links.  


(okay, I am calming down now)

Xan, if your friends don't understand why you don't go to certain movies or watch certain channels etc, then maybe it is time to let God send you some new friends.  Grow to the place where people and their faulty opinions don't matter.  

On the other hand, maybe it is time to go into that "social box" so that God can have your full and undivided attention.  "Where He leads me, I will follow; I'll go with Him all the way."  

Keep fighting temptations!  

dd

[Xanadu012]

Well David, all I can say is "Amen and Amen!"  Thank You

[christianthought]

Hey all,
  I just wanted to encourage someone and kind of confess/open up a little bit in order to hopefully bless someone, but also to hopefully get some real direction/wisdom for my life.
  I had a friend visit a couple of days ago, and although we are just friends, our relationship got kind of physical.  We didn't have sex (in any way), but we did more than I feel comfortable with.  I felt bad about that, but then the situation got a little worse.
   Since we are friends, she opened up to me and began telling me about her sexual history (kind of), ie what she does in her spare time and how she feels about sex.  Please excuse my lack of tact, but I am just going to write it...she believes that sex before marriage is ok, and she also told me about her...helper (and I don't mean the Holy Spirit; I mean a vibrator, which she uses often).  
   It might not be right, but I felt worse about her telling me that stuff than about what we did.  I mean, I have prayed and repented for that whole night, but it just rubbed me wrong and disagreed with me so much, even to the point to where I was having problems controlling my thoughts in church the next morning!  And honestly, due to my relationship problems (as aforementioned on other posts) and my trouble controlling my thought life (which leads to other, predictable things), I had a serious problem with what she told me.
   I spoke with one of the ministers in my church, and he said that if I continue to fight against what I know is right, ie if I keep messing around physically with her, I am going to fall.  The Holy Spirit impressed that same thing upon me the night before, and the girl just straight out said the EXACT same thing.  I let her know that I am trying to practice cellibacy, and I don't want to have sex.
   This is my friend, and we talk often.  I mean, I don't think that it will be a problem of taking our relationship "back" to where it was, because she has a lot going on with her, and I don't want to fight with my thought life anymore than I already do.  Am I being naive?  
   Honestly, I have never known a woman, but I am unfortunately fairly experienced sexually.  I have, since I began going out on dates, I have been able to not have sex, even though I have gotten too close on too many occasions.  I feel kind of funny about letting go of my friend, because we are good friends, and were so before the physical aspect was introduced.  Should I let her go?  Right now I desire to be in a relationship, but it appears that nothing is going right in that arena.  Am I just too messed up to pursue that area now?  What do you think?  I am kind of at a loss right now about what to do about this whole area, so I am avoiding it, but I don't think that is what I should do...but I don't know what else to do.

[Xanadu012]

Dear ChristianThoughts - Have you read "Not Even A Hint" by Joshua Harris?  It's really helpful in regards to the ongoing struggle with sexual tempation.  I'd first like to congratulate you on having a desire to do what's right before the Lord.  It's not an easy thing to do.  If a person reveals to you the truth about themself why wouldn't you believe it?  What happened this past weekend is only a glimpse of what is to come if you don't Resist the devil (James 4:7).  There are so many warnings that your flesh doesn't want to see.  Being unequally yoked (2 Corin. 6:14) is only one that comes to mind.  The one thing I learned is that just because I purposed in my heart to do what's right didn't mean things got easier.  In fact it seemed as though all hell broke lose! (Pardon the language).  Celibacy is a lonely road, but I believe that it's intended to be this way.  It is designed to draw us ever closer to the One we love.  

Isaiah 35:8
And a highway will be there;
it will be called the Way of Holiness.
The unclean will not journey on it;
it will be for those who walk in that Way;
wicked fools will not go about on it.

Xanadu

[Forum Administrator]

Hi Christianthought. Thanks for your openness. Have you ever heard the saying, "To thine own self be true?" This is an important principle to bear in mind when you are dealing with temptation, especially sexual temptation. You have to know yourself.

Know that your flesh is never converted. Your spirit was made alive when you became a believer, but your flesh is the same as it always was. It will be stimulated by the same old things it used to be stimulated by. That is why you have to daily put your body under subjection to the Holy Spirit. That means that you use wisdom and stay away from those things that you know will get your flesh riled up and you let your love for God govern your daily behavior through your obedience. A big part of that has to do with what you do with your mind.

A big part of knowing yourself is knowing that, even though you're saved, you can't look at, listen to, talk about, or being around things that will set your flesh off. Job made a covenant with his own eyes that he would not look lustfully on another person. We are encouraged to gird up the loins of our mind. That simply means that we have to tighten stuff up so that we don't allow our minds to dwell on things that are going to weaken us. Be careful what you let in to your mind. The mind drives the actions and if you dwell on a thing in your mind long enough you will eventually act on it.

Have you and your friend discussed things of a sexual nature (directly or indirectly) before this incident happened? The reason I'm asking is because what happened between you and your friend didn't just happen suddenly. It may have happened subtly, but not suddenly. The best way to not fall is to realize what caused you to fall and then put a plan in action that will prevent that from happening again in the future. Your enemy is strategic; you have to be too.

You and your friend crossed a line in your friendship that is going to make it awkward to continue, but not necessarily impossible. Sexual intimacy--whether physical or verbal--changes the nature of a friendship. You have to rebuild the boundary line that you've broken down and crossed. That means that you get it clear in your mind what your commitment is. Once you have it clear in your own mind, make it known to your friend and let that commitment govern your friendship from here on out. Think of your friend as your sister and don't bring "incest" into your relationship. If she starts to talk about sexual things, stop her, hang up, walk out; do what you have to do to preserve the integrity of your own mind and your walk with the Lord. Don't light fires or allow anyone to light a fire in you that you are not in a position to put out (i.e. in marriage). You'll just get burned.

You can resist the devil's plan to bring you down through temptation, but not until you submit to God first. In submitting to God you are recognizing his authority in your life and making a commitment to honor that authority. Who's the boss: your flesh or God? You have to decide what you want to do more: please yourself or please God. When your desire to please God becomes greater than your desire to please yourself, your struggle will be over.

A lot of people lose the battle with sexual temptation because they are so focused on not having sex. That's just as bad as focusing on having sex. Your mind is still preoccuppied with sex.  You said you don't want to have sex, but is that really true? You cannot even begin to fight this battle until you're honest with yourself about what you want. You can't be tempted by what you don't want. Instead of focusing on not having sex, focus on pleasing God instead. That way, even if sexual temptation presents itself, you can be honest with yourself and say, yes, I want that, but I want to please God more than I want that. That is when your enemy will flee from you and you will have victory in this area of your life.

Christianthought, don't play with your flesh. Know it; understant it; and put it under subjection. No more getting "too close." No more "trying to practice celibacy." Make up your mind to do things God's way and stick to it as if your life depends on it. Your spiritual life does.