Friends w/ the Opposite sex

[Imagineme]

Hello all,

For the life of me I don't understand why it seems so hard for men and women to be just friends, especially within the church. A place where we are suppose to treat each other with brotherly/sisterly love  .  I read the topic mistakes made when dealing w/ the opposite sex posted in 2004.  I agree with a lot of mistakes that were mentioned.  For instance I do feel as though people do send mixed singles, women do tend to read too much in a simple act of kindness, but so do men.  I am a single female who does want to get married...eventually .  But right now it would be nice to hang out with the fellas sometimes and just have fun. To get a male perspective on things and not just on relationship issues. I did hang out w/ the guys in my Christian group in college, but that season is over.  Okay so now I am in church, if I so much as smile at a guy... it's oh no is she looking for a husband. Some men shy away. Some proudly proclaim that they are single or hint at it. Then female claws start to come out and territories are clearly marked. So I think okay maybe I don't need male friends within my church right now, just make sure Jesus is my friend.  Oh and my definition of a friend is... some one who sticks closer to you than a brother, can laugh with, share tears with, pray with, etc and etc, without sex being an issue.  I don't know if this issue was talked about a 101 times before, but I would like comments on it.  Thanks and God Bless you all

[bishopbiscuits]

Howdy Imagineme........

...........It shouldn't be as hard as it is, but we have to work at it.  Learn for ourselves  what the general nature of our communication and expectation  should be
..........It is not fair to have someone assume what your attentions and you are about. Some people have their guard way up. Never know what has happened in their lives.

..........My approach is to extend the care , respect, and corny jokes that I share with my siblings.    Knowing that they are part of my family, I strive to encourage, honor, and support my family in Christ.
.........I believe that having a foundation of intimacy and fulfilment in God is the best anchor against the swift tides of our hearts and minds.

[bishopbiscuits]

........I believe that men and women in Christ can be friends. I also believe that worldly influence, plus the mistakes we know people have made, make it more difficult to imagine healthy, platonic relationships between men and women.
........I posted some of my thoughts on the "family" side of Christian interaction  in Waterlogged/ Topic: We are family .   I started it out with the four kinds of love. Check it out, send some feedback if you like. 
http://www.deepwaters.info/forum/index.php?topic=483.msg1414#msg1414

........Here are  my thoughts on the friendship/getting acquainted side. 

........There are three heavy influences on how we interact, especially in the earliest stages of meeting and acquaintance. As my understanding of them has increased, I am better prepared to guide them. They are:  desire, anticipation, and sense of purpose.

1.   .....One of the definitions of desire is : to wish for; to want something very strongly.
......"What do you want?" is a powerful question to ask, because truthfully answering it requires us to be aware of, and honest with ourselves. Plus, it makes us give specific shape and form to our feelings through word or action. And so.........."What do you want?"
.......Being able to identify and recognise what we feel, what we want , what we need is a great benefit. Once you are aware of it, you can direct it, and temper it. Once it is no longer an unclear idea/impression, ignorance is not an excuse, and we can meet the "contents of our hearts" in a manageable way, through Christ.
......... Being out of touch with your own heart leaves room for all kinds of confusion.  And it makes it harder to share and communicate your feelings/thoughts, which have no specific form within you until wrapped in words. Wisdom and teaching as inspired by the Word and the Holy Spirit,  Help to shed light on the "unknowns."   

2.  ....To anticipate can mean to expect something, to look forward to something, or to prevent something, depending on the nature of the expectation. To expect can mean to confidently believe, or to believe a future event is likely.
.........Our personal knowledge and lessons drawn from experiences form the basis of regular expectation. We gather our ideas and figure out the chances of different events happening. We prepare ourselves for the expected outcome, or work to put the odds of an acceptable/desireable result in our favor.

3. Sense of Purpose...Purpose can be defined as:
A. Reason for existence: the reason for which something exists or for which it has been done or made
B. Desired effect: the goal or intended outcome of something
.........So by sense of purpose, I mean having an understanding within yourself of the general reasons we meet, as well as having a guiding goal or effect that you seek to achieve.
........What are the reasons that we, as Christians, meet? To fellowship with God and one another. To be encouraged, strengthened, and supported. To learn and grow in faith, that we may put to work our faith in how we live our lives amongst all.
........We as people need to laugh, and to cry, to support, and be supported.  To share and bear the joys and sorrows of life with others. To be challenged , inspired, to relax and have recreation. To be serious and silly  
.......These are some of the reasons we get together.

......I believe that we have a lot of desire and anticipation in the earliest stages of meeting, but go in lacking enough sense of purpose to properly balance them.
......Put another way, if we  -as Christians- see our reason for existence is  to honor and serve God first, and decide that the desired effect of our general fellowship with others is to express and grow in Christ's love, then we can avoid making some of the mistakes we make.
......No, we won't be perfect in this, but when we change the nature and severity of errors made, we also make it easier for grace , mercy, and healing love to be in the midst of our fellowship, filling in the unseen "gaps."

.......We are part of a living breathing body by the Holy Spirit. With gifts and talents, visions and great potentials. Let's appreciate our variety in the Body of Christ  Thank goodness we are not called to be simply "religious robots."

IF:
......If we recognize that selfishness in all its forms must be recognised and removed
....If we know that we have a right to how we may feel in a moment, but must choose how to respond to others
......If we balance anticipation with truth
.....If we will forgive each other and continue to grow in God, in faith hope, and love

THEN, I believe we have a good start!   

Much love,           BB

[da2bjeez]

 

A righteous man is cautious in friendship, ( Or man is a guide to his neighbor ) but the way of the wicked leads them astray Proverbs 12:26. This verse also applys to friends with the opposite sex. I believe that you must be cautious in who you choose as friends, because people can have an impact on you. They can speak good or evil into your lives. Having males friends are good only if your the type of person that knows your bounderies. As for me I choose not to have close male friends for the purpose of confusion.The enemy will use anything to drift us away from God even if it means stiring up feelings. At all times we must know Gods will in frieindships, or descern each other spirits. I think having male e-mail friends are fine, but with close male friends you should be careful we have emotions and sometimes they run wild.



As for man I can't really speak on how you guys feel towards female friends. If you have observe your selfs and feel that you can control your feelings then go ahead, but only with caustion.



da2bjeez

[bishopbiscuits]

.....I truly try to model how I treat sisters in Christ like I treat my sister, or would want her to be treated. I believe them to have great value, because they do. I believe that they are worthy of respect. I also see their purpose and rightful place as being with God first.
........To establish some good, healthy relationships, I try to have a "no strings attached" attitude. I try to extend that kind of "familial love" as a general rule. Where someone is loved because they are a part of the family, with no other qualifications. (You can set up healthy and necessary boundaries. Being family is not an "All Access Pass" to you[/u]. )
.........My purpose in their lives is to edify (build up), exhort ( lift up), and comfort, as I am comfortable and led to with respect to the nature of our fellowship. Having a care for them that is an extension of God's care in my life.
........This means also desiring God's best for them. And being aware that what's truly best for them may not be "me" or have much to do with me. God's will be done, and may they be well.
.......If you are secure and satisfied in God, with peace in yourself, you can let go of a
passing idea or desire to orchestrate and manipulate. Or to throw temper tantrums before God over someone who is His first.
........The answer to the question of male/female friendship to me always starts with the knowledge of God, knowledge of self, and knowledge of others. And appreciating the roles we can have over the course of the years of our lives , if we don't burden or taint every acquaintance and friendship by being on some undercover "hunt."
.......Let God be in us, His truth be ever within being revealed, and let us become patient and sober in our journey.
.....This is not to take away from the natural happiness we can feel when meeting/communicating with people we  like and get along with. Play and fun can be great assets in the learning process and the experience of life!   Let's just play fairly