Sick of Being Sick and Tired

[CrownJewel]

Sick and tired of pretending that I am not depressed or lonely and/or mad and broke most of the time.  I am a single mother and my daughters think I am sick just because I have a heart condition.  Just when I am too busy or tired to feel sorry for myself, someone brings up the issue of my singlehood and an anger boils up in my spirit that makes me sick to my stomach, literally.

Really, I am sick of the words about a mate every time a prophet sees me working in ministry and I don't have on a ring.  

In addition to medication that can make me lethargic and moody, I am fully aware that I am sick and tired of being alone, sacrificing alone, struggling alone and pretending to be busy to the point of exhaustion.

[christianthought]

CrownJewel,
I normally don't do this, but I really feel impressed to let you know that your name is how God sees you.  You are a jewel to Him.  Don't forget that.

Now on to the answer.  It is ironic that you posted that, because I wrote about that just last night on my website.  Here it is:

A relationship Christianthought, even though I said that I wouldn't talk about it anymore.  Do you really trust God?  I mean, we can all say on the surface that we trust God, but can I trust Him to bring me the person that HE has for me to have at the right time, in the right place, in the right way?  Can I occupy until the time comes?  Do I trust Him enough to stop worrying about it?  I would love to say a consistent yes to all of these, but I think the answer is obvious.  I want to trust Him more, to TRULY find my suffiency and contentment in Him, and handle business until God says,"You know, I don't think it's good that J is alone...let me send him a mate comparable to him." BTW, that means that person is going to be a Christian...no heathen dating for Christians.  Read your Bible.  No justifications.  No excuses.  Just fall in line.

I am not making light of your situation.  I have no children, but I get tired of being single, tired of waiting and wishing and hoping and praying and asking God yet again,"Is she the one?"  It seems like an exercise in futility, but then I remember who God is, and that He has my best interest at heart and in mind.  If I had the big picture, then I would want what HE wants.  Again, I am not trying to be insensitive, because I am talking to myself as well...neither am I married, so I am not telling you to wait while I have a wife to go home to.  I am just encouraging you to find your sufficiency and contentment in God.  If He is not first now, He won't be first when you get your mate, and that means trouble, no matter how you look at it.  Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.

I promised myself that I wouldn't be longwinded on here, so one analogy, and then I am done.  Think of a time when you were working, and you didn't have much to do.  You were watching the clock.  You look one time, and when you look again an hour later, 5 minutes have gone by.  Now think of another time when it was so busy that you didn't have time to eat.  Things were due.  You look at the clock one time, and five minutes later you look again.  2 whole hours have gone by!
What I am trying to say is that a watched pot never boils.  As long as we (and I mean that collectively, for all reading this post) are focused upon a mate, then it will take forever.  If we are seeking God and trying to make sure that we are clean and useable (sp?) vessels in EVERY way, then we will run across our mates in no time.  

Again, I am walking this out as we speak.  No mate.  No prospects.  Just God.  And strangely, I think this is just how it's supposed to be.

[Vikki Johnson]

CrownJewel:

You are precious to God and on your way to a breakthrough!  The first thing you did that pointed you in the direction of wholeness is "confess" your pain.  In our weakness God is made strong.  Further, His grace is sufficient in every situation.  God has been waiting for you to "throw your hands up" ~ now He can take over.

Any area of lack in our lives is a call to worship.  God is never truly glorified in us until we are truly satisfied with Him alone.  It's not being lonely (which I've been), broke (which I've been), a single parent (which I am), diagnosed with a heart condition (which I have been healed from), or the prophetic utterances of a mate (which I have received many times) that are frustrating you.  What's frustrating you is that you are trying to fill a "God-sized hole" in your life with things that will never be large enough to fit.  God wants to lead you beside the still waters and He wants to restore your soul ~ give Him what's left so He can take your natural pain and turn it into supernatural power.

So that my response is not perceived as just a quasi-spiritual antidote without the wisdom of practical application, here are a few suggestions to help you:

(1) Stop living your life looking in the rear view mirror and face each day as another opportunity to make DIFFERENT choices.  You have the power to STOP the madness.

(2) Take one day at a time.

(3) Commit to an intense love relationship with the Lord.  READ YOUR WORD daily and study His love for you; listen to love songs to/from the Lord; write love letters to Him and listen for His responses to you.

(4) Take one day at a time.

(5) Enjoy your girls before they become adults.  Take advantage of teachable moments and create memories.

(6) Take one day at a time.

(7) Visit the resources^* section and read books by Michelle McKinney Hammond and Aleathea Dupree to encourage yourself. I also recommend the book Hind's Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard (also on the resources page).
_{*Text in blue are clickable links}

(8 ) Take one day at a time.

Finally, know that God is ABLE.  He has an AGENDA for your life.  BELIEVE that He has an agenda for your life.  LIVE like you beieve He has an agenda for your life.  EXPECT God to perform everything that He's promised to you.  If you don't expect anything, you won't receive anything.

CrownJewel, endure the process ~ it's worth the wait and the weight.  God is making you ready for what He already has ready for you.

[CrownJewel]

God Bless you ChristianThought & Vikki Johnson


Please know and believe that I am NOT a cry baby but ya'll feeling me so hard I can hardly hold back!!!

Only God could lead you to put words to the tears that I refuse to cry and cause me to believe in and be reminded of His goodness before my feet slipped.  

Believe it or not I used to walk daily in every line of advice you guys posted! Ashamed that I have become so out of focus and off balance that I am buckling under the weight of my circumstances.

I know I have got to get back to and go even higher/deeper than before in my love relationship with my God.  I just got excited about my joyous prospect...gotta go -- My Lover is calling....

[Theresa McFaddin]

Dear Crown Jewel,

After reading your posting on being "sick of being sick and tired", I had an overwhelming compassion for you.

First, there were at least 7 phrases that you stated that stood out to me:  Sick and tired of pretending; I have a heart condition; anger boils up in my spirit; sick to my stomach, literally; sick of the words;medication that can make me lethargic and moody; and point of exhaustion.

All of these statements carry an extreme weight in your person.  The great christian writer, Watchman Nee, teaches us that man has 3 parts:  Soul, spirit and body.  Your spirit is where God abides.  Your soul contains your mind and thought, your emotions and feelings, and your will.  Your body works as a "puppet" of sorts between the soul and the spirit.  What I hear from you is that your soulish man has taken over with negative thoughts and feelings.  It has then sent notice to your body to carry the burden of all of this.  In addition, you sent notification to your spirit that Anger must abide there.

So what you have is a "heart condition", and medications that directly affect your moods and responsiveness to life.  Soon to come are possible gastric and digestive problems if things don't change.

You are speaking death all over yourself for the sake of not having a man in your life.  This has got to change!

In addition, you have apparently received "prophetic Words", but you have declared that those also make you "sick".  So they have been rejected due to the lack of manifestation.  Words from God are always sent when there seems that there is no way for our situation to change.  This is why the Bible declares in Proverbs that words spoken in "due season" (meaning at the time when they are needed most) are like golden apples in a setting of silver.  I would hate for you to receive a $10,000 check in the mail, but have you return it to sender, because you are too broke and mad to cash it!

Listen sis, you got to shake yourself loose from this death trap you have set for your spirit, soul and body.  Your mind cannot continue to hold all of this tension, regret, bitterness, anxiety, etc. without doing something about it.  Your emotions will allow the doom of your present circumstances to keep you from your future hope.  Your body will internalize all of this "sickness", send it to various locations of your body and you will soon end up with various tumors, breast cancer, lupus, psychological breakdowns, migraines, heart attacks, etc.

The first thing you must do is stop saying "sick and tired".  This is a direct diagnosis for defeat.  You begin by not saying that you are "sick of being sick and tired".  All you have done is doubly diagnosed yourself with death.  Read Psalm 118:17 where it declares, "I shall ive and not die to declare the works of the Lord."  If there is a husband on the way, you got to live to meet him, and then be healthy enough to enjoy what you receive!  

Right after that, Psalm 118:18 says, "the Lord has disciplined me severely, but has not given me over to death."  I honestly believe that how we respond to the Lord shows how we would also respond to our future mate.  Do you not think you will have to wait for things with a man?  Haven't you had to ride out a storm in a relaitonship?  Why should waiting to be married be any different?  This is the best time in your life to get ready for a relationship!  You may never get a chance again to be able to invest in your children and self, without your attention being pulled to yet another person.  You are neglecting you right now, so how would you be able to help a man!  Remember we are called to be helpers, so it won't be all about him hooking you up!

Ok, next you must repent of anger and bitterness!  I hear it in every sentence.  Let's let it go, before it won't let go of you.  Don't let it snatch your life, because it will!

Next, I want you to read Like 21:19.  The KJV says, "in your patience, possess your SOUL."  The NASB translation says, " by your endurance you will gain your life."  I need you to hold on to your emotions, mind and will.  I need you to endure!  As your sister in Christ, I pray that you will not faint.  In addition and even more substantial, the Lord Jesus Christ is interceding for you at the right hand of God!  He is right in God's face about your life, your children, and your desire for a mate.  But He is a God of order.  Get you together so you will have something and someone to offer.  He has put his Holy Spirit in you as a comforter.... which is what you need right now in your spirit, more so than a masculine comforter for your flesh.

Get healed, get whole, get healthy... then worry about getting married!  At the end of it all, you can live up to your name!

your sis, who is also single, Theresa McFaddin

[David Dupree]

Sorry to be weighing in on this one so late in the game, but I hope that I can still be of some assistance here.  

First let me address something semi-approached by ChristianThought:  
   Although I do have a wife now to go home to (Thank God!), I was an unmarried brother for 40 years.  I was unmarried for many many many more years than I have been married.

  Therefore, don't despise the answer or vision by the appearance of the sign.  Of course, that statement has a twofold purpose.  First, don't dismiss sound advice just because you may assume that someone can't relate to where you are.  Unless you know the story, then don't judge the book by the cover.  And then sometimes, you may think you knew the story, but you didn't know that the end had been re-written or that some chapters had been left out.  
  Second, we often wish for the answer to come in the form that we wish as opposed to the method God chooses to send it in.   Just learn to hear God's voice.  Be open to the Holy Spirit.  Consider the story of Balaam and his ass (well that is what the donkey is called in the KJV).  Balaam didn't want to hear God so God let the ass speak.  
  Sometimes while hearing from God, we don't want to hear God, so God has to let an ass speak.

CrownJewel, when someone brings up the issue of your singlehood, you should rejoice and be exceedingly glad.  Single means whole.  And there is a tremendous amount of unmarried folks out there who are not whole, i.e. single.  Being called single is a badge of honor.  Wear it well.  John in his 3rd letter said, "Beloved I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospereth."

How is your soul prospering? Is it tired too? Well take a note from David and remember that "He restoreth my soul."

I pray even now that ever area of your being be in health whether it be physical, financial, emotional, spiritual, social, familial, psychological, etc. I pray that those areas of your life with holes and imperfections be filled and covered by the blood of Jesus and you made whole and complete in Him.

Matthew 6:22 reminds us that "the light of the body is the eye, therefore if thine eye be single, the whole body is full of light."

In brief, what this means is that if you have a single vision-keeping your eyes on Jesus, then the rest of your body, your being, will be focused on Jesus and radiate Him-the Light of the world.  
The old hymnologist wrote, "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."  

Remember, Peter's vision strayed and he sank in more than just water, and this was after he cried out oh master save me. He sank in defiance.  He sank in disobedience.  He sank in denial.

When do we learn our lesson?  If you have the "greater is He in you," there comes a time where the weak have to say "I am strong."  You don't need a revelation to do that.  There has to be something that stands up in you at some point.  You have the power.  Appropriate the power in the name of Jesus.  
I remember hearing a prophetic word this year saying that God was no longer going to do for His people what they can do for themselves.  In the words of Booker T. or was it Dubois who advocated pulling one'sself "up by the bootstrap?"  

After King David's baby died and after he had mourned, he had to encourage himself.  He pulled himself up and remembered that he had a charge to keep and a God to glorify.  

Come on, pull yourself together and encourage yourself, even if it means rereading all these notes over and over again.  Encorage yourself in the Lord.    

dd