how do i wait happily for a mate

[mskya]

i am simply tired of being single have been single since a divorce in 1985 every relationship i became involved in since then has been painful..i really need some encouragement to wait on God....

[Forum Administrator]

Hello mskya. Welcome to Deep Waters. I understand your feeling and position. It was thirteen years after the end of my first marriage before God blessed me with a mate. I remember very vividly times of anxiety and discouragement. As a matter of fact, one of the scriptures I used to pray when I became discouraged was "hope deferred makes the heart grow sick." (Proverbs 13:12). Sometimes, that is exactly how I felt: sick at heart and sick of waiting!   

What I came to understand was that there was some healing, growth and focus that needed to take place in my life before God would allow me to enter into the relationship of His choosing. Allow me to share with you a portion of my response to the post The Life of Singleness:

I have discovered four reasons why God allows us to wait. It seems that this has become somewhat of a mantra for me wherever I go. Because the truth of the matter is that a LOT of people are struggling with "wait" issues. Hopefully, this will shed some light on your perspective.

One of the reasons God allows you to wait is to protect you. Psalm 84:11 says that God will not withhold any good thing from you if you walk uprightly. The problem is that we often take it upon ourselves to determine what is good instead of allowing God to determine what is good. (Can all the people who have experienced messed up relationships say 'Amen!') We can look at and listen to a person, but God is the only One who can look into a person. He looks at the heart. If you believe what God has said, then you have two responsibilities according to this verse: first, trust Him to not only determine what is good for you, but also to trust that God is not keeping something (or someone, as the case may be) from you that is good. Secondly, if God's got the "good thing" covered, your focus needs to be on walking uprightly. That means having a commitment to doing things God's way... and then doing it. As the old song says, "trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy..." "He that finds a wife finds a good thing..." If you don't have your "good thing" yet, it's either because you're not walking uprightly or it's not good for you at this time.

Another reason God allows you to wait is to prepare you. Jeremiah 29:11 is life changing because it talks about God having a plan for your life. He's made plans for your future and He has an end result in mind. And it's all good! His plans are to give you a future and hope: the very things that a lot of people who are waiting don't feel like they have. Everything that God is allowing in your life right now is preparation for what He has in store ahead... EVERYTHING--even the bad, painful, uncomfortable, irritating, etc. things. If God is allowing it, He's working it into His plan for your good. When it comes to marriage, marriage is ministry: it's what you do in service for God for the benefit of others. Any ministry that God calls you to, He prepares you for. His plan for us is not something He hides from us. While you're waiting, you should be discovering His plan and purpose for your life. Marriage is not the end: it's a means to an end. The end is your purpose. God did not bring Eve to Adam until Adam knew what he was supposed to be doing in the garden and was busy doing it. He could refer to her as his helper because he was already doing something. (You don't need help to do nothing.) Sometimes we're not ready for what God has for us. Sometimes what God has for us is not ready. But when all is ready, He'll bring you into it with ease.

A third reason God allows you to wait is to perfect you. James 1:4 talks about allowing patience to have its perfect work so that you can be complete/mature, entire/whole lacking nothing. A lot of people who are not in relationship feel they are lacking, but God has you waiting so that you won't be lacking anything. Marriage is like a mirror: God will use your spouse to reflect what's in you and vice versa. In marriage you see things about yourself and each other that you may not like. We all have "stuff"--every last one of us. Your wait time is a season that God will use to work on you. As I tell my friends, the stuff you know about that's in your life right now (e.g. selfishness, fear, insecurity, jealousy, impatience, unforgiveness, anger, and so on, and so on...) work on those issues now. Forget the Jerry McGuire "you complete me" line. That's for the movies. No human being on this earth can complete you. You must find your wholeness and sense of completeness in the Lord; you are complete in Him (and in Him alone). To enter a relationship with any expectation of completing another human being or having another human being complete you is to disillusion yourself and set yourself up for major disappointment. Another person may complement you, but not complete you. This is not to say that you need to be perfect (i.e. without flaw) before entering into relationship, but I'd rather carry a cosmetic/toilet bag into a relationship than a whole steamer trunk full of issues. Wouldn't you? Think about it: when you're married, you've got your issues and hers to deal with. Minimize your risk. A lot of us have some growing up to do. Now's the ideal time.

Lastly, God allows you to wait so that He can pace you. The theme verse of my book is in Habakuk 2:3 and it speaks of the vision being for an appointed time. It might take a while (i.e. "tarry") to be fulfilled, but it will be fulfilled. And the way I understand that verse to translate both in language and in practice is that once things start moving, they move quickly. My wait was thirteen years (in large part because I had to learn these things that I'm sharing with you now). But when my "appointed" time came... my head still spins when I think of how quickly things developed! That word 'appointed' speaks of a set, scheduled time. God has set a specific time to bless you. Like another old song says, you can't hurry God; you just have to wait. And why the wait, see reasons 1-3 above. Don't try to outrun God: match His pace. Do what you need to do (i.e. walk uprightly, discover and get busy fulfilling His plan and purpose for your life, allow God to reveal and help you work through your "stuff"). That is how you match His pace. Don't waste your time trying to overtake your blessings. At the appointed time, your blessings will overtake you.

There is one lesson that God is teaching all of us and it comes in various forms. That lesson is trust. God wants you to trust Him. He wants you to know and believe that He desires and plans to give you the very best. In every aspect of your life, whether you are in relationship, waiting to be in one, or out of one, God is teaching you to trust Him.

I believe my book, Though The Vision Tarry: Waiting For My Promised Mate will greatly encourage you. In it, I share my story of my first marriage, my divorce and lengthy separation, God's promise to me of a husband, His fulfillment of that promise, and all the lessons I learned about waiting on God and His faithfulness. Also, I would encourage you to keep reading through this forum. You will find a wealth of encouragement here, even right here in the Singles' category. You're not alone and there are plenty people here who can relate to where you are. 

[mskya]

thanks so much for the encouragement how do i get a copy of your book i need it nowwwwwwwww....thank u....

[Forum Administrator]

You're welcome.  You can purchase the book online at www.dathea.com/vision. I just remembered, there's still a promotional offer on the book in Deep Waters. Check out the Heaven1580 Book Bytes Special in the Live Bait section. You'll get a signed copy of the book at a reduced rate. 

[mskya]

thanks i found it earlier on amazon and already purchased it...was just desperate cant wait to get it. again thanks...

[Forum Administrator]

Now, see how you would have gotten the best option if you'd just waited? 

[mskya]

i know pray for me i have no patience but at least I will get to read it and learn how to wait....I am sure God has someone wonderful for me...just where is he God???

[Forum Administrator]

That is precisely why are in a position where you are waiting. How else will you learn patience? 

Patience must finish its work so that you can be mature, and whole/complete lacking no good thing. (James 1:4)

Praying. You're going to be just fine. 

[mskya]

i have begun reading your book was in tears just in the wait section at the beginning..it has tremendously blessed and encouraged me already..i am feeling ok about my wait..for as you said God would not make me wait for something that is not worth it...all I can say is thank u thank u for informing me about the book....love u...keep praying for me.