Family Issues- What a Shame!

[Novelist]

Hello Everyone in the Forum,

Hopefully, I am writing in the right post, but I wanted to point out something that has been perpetuating for a while.  My aunt, whom I love, which is one of my mother's sisters has parenting issues.  Years ago, God delivered her from drug addiction and she has been clean for years, however, she has 6 children, 2 out of wedlock and 4 in marriage.  Moreover, my cousin, which is her son is 13 years old and he has been through a period without his mother when he was born.  Years later, his mother had mended her life together and they had matrimony, not holy, but they were married and had 3 more children following him.  For quite some time, it has taken him some time to get use to our side of the family.  Of course, we expected him to be fearful of us because he was use to his father all the time.  Moreover, after they had established their family life, there were more issues around the corner.  Later, he begin to grow into his own behavior and let's face it, kids will be kids.  However, children have to be disciplined and taught respect and so forth.  My issue with her is that she mistreats him out of all of her children.  For a long time, I never said anything until one day, I became upset and that was the end of it.  She has a real issue with disciplining her children and learning how to love them unconditionally.  I know she loves her children, but when it comes to him, she seem to talk about his bad behavior, his grades in school, his attitude, and get on him about everything.  Rarely does she speak of good things about him.

When it comes to her other children, she allows them to do alot of things.  They fight all the time, do not share, watch tv shows they do not need to watch, and even the 2 youngest kids have used profanity.  She would tell them to stop, but she never did anything about it.  All of her children are on different levels because of age, their individuality, personality, and how they feel about themselves.  I have a problem with this.  At the moment when I told her how I felt about this, we had an outburst and she scolded me badly.  I did not like her for that.  I always had a problem with children or anyone being mistreated.  When I was a child, I did not have 2 parents in the household, but he seem to have 2 parents who do not care for him enough to allow him to do different things that would build his esteem. 

Oftentimes, she does not allow him to do anything on his own, around his age, like hang with his friends or go somewhere without feeling like he can't because his brothers and sisters can't go.  He is older and he should be able to do more than his brothers and sisters.  Not to say that he has the right to do anything he wants, but he should have some space for himself sometimes.  I believe she has a problem with him achieving something and it is not fair.  He is smart, sensible, has potential to do great things and all he hears are negative words coming from her mouth.  Everyone is not perfect, not children, not adults, no matter the age.  I have spent time with him and I know that he has potential to become greater than what he is.  The problem is that his parents are not investing enough time for family and teaching their children how to become better individuals by sharing, caring, and fairness.  If they do something wrong, punish them according to the crime, do not allow them to do what they want.  She is a wonderful person, she is funny, generous, and has a good heart, but when it comes to parenting, she totally has a problem.

There is no perfect parent, but if parents are wrong, they are human too.  She has to come to grips with herself and learn how to love all of her children where they are and not scold them, but teach them through love and sacrifice.  I would have the same reaction if this was happening to another child because these things affect them in the long run.  It is like I can see their pain.  Maybe I am overly sensitive in this subject, but I will not apologize for feeling this way.  For instance, there is a trip to Big Bear coming up in August.  My other aunt has registered her 2 kids and my cousin registered her daughter.  These kids are just as normal as he is, but his mother is not making the effort for him to go and I find it to be an excuse.  She refuses to allow him to go somewhere new and exciting for a change.  Not only because his cousins are going, but he needs to experience new friends, new scenery, learning how to be a team player and socially meeting new ethnicities.  I find this a big problem and if I had the money to send him on this trip, I would do it in a heartbeat.  The trip is only 100.00, but I am not working at the moment.  I guarantee my heart is in the right place.

I say all of this because I want her to realize that he is growing up and he need childhood memories too.  His younger brothers and sister may not be able to go because of their age, but does it give her the right to sabotage him because of what they cannot do?  I don't think so.  I hope and pray that he does not grow up to despise his mother because she has done enough and said enough to make him feel less than.  I pray that God would intervene on his parents and help them to realize that their children have a mind and a heart.  Children do not forget, just like adults.  We hurt over things of our past and carry them into adulthood because no one said I love you or I am proud of you.  It is that simple, but it could ruin someone for a long time.  I hope someone is listening and know that I am compassionate when it comes to this.  Pray for their family.  Thank you for reading.


Novelist.

[pressingon]

I've been in similar circumstances with my extended family.  I just want you to know that I will be praying for you all.

Just continue to stand although you may stand alone and may be attacked.  Just ask the Lord to show you how you may be of help for your cousin.  You may not have the finances to support him.   But the best gift you can give his is Christ if he doesn't already have a relationship with him.  The Lord can bring peace in the midst of any trial.

Stay Encouraged.

Pressingon