Sister tried to commit suicide

[pressingon]

I don't if this is the right place to post...but I just need some saints who can be in prayer with me and maybe able to offer me some words of wisdom.  My younger sister (almost 19) tried to commit suicide yesterday.  She's living a lesbian lifestyle and is very open about it.  She knows it goes against God's word and attends church every now and then but has not given that sin over to God. 

Just to give you some background, She was raised by my mom and her dad.  And I was raised by my grandparents.  My mom and her dad were drug users and her dad molested me.  I know its a possibiity that he has molested her too.  I told my mom when it was happening to me but she refused to believe me and said that I just didn't want her to be happy with her new husband.  At that time my sister was a baby.  After my mom betrayed me I called my grandpa and asked to move with them...they never asked any questions.  They spoke with my mom and on I went.

I carry some guilt for not telling anyone else and if it turns out that this happened to her I will have to find a way to forgive myself.  Although I was young around 9 at the time...I wish I would have brought it back up later in order to protect my sister.  I always watched for signs of abuse.  And she didn't seem to show any signs.  But when she came out about being homosexual at around 16 it made me wonder.  I haven't in all this time been able to bring it up I think because of the shame I have for not protecting her.  I got myself to safety and then Its like I abandoned her.  I have told my grandma about the abuse.  When my grandpa passed away I was 21 because she asked what made me make that phone call that night.

About 3 years ago I finally confronted my mom again when she went on about why I don't like her husband.  She denied me telling her and we had words.  A week or so later she came and apologized to me for allowing it to happen and for everything that its caused to happen in my life since then.  We've never discussed it again. 

I asked my mom last night if she ever confronted her husband with whether or not he abused my sister.  She said she didn't think he did    Of course you wouldn't think that....Anyway, I told her she needs to talk to my sister and find out.  She said she will today while they are alone at the hospital.

I was only able to speak to my sister briefly yesterday. I told her that there is nothing so bad that she can do that the Lord will not forgive and that she can go to him and He is waiting and willing to forgive her and help her through what she's going through.

What should I say to her?  I'm fasting, praying and reading God's word.  I have a peace that truly surpasses my understanding.  And I believe God is showing me that its time to uncover all the dark secrets that have been kept under the rug for so long.  I know that my mother will probably be angry with me for a while but it needs to be done. 

I guess I just needed to get this all out somewhere and didnt' really know where....Please keep my family in your prayers.

Thanks Pressingon

[Forum Administrator]

Hi pressingon. I will certainly be praying for your family and ask that all of those who read this post also fervently pray. One thing that I have learned during the counseling process is that you cannot take responsibility for another person's actions. You can provide information and encouragement to try to help bring hope and a clearer perspective, but hope is something that a person has to grasp onto for his/herself.

Let your sister know that you love her and that this world will not be the same without her in it. Continue to encourage her as you're doing that she is not without hope. Use whatever means and methods that are available to you to encourage her to live. Use music, a universal language that can minister to her soul and spirit. Focus on songs that speak about hope, healing and encouragement. If you do not have anything suitable, contact me via private message or email (administrator@deepwaters.info).

Your sister attempted suicide because she cannot find a reason to hope. Let her know that she is not alone and that she is not without help. Let her know that God loves her no matter what she's done and He will help her if she allows/asks Him to. If you have opportunity, pray with her that she will experience the love, forgiveness and healing power of God and that He will give her strength that she needs to go on. Listen as often and as much as you have opportunity to. This may or may not be the time to share everything. Follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and use opportunities as they are presented.

Whatever guilt you are feeling over what you did or did not do in the past, it's time to let it go. My article on The Guilt Key in the Catch of the Day section may be helpful to you.

[Patricia Ashley]

DEAR PRESSINGON
  I WILL PRAY THAT GOD WILL TOTALLY HEAL YOUR SISTER AND GIVE YOUR MOM THE COURAGE TO CONFRONT HER HUSBAND.
YOU MUST KNOW THAT PART OF THE FALLOUT FROM WHAT YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED IS THE DEFILEMENT, THE GUILT AND RESPONSIBILITY OF NOT PROTECTING YOUR SISTER. AS A RESULT OF THE SHAME (THAT CAME FROM BEING DEFILED) YOU SHUT DOWN AND BLOCKED OUT IN ORDER TO SURVIVE WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. THERE IS ENOUGH BLAME TO GO AROUND. BLAME AND GUILT WILL KEEP YOU LIVING IN THE VICIOUS CIRCLE OF "WHAT IF" OR "IF ONLY." THIS WILL ONLY HINDER THE PROCESS OF HEALING AND WHOLENESS. FORGIVE YOURSELF, GOD, YOUR STEPFATHER, YOUR MOM, AND ANYONE ELSE THAT YOU FEEL IS RESPONSIBLE.
CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR YOUR SISTER AND GIVE HER HOPE BY LETTING HER KNOW THAT GOD WANTS TO HEAL HER AND THAT HE HAS A BETTER LIFE FOR HER.

Joyfully,
Pat Ashley

[pressingon]

Thanks for the replies..it did something for me to just get all that out.

My mom talked to my sister and she said she's never been abused.  She was mainly upset because of some relationship issues with her lover from college.

It feels good to finally know and be able to put that behind me.  And I have forgiven my mom (who's asked for my forgiveness) and my stepfather (who's never apologized).  That didn't happen overnight but God allowed me to give that situation to Him.  This was sort of the final step.  Finding out if anything happened to my sister.  I'm glad for my sake and her's that it didn't.

My sister stayed in the hospital a few days.  She said she'd spent time in prayer, I prayed with her, and she said she feels encouraged.  She also said she wasn't trying to commit suicide but that she was just up crying all night and took some pills in hopes of getting some sleep.  I invited her to spend last weekend with me and my daughter.  She lives about an hour away.  She said she would like to but when the time came she decided she'd rather stay over a friend's house.  I was disappointed at first but I realize that I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do.  She's almost 19 and all I can do is continue to pray, be an example, and make myself available for her.

Thanks for the prayers.