Deciphering the hints, aka does she like me?

[christianthought]

I'll make this quick.  I think this young lady likes me, but I can't tell.  I'm sure that to her, she is being overt, but I don't see it.  On the other hand, I think that I am being overt, but I don't think she sees it either.  How is a man supposed to know if a lady likes him or not?  I know that men are supposed to be initiators, and I agree, but nobody likes rejection, regardless of gender. :-/

[ethereal]

CT,

u'd think that being in the kingdom would relieve us of some of this stuff   there is so much of our lives that God has to be in control of (lest we muck it up!) i don't think this is one of those things. The relationship at large, yes, but this one is on you   . U could simply say, "Excuse me, i wanted to talk to u b/c I wanted 2 clear something up. I'm not sure if i'm correct, but I believe that I've noticed somehting between us" If u're off base, she'll let u know. if not.......

Above all, CT, use wisdom. no matter how u choose 2 go about confirming whether or not this young lady likes you, make sure that your vision is clear.

[Forum Administrator]

I'll make this quick.  I think this young lady likes me, but I can't tell.  I'm sure that to her, she is being overt, but I don't see it.  On the other hand, I think that I am being overt, but I don't think she sees it either.  How is a man supposed to know if a lady likes him or not?  I know that men are supposed to be initiators, and I agree, but nobody likes rejection, regardless of gender. :-/

Hi christianthought. I'll follow you're lead and make my response quick. Are you ready for the answer? Here it is: ask. If you have an honorable interest in this young lady, and you're prepared for her responding in the affirmative, clearly express your interest and intentions to her and then ask her what her level of interest is in you. Don't expect her to put herself out there if you're not willing/ready to do the same.

We spend too much time trying to "decipher the hints" when we can simply ask and get clarification. You're right: nobody likes rejection. But uncertainty is even worse than rejection. When it comes to relationships, an exclamation mark beats a question mark any day.  

P.S. Welcome to Deep Waters!  

[Theresa McFaddin]

Brother.... I second the motion of the last moderator:  ASK!  Although men suffer from more rejection often times than women, there is nothing more appealing than a godly man that handles his business!

Make it happen... and if she doesn't feel the same, at least you got practice for the next go 'round!

[David Dupree]

Mine will be quick also!   ASSUME NOTHING! Speculation involves a lot of risk.  Are you friends with this young lady?  Are you willing to risk your friendship if your speculation is wrong?  What is more important to you?  Moving forward towards relationship or improving good friendships?  

I can't answer any of those for you because there is benefit to answers on both sides of the coin.  Bottom line--be prayerful and ask the Holy Spirit for ordered steps.  

ddupree

[CrownJewel]

Christian thought,


I concur to the 4th power that the simple approach is the best.  You just need to know if there is an interest so ask.  If the answer is yes, you can proceed to explore more than friendship, if the answer is no, then you proceed to maintain the friendship.

[christianthought]

Well, just an update of this particular situation.
I decided to leave the young lady alone, since she wanted to leave the relationship at the same level that it was, ie friends.  If I think about it, then I can get confused again, because she still shows those signals.  Again, I decided to just let the hopes of a relationship go, and in the process, discovered traits about her that really rubbed me the wrong way.  I am not trying to pretend that I just don't like her at all, but I have made the choice to not even worry about having a relationship with her...mostly.  Hopefully.  Worrying about other personal issues now.  And trying not to focus on the relationship arena.

[ethereal]

Well CT,

God knows best. It's great that you were able to discover the things that "rubbed u the wrong way" while everything was still at the friendship stage. Trust me when I tell you, you probably saved yourself from a huge headache!

[David Dupree]

CT

Man, I am glad that you have decided to maintain your friendship.  That seems to be the best thing here.  Too often we get sidetracked with peripherals and forget about the obvious.  

Society has done a great disservice to the church and the church hasn't done much to help it.  Many women in the church are starving for male friends who are not after "one thing."  (Even in the church)  But all too often, women can't find those friends because the men in the church don't have enough church in them and tend to continue doing things the worldly way.  Therefore, the women, even in the church, so often turn to "f*g hags" for that male friendship where they can be safe, get decent non-female conversation and let their guard down without the threat of being taken advantage of sexually or otherwise...or having the feeling that sooner or later they will be asked to "put out."

The Bible maintains that we have many teachers but not many fathers.  I believe that the same goes for not many brothers.  We need brothers in the church who will treat sisters as sisters--friends without any 'hint" of there being a sexual overtone or innuendo.  

Deciphering the hints?  It seems to me that you really don't know your friend.  Otherwise you would know that what you are deciphering as hints is just her taking the opportunity to "relax" around someone she obviously feels that she can relax with.  Hey, it isn't hieroglyphics. (sp) No need to decipher anything.  It isn't tongues,  No need for an interpreter.    Just be a godly friend, a true brother indeed.  And keep God even at the center of your friendship.  

dd

[christianthought]

Amazingly insightful, Mr. Dupree.  I read that before, but for some reason it just struck me today so much that I thought about it for a good part of the day.

You are right, and I fell into something that I have dealt with for a while, and that I caution others about.  In my "non-search" for "The One," I actually have been still looking and hoping.  Still evaluating the women that I know, and seeing if they are wife material or not.  I don't know...I try not to think about "The One," and let God do His thing in regard to this subject.  I don't know why I keep thinking and looking.  I mean, I know that it isn't bad to pray for your mate ahead of time, but I do so pretty regularly.  She is a subject of many of my prayers, although I am trying *not* to think about how she is going to be, act, and look.  But I still do.

Recently, I have made something of a resolution to get busy doing the work of the ministry, as well as handling some personal and professional development.  I am trying to leave that arena with God, and focus on other things, but it isn't working.  

This was supposed to be a post to thank you for your words of wisdom.  I don't know why I started again on something else, but...I guess I needed to write it.  Thanks for your wisdom though.  Very insightful.

[Forum Administrator]

Hi christianthought. Your post reminded me of a question I posted in the Jump Right In category some time back. Proverbs 18:22 says He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD. Have you ever thought about that word find? At first glance, we might be tempted to think it means something discovered that was sought after or searched for, and that is indeed one of the meanings of that word. But there are many other meanings also. Here are a few:

• To come upon, often by accident; meet with.
• To come upon or discover by searching or making an effort
• To discover or ascertain through observation, experience, or study
• To perceive to be, after experience or consideration
• To experience or feel
• To recover (something lost)
• To recover the use of; regain
• To succeed in reaching; arrive at (e.g. The dart found its mark)
• To obtain or acquire by effort
• To decide on and make a declaration about (e.g. All the jurors found him guilty)
• To furnish; supply.
• To bring (oneself) to an awareness of what one truly wishes to be and do in life.
• To perceive (oneself) to be in a specific place or condition (e.g. found herself at home that night; found himself drawn to the stranger.)

The scripture does not specify which "find,"  so perhaps it could be any of the above. I've heard of some brothers who "acquire" their wives' affection "through [much] effort." Others were busy doing other things and weren't really "looking" but "discovered" their wives along the way. Some "perceive" their wives "after experience or consideration." Some through "observation." Only God knows how you'll "find" her.

My point is that you don't have to beat yourself up for thinking or praying about the wife you desire. Pray on.  Let your specific requests be made known to God. That's what He told you to do (Philippians 4:6). Watch and pray if you please  . The key is in not allowing your watching to cause you to lose sight of everything else or to become so preoccupied that you get tunnel vision or distracted from the other things in life that need to be focused on.

Your "something of a resolution" sounds great! And you might as well be honest with yourself and God about what you want and not try to deny it. That will cause you trouble in your mind and spirit. I encourage you that whenever you do think about the wife that you desire, you "talk" to God about what you're thinking. You will find that as you do this, God will give you clarity of thought, depth of perception and most of all peace. In the meantime, do your best to do whatever needs to be done so that when you do "find" a woman who is suited to be your wife, you can do more than just look.  

[gracegirl]

Hello,
I'll try to make mine quick but there's a whole back story to this story that....well I'll try to be quick. I've mentioned this man before on a post that I believe Mr.Dupree or Ms. Althea responded too and told me to put him on the altar. It was the Beautiful Brother Server that I'm praying is the One?  Ring a bell? Well  anyway I did that, erased his phone number and everything. It's been about 6 months since then. Recently, I ran into BBS unexpectedly at a venue and  I was with my mom. She mentioned to me that there was this guy just staring at me. So we made eye contact, said Hello...blah, blah, blah! Anyway, he  mentioned he saw a project I did and was very impressed with it. I told him I had an opportunity to travel with this project and he asked how much was my ticket and offered to pay a portion of it!!! Now I don't speak to him on a regular basis, I run into to him maybe once or twice a year. We worked on a project a few years back and I observed then that there may have been an attraction towards me but he never asked me. And according to Proverbs 18:22 I left it alone!  So what's this about?? :-/ I'm trying not to read that deep into it and just chalk up as the Lord  answering my prayer about going on this trip and just decided to be funny and use BBS as a blessing. My girlfriend says  "A brotha just don't be shellin out no cash like that if he's not diggin you"

Thank you!

[Gracious]

Hello Gracegirl:

While reading the first few sentences of your post...what poured into my spirit (loud & STRONG) was this:

If a man is interested in you (truly serious about getting to know you), he will make it CRYSTAL CLEAR (no guessing--just-a-posing involved)...even the shy ones!!! This man will re-arrange his schedule to be where you are, and there again, you won't have to wonder about coincidence!!! In other words, you won't have to read between ANY lines!!! Too, brotha' may offer to spend money on you...that may have no bearing on his heart!!!

**********

Still, your anticipatory demeanor , and praise GOD for keeping what is not right for you...from you. I'm not saying that this brotha' is not right for you, I neither know him nor you; I'm simply beseeching you to listen to HIS voice!!! God is always speaking to us, however we tend to hear him best when we deny the flesh. Meaning...meditate (still your body and quiet your surroundings), read God's WORD...AND...PRAISE HIM...AND...WORSHIP HIM!!! Then prepare your temple (your body & spirit) for consecration, through a FASTING ritual!!!. My Sista', you may think this extreme, but believe me when I tell you...YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! Your emotions/feelings/your heart are invaluable and ordained as such from on-high...it is YOUR responsibility to guard the gates to your heart with vigor!!! The only way to do this, and maintain a loving, giving, GODLY - VIRTUOUSNESS (that WILL attract the RIGHT brotha' for you...to you ), is to have "Abba Father" walk before you (through the methods I've shared)...Amen?

With much love...always your sista' in Christ,

Gracious
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