How can my friendship be restored?

[Novelist]

For the past month, my bestfriend and I have not been around one another.  It started back in July when I was preparing to go on a retreat and her birthday was coming up.  Around this time, we recently went to the movies and talked, but we drifted into our own space again: Not speaking for a while.  This is not the first nor second or third this has happened.  In fact, this has occurred on several occasions between us because of the way we feel.  Our friendship is not the same.  We tried all that we could do, but we are more distant than ever.  Although we continually talk, we do not converse the same with one another.  The paths we had taken are going in different directions and it is fearful.  

Recently, we attended the movies again, which is the biggest activity that we have done during our friendship.  We started talking about what is on our minds and then she was expressing her feelings about what we use to do and I agreed too.  For some reason, my motivation is not the same with her.  I love her dearly, she is a great person, but my life is taking a different way.  As we talked, I mentioned how we are young ladies, trying to establish our lives and that it's ok.  Well, it may be more than this and that is what I am wondering.  We shared our views momentarily, but things are still distant.  Now, the only way our relationship can change is up to us, but apparently, we have made that decision already by the way we relate to one another.  Things are changing and we have to go along with it, even when it gives us discomfort.  

Right now, I am not sure if I can be her bestfriend because I am trying to get myself together and I am not there for her as much.  The way we communicate is based on who calls who and I know that I don't call sometimes because I do not want to feel as if I am tracking her down.  More than anything, I feel as if her life is more occupied since she is working, has other friends, and have a boyfriend.  It's like she has it all in the palm of her hand.  Back then and even now, I will honestly say that I was jealous of her back then because she seem to have an effect on people that I wish I had.  But, I am not her.  She is not me and perhaps we have grown to be too different, I don't know.  We have a history of laughs, cries, secrets, and some adventures.  All we have are those memories.  At this time of our lives, we are focusing on other things and not on each other too much.

During our converse, she mentioned how much she missed us doing things and how I do not call her.  I did not believe that, I was surprised she felt that way.  It is weird and I cannot explain it, but I am not sure if our friendship is ending on a good note or bad one.  If we want to save our friendship and bring more excitement, what can we do to make it work?

[Forum Administrator]

You do not need to restore this friendship. To 'restore' means to return to the original condition or position. From what you have described in this post and in others, your friendship was marred and marked by jealousy, poor or no communication, self-centeredness and anger (to name a few). You do not need to go back to that.

What you need is renewal. You need a fresh start. Begin anew. You can't change the past, neither can you change anyone else. What you can do is change your way of thinking and consequently, your behavior. Novelist, you have access to a "vehicle" (Deep Waters) that can help you to move forward. You get in, but you keep trying to put it in reverse. If you keep doing this, you will injure yourself and possibly others in the process. The only time this vehicle goes in reverse is to help you clear an obstacle so that you can move forward. It's time for you to move forward. Stop trying to go back to what was, and start looking forward to what can be (Philippians 3:13-14). If you want to be a "best" friend to someone, start by focusing on being your best.

[Novelist]

Thank you so much for the response.  I am taking one day at a time to get myself together.  

[ReeC]

I strongly agree with the first response.  Certainly it is renewal that is needed and apparently some healing needs to take place in your life concerning you.  You can't love someone until you love yourself and just from the statements that you made concerning your jealousy towards her because of her effect on people and just how things have fallen in place for her, lets me know that you aren't happy w/you or your life and how the response from others have been to you.  Learn to love you first.  You can't fortify a friendship when you can't even be a friend to yourself.  Pray that the Lord would help you to like you, be yourself and enjoy who you are and who you are becoming in Christ.  It is always easy to desire someone else's glory..... but can you handle the story that came w/the glory?  Everyone of us has a "glory" day.  Maybe her personality is more outgoing, or more attractive because of her interaction w/people.  Doesn't suggest that you are not loved as much or even more.  Focus on allowing God to Heal you, fortify you and secure you, so that you won't have emotions that aren't healthy for you or others.  Get a healthy opinion about yourself and watch how it will change the response of others. A friend loves at all times, so the love shouldn't change... but we all go through different seasons in life and maybe this season God wants all of you and he doesn't want to share you.  He wants you to share your secrets w/Him and have an adventerous time in Him.  He wants to hear how you are feeling and he wants to know when you are down.  So maybe he is separating you for himself........Endure the process, but enjoy the alone time.... Be encouraged and be strong, God is faithful and He won't leave you alone.

[Novelist]

Restoration is much needed in my life.  From the comments, I can agree with both of you.  My love for Christ and myself is important.  Right now, I am having some difficulties with things and I am making an effort to get better.  In my life, I suffered some hardcore roads of disappointments and hurts.  From family to friendships, I have gone through the storms.  Prayerfully, I desire my life and love for myself to get better because I cannot depend on others to love me except God and myself.  Times are tough and I have personal issues that I am facing.  Starting with my relationship with God, my educational goals, relationships, and establishing myself as a woman.  Time does not change nor stop, so I need to move on and press on.  Thank you for your words of wisdom and truth, because I needed to hear the truth.  Apparently, I have been hiding and concealing myself from the truth and I need to be free.  God bless you.