Is This a Phase or Pattern?

[Novelist]

Does bad relationships define that I am not good at attaining good relationships?  What about my relation to men?  Most of the time, I cannot recall having a good relationship or friendship with someone; partcularly men, it resulted in intimacy most times.  Looking at myself, I think that I am not valuing myself because out of all my times of dating, it went downhill and from there, my social life with others has been inconsistent.  Does it mean that I have a serious problem and will need to seek help?  Of course, I have good sense, yet I am lacking something in the way I relate to people and I find myself hiding imperfections, wanting them to like me.  I know that I have to be who I am with faults and all, but it is hard sometimes because no one seem to gravitate to me the way I would like. 

[tanya72]

no bad relationships does not define a pattern nor the person. my spiritual counselor suggest that you make a must have/do list with 5 things that are not negotiable... either the man is that or has it that you desire no exceptions....when you compromise and accept lower than your standards thats where the problems start....Also I cannot stress the importance of abstaining from intimacy and sexual relations.....starving the flesh in this area, opens your eyes and heart to get to know someone on a deeper level that does not have lust lurking around....always 1st,.love and care for yourself. be yourself, stop wearing the mask around people, allow them to see and know you and either accept you or reject you but never change you......  also dont spend alot of time with single friends crying woes is me, I dont have anyone. this creates an atmoshphere of desperation. cause you dont want to cry the same song.

Hope these words worked for ya!

[Novelist]

You answered some of my questions, but I can accept that bad relationships does not define the individual.  I was stating my relationships with men as an example because I never had the male companion that I could just be friends with and if there were any sparks, we can take it to that level at the appropriate time.  Thus far, my love life has been a complete mess.  I consider this a pattern in my life because I have worn the fabric of many things and I am not happy with the results.  Friendships are okay as far as female friends, but that is also sticky at times too.  I feel like I am going to be on my own for a while.  Truthfully, I went through some phases, however, there are some things that are developed because of habits and being pleasured by things that are not good for me.  The question is, "What to do about this and do you suggest anything new to handle this issue?"

[Beanie3]

Ya know, I can kinda relate to Novelist. I've had some relationships (friendships) with women end. I began to wonder if it was me, or what. I honestly took a look and thought back, some things were my fault other things were not. But I don't think I'm a bad friend because I have so many great friendships with men and women. So, I dunno Novelist. I love doing a self examination, but those are only effective if you're willing to be honest. 

[David Dupree]

When you finished 1st grade, you get promoted to 2nd.  You don't stay in 1st grade unless you don't learn what you are supposed to learn. 

Some friendships are like school.  As the email says that has gone around the world a few times--- some people come into your life for
                                 a   reason
                                 a   season
                                 a   lifetime.

And some friendships are like that.  You just move past them.  You graduate.  You get promoted.   Sometimes you keep them as friends.  Sometimes the friendship must end cause otherwise the person may not move on.  :-)  Change and progress will take you out of your comfort zone. 

As the old folks would say though, "don't put a question mark where God puts a period." 

Just because a season for a friendship is over does not make you a bad friend.  Just accept what God allows and move on.  Maybe the next friend can seed into your life further and propel you deeper into your purpose.  But don't beat yourself up about that.  When God controls your life, you can say "my times are in His hands."  And be content in the state you find yourself. 

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