Tired of Waiting

[mskya]

I dont have much to say regarding jealousy. however i have been single for 2o years now and i am tired of it...i want a mate i need some encouragement in waiting for a mate someone help a sista out....please....

[Novelist]

Mskya,

I can feel your words with impatience, wondering when the man of your heart will arrive.  I am going through the same battle, maybe not as long as 20 years, but I have been dateless for at least 3-4 years, yet it feels longer.  I get tired too.  Patience is difficult after time has gone by.  I want you to know that I identify with you in this because it is not easy.  At times we want to give up and surrender into our sorrows.  Truthfully, it is not going to happen the way we planned because God obviously has a better plan for you.  Believe me, I am a witness to this waiting process and it could get ugly.  Know that you are waiting for a period of time to get yourself together.  Answer this: Will having a mate make your life easier and happier?  This is something I have to ask myself as well because if I place all of my desires in man, I will be disappointed at times and it hurts.  Do you go out on dates or have male friends?  What are your personal interests?  How productive do you spend your time doing things that are suitable for you?  Are you involved in a group or ministry or have friends to encourage you? 

All of this may be overwhelming for you and I understand your frustration.  Simply, take this one day at a time.  Go along the journey of healing, finding peace, looking at the qualities that you have as a woman.  Do you feel beautiful inside and out?  Are you content with your features on your face?  What is causing you to focus on a relationship only?  What about God?  Again, these are questions I am asking myself as well because I have been guilty of placing others before him and wanting a relationship when all I need is God.  When the man of your life comes into your life, God is still first.  He is your last, your everything.  Pray to God for strength.  I know it is hard because I am there too.  Sometimes, there are good and bad days, but I have to keep going, continue to love myself and be whole until the time comes for me to experience falling in love again.  Here, I want you to read this and actually it derived from deep waters and I know this would be a good passage for you to read.  I hope this will encourage you along the journey.  Be Blessed.

Novelist.

The Life of Singleness

One of the reasons God allows you to wait is to protect you. Psalm 84:11 says that God will not withhold any good thing from you if you walk uprightly. The problem is that we often take it upon ourselves to determine what is good instead of allowing God to determine what is good. (Can all the people who have experienced messed up relationships say 'Amen!') We can look at and listen to a person, but God is the only One who can look into a person. He looks at the heart. If you believe what God has said, then you have two responsibilities according to this verse: first, trust Him to not only determine what is good for you, but also to trust that God is not keeping something (or someone, as the case may be) from you that is good. Secondly, if God's got the "good thing" covered, your focus needs to be on walking uprightly. That means having a commitment to doing things God's way... and then doing it. As the old song says, "trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy..." "He that finds a wife finds a good thing..." If you don't have your "good thing" yet, it's either because you're not walking uprightly or it's not good for you at this time.

Another reason God allows you to wait is to prepare you. Jeremiah 29:11 is life changing because it talks about God having a plan for your life. He's made plans for your future and He has an end result in mind. And it's all good! His plans are to give you a future and hope: the very things that a lot of people who are waiting don't feel like they have. Everything that God is allowing in your life right now is preparation for what He has in store ahead... EVERYTHING-- even the bad, painful, uncomfortable, irritating, etc. things.  If God is allowing it, He's working it into His plan for your good. When it comes to marriage, marriage is ministry: it's what you do in service for God for the benefit of others. Any ministry that God calls you to, He prepares you for. His plan for us is not something He hides from us. While you're waiting, you should be discovering His plan and purpose for your life. Marriage is not the end: it's a means to an end. The end is your purpose. God did not bring Eve to Adam until Adam knew what he was supposed to be doing in the garden and was busy doing it. He could refer to her as his helper because he was already doing something. (You don't need help to do nothing.) Sometimes we're not ready for what God has for us. Sometimes what God has for us is not ready. But when all is ready, He'll bring you into it with ease.

A third reason God allows you to wait is to perfect you. James 1:4 talks about allowing patience to have its perfect work so that you can be complete/mature, entire/whole lacking nothing. A lot of people who are not in relationship feel they are lacking, but God has you waiting so that you won't be lacking anything. Marriage is like a mirror: God will use your spouse to reflect what's in you and vice versa. In marriage you see things about yourself and each other that you may not like. We all have "stuff"--every last one of us. Your wait time is a season that God will use to work on you. As I tell my friends, the stuff you know about that's in your life right now (e.g. selfishness, fear, insecurity, jealousy, impatience, unforgiveness, anger, and so on, and so on...) work on those issues now. Forget the Jerry McGuire "you complete me" line. That's for the movies. No human being on this earth can complete you. You must find your wholeness and sense of completeness in the Lord; you are complete in Him (and in Him alone). To enter a relationship with any expectation of completing another human being or having another human being complete you is to disillusion yourself and set yourself up for major disappointment. Another person may complement you, but not complete you. This is not to say that you need to be perfect (i.e. without flaw) before entering into relationship, but I'd rather carry a cosmetic/toilet bag into a relationship than a whole steamer trunk full of issues. Wouldn't you? Think about it: when you're married, you've got your issues and hers to deal with. Minimize your risk. A lot of us have some growing up to do. Now's the ideal time.

Lastly, God allows you to wait so that He can pace you. The theme verse of my book is in Habakuk 2:3 and it speaks of the vision being for an appointed time. It might take a while (i.e. "tarry") to be fulfilled, but it will be fulfilled. And the way I understand that verse to translate both in language and in practice is that once things start moving, they move quickly. My wait was thirteen years (in large part because I had to learn these things that I'm sharing with you now). But when my "appointed" time came... my head still spins when I think of how quickly things developed! That word 'appointed' speaks of a set, scheduled time. God has set a specific time to bless you. Like another old song says, you can't hurry God; you just have to wait. And why the wait, see reasons 1-3 above. Don't try to outrun God: match His pace. Do what you need to do (i.e. walk uprightly, discover and get busy fulfilling His plan and purpose for your life, allow God to reveal and help you work through your "stuff"). That is how you match His pace. Don't waste your time trying to overtake your blessings. At the appointed time, your blessings will overtake you.

[Gracious]

Novelist, you are sooooooo precious and I thank GOD for ya'  (OOOh Chile...to DEEP to get under!!!)

Dear Mskya:

I had to respond to this one...because I've encountered an plethora of folk ...struggling similiarly...this week alone!!!

To all ya'll, I say with the deepest affection...

"There are no antidotes..."

Here's my meaning...

Now picture a chuuuurch service...and da' pastor's preachin' on Single - Sanctified & Whatever 

...and to prove his point about break- throughs, he hoops... "Touch three people and say to each of 'um ...Are you the one" and then he rears back with a shout (like da' Lawd done told him to do what he just did )  nope NO antidotes...not even among "Certain CHUUUUURCH FOLK"

An aside:
Now, I live to serve, especially in da' CHUUURCH...jus' like any other "good" Christian Chile...but... I don't go to find my pot of gold there...

NO...I go to WORSHIP "HIM"...my LORD...my SAVIOUR...my MASTER...and "HE" releases me from the burdens of my wants...AMEN?

I don't keep a tally or score card regarding what "I" may think are sacrifices...so that I can blasphemously, throw them before the LORD when I feel a GOOD "pity-party" cummin'-on...AMEN? (i.e. Lawd I'm tired - lonely - etc.)

And "YES" beloved...(and I say this with a "true-friend" kinda' LOVE), that is exactly what your doing 

******

...nope...neither potions...nor sure-things...of THIS world... will prance Mr. RIGHTEOUS your way.

THERE IS ONLY GOD...IN THREE PERSONS!!! Amen?

And HE wants only HIS best for you.

GET BUSY...GIRLFRIEND...AND...STOP PLACING YOUR VALUE ON WHAT "YOU" SAY YOU NEED...Or ON WHAT YOUR EYES & ARMS TELL YOU YOU DON'T HAVE!!!

HIS ways are NOT...NOT...NOT our ways...neither are HIS thoughts...Thank ya' HOLY GHOST!!!

There is a song by Hezekiah Walker entitled:[/color]

"The WILL of GOD" (which speaks directly to this circumstance:

There are soooo many things about the will of GOD...

The things "we" don't understand, that seems to be sooo hard...

"We" try to do the things, the "we" think are right...

But each time that "we" do...only leads us further from the LIGHT...

But if "we" could learn to accept, the things "we" cannot change...

And NEVER question GOD, for "we'll" never know HIS WAYS...

"We" must accept... the WILL of GOD...
And "we" must never try, to tell HIM how...
To order our lives...HE has a plan in mind!!!

He's the ONE who made us ... created us...and HE knows what's best for us...

HIS WILL is GOOD...it is ACCEPTABLE...AND IT"S PERFECT!!!

*****

[/color]


MAY THE LORD-GOD BLESS YA' REEEEAAAALLLL GOOD !!! 


Gracious[/color]

[David Dupree]

Dear Mskya,

I would like to briefly add to what my sisters have posted.  You must be aware that the enemy would love for you to abort your purpose, promise and destiny.  he does that by placing distractions in your life and in your way.  Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to stay on point!  When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord has to stand up in you as the standard against him.  And of course the greatest distraction attack of the enemy is not from without, but from within--as they say...the enemy in-a me.

Too often we misinterpret the verse.."No good thing will He withhold from those who walk upright..." to suggest that we should grab what seems to be a good thing cause we been living good and holy for a whole year now.     Sure, God will allow you to grab many a good thing...but is it just a good thing or is it also a God thing?  All too often we petition God to sanction what seemed to be a good choice, but was not a God choice. 

My sister, you must walk by faith...no matter how long it takes and trust that God knows what's best for you and has you in His mind. He is working it out for your good.

Last point.  Be careful of what you ask for...you might just get it.  You say that you want a mate.  That is scary!  You should want your mate; not just a mate. :-) 

It is not a scripture, but it is surely true:  Haste makes waste.

I pray that God provides you with the necessary patience to keep your wait from being a weight.  I pray that you focus on God and His purpose for you and move into it as He directs. 


ddupree