Relationship Hardships!!!

[Novelist]

I feel neglected, abandoned, just tired of not having success relationships.  This is not the beginning of my relationship troubles.  It begins with God.  My relationship with God is not strong enough, but I am working on myself right now.  Other than my relationship with him, my family, friends, and relationships with men are especially tainted.  For so long I did not experience a good relationship with men because I was full of residue and currently getting rid of residue from past hurts and wounds.  Right now, my life is on hold because of hardships with myself.  I am trying to get myself together before encountering another relationship.  What can I do to help myself get stronger so that my next relationship can be strong as well?  

Maintaining relationships are hurdles that I have not mastered due to my insecurities, doubts, and stresses.  I will not and cannot concentrate on relationships with men because I do not feel comfortable with being myself.  Is that a bad thing?  I do not want to blame this on my biological parents, but since I did not build long term relationships with them, other relationships I encounter become sour and powerless.  I am not proud of that because I am getting to that point where I want to be stronger and know how to maintain the people in my life.

[ethereal]

Nov,

"getting comfortable" with one's self is paramount to ANY successful relationship, even with God. We have to get honest with our sin before we can allow Him onto our lives. As for preparing for your "next" relationship, all I can really say is take the time to allow God to work out all of your individual kinks. I say "individual" b/c there are some kinks that only come as a result of actually BEING in a relationship. You are going to have to start really loving who you are, realizing that God made you and subsequently saved you, making you the King's daughter. Take heart Nov, it will all work out.

[Tamar]

Hello Novelist,

I was once in the same predicament that you are currently in.  I found myself in relationship after relationship, finding love in all the wrong places be it with men or with women.  I always tried to justify the relationships by saying, "at least they love me", in all actuality, they did not.  They just loved what I had to give them.  I eventually got tired of giving myself to all of these people and realized that the only Being that was going to appreciate what I had to give was God.  I then realized that in order for me to be in a strong relationship with a mate, I had to first, strengthen my relationship with God.  

I recommitted my life to God and everything started getting better.  He showed me things about myself that I did not know, well I knew but I did not want to accept them.  I finally realized where my problems stemmed.  I was molested as a child by my birth father and had been harboring hatred in my heart towards him and towards my mother, because she did not do anything to help me. I finally confronted my father and let him know that what he did to me was not right and I let him know how it made me feel.  He in turn apologized for what he did.  I forgave him and he forgave me for hating him.  I then had to approach my mother with the same forgiveness.  I hated her more than I hated my father.  After we discussed our issues with each other, we forgave one another.  Things are not the best between my mother and I, but they are getting better. (Thank God)  I realized that if God could forgive me for all of the ways that I hurt and abandoned Him, I had no reason not to forgive my parents.  It was not until I strengthened my relationship with God that all of the revelations began to surface.

 After I reunited with God and reconciled with my parents, God really began to do a new and wonderful work in my life.  I began to Love God and love myself even more and then I was able to love someone else.  It is not until you are in love with God, that He will send you your mate.  The process that I went through was a long one, but it was worth it.  I often felt lonely, but I realized that I was never alone.  God was always with me.  Holding me when I was crying and when I was cold.  I am forever grateful, because I had someone to run to, someone who loved me just as I loved HIM.  God eventually sent me my Boaz. He kept the door close until I was prepared and once I was prepared, God opened the door and my FUTURE walked through. Once you are prepared to lie down at the threshing floor as Ruth did, God will send you your Boaz as well.

God Bless You