Dying Marriage

[MrD]

Hello, I am writing because my marriage is slowly. This has been going on for 27 years. My wife has bent over backwards for me all these years. And I have been taking her love and really not giving it back. Oh i do things for her, I run errands for her, I fold the towels, i put the dishes in the dishwasher, and take them out. I keep the yard mowed, I take out the garbage, things like that. But I know that is not enough. She is fed up with me, because durring those years she has had to do everything in the house, the repairs, the cleaning, painting and such. Where I have sit on my tail and now do these things. Because we can't seem to work together without a argument. Now we hardly talk, and when we do I can hear the anger in her voice. i really feel terrible for how I treated her and I don't know if we can reconcile this time. Her whole attitude has changed toward me to almost a hate. I have oprayed that the Lord would intervene in this and change our heart toward each other. And I am believing that way. However, I still am in a quantry as to what to do to please her. I know there are thing around the house to do, but i am afraid to touch anything because they are mostly things that she needs to go through, and if I do anything with them she gets upset. She is very controlling with me, I am scared of her, and especially her temper. She gets mad and starts screaming and me and then she refuses to talk to me for some times a week or longer. and i just don't yell back I just sulk. Right now we are just sleeping in the same bed there is no intimacy what so ever. If I tlk to her she has this anger in her voice. Please pray for us.!

[David Dupree]

MrD, 

I believe you and your wife will survive this hurdle.  But you do have to stop doing and start becoming!  In other words, it is not the acts that make the marriage balanced.  It is not the equality of responsibility.  But it goes back to the sharing of hearts and of one another.  That is where you are not. 

Are you acting on any of the responses that you have gotten to your other posts?  Come on, get off the bench and get into the game.  You can't just run up and down the court.  You need to know some rules etc.  You don't cut the grass because it is expected.  You cut the grass because it is long.  You don't wash the dishes because it is expected, you wash the dishes because they are dirty.

What about counseling(spiritual and/or secular)?  What about marital enrichment group?  What about self-help--books, tv shows, relationship videos. 

You will not improve the situation by closing up.  You are not a responder!  You have to take the lead. 

Go back and read every thread where you have posted.  And then read some that you haven't....such as "Steps to Loving and Being Loved" in the catch of the day section. 

I may have commented before on this, but your post contains a lot of I, I, I.  I hope that is not an indication of selfishness on your part.  I urge you again to reread my previous response to you where I talk about men as givers and women as receivers. 

In the meantime I will continue to be in prayer concerning the pleasant survival of your marriage..that it will be a marriage indeed and not just in name.  God bless you!

ddupree