I was wondering

[LadyU]

Can God speak to the woman before the man about marriage?

[Forum Administrator]

Hello LadyU. Welcome to Deep Waters.  The simplest answer to your question is, yes, God can speak to the woman before the man about marriage. He's God and He can do whatever He wants to do, how He wants to.

Keep in mind, however, that God does not go against Himself--His character or His word. He does everything with purpose and order. He does not create confusion and there seems to be a lot of confusion amongst women in particular who believe that God has shown them the man they are to marry before the man knows about it. The confusion seems to come when God knows, the woman knows, but the man doesn't know about or acknowledge this "pre-arranged" marriage.

God does not lie and when He says a thing will happen, it will happen. He cannot lie. If God gives anyone a glimpse into the future of His plan, it is not so that the person will become anxious, but because there is something He wants to teach that one about Himself: specifically, trust. God wants us to trust Him above all else. The woman--whether God has spoken to her or not--should have her eyes on God. If she puts her eyes on anything or anyone else, confusion and disappointment are bound to be the result. (The same is true of the man.)

How do you keep your eyes on God? By knowing and believing His word--which is His primary method of speaking to you--and by resting in the assurance that He loves you and desires to give you the very best. 

[David Dupree]

Hi LadyU,

I can't add to what the Forum Administrator has so thoroughly answered.  But can I plug in my two cents and address what you didn't ask and what she didn't answer? 

The problem usually comes because once a person gets a glimpse of the "future," the person runs without getting direction or instruction first.   

In other words, it is one thing to receive a Word, but without an understanding, that Word might be mishandled.  Therefore, if God shows you something like that and He doesn't instruct you with what to do with that knowledge, then you stand still until His will is clear!!

Do as the Forum Administrator said and allow God to build your level of trust in Him.  It will determine what God can trust you with next.  :-)

dd

[gracegirl]

  A dear friend of mine(a believer), I believe, has made a decision so out of God's order that I don't even know how to tell her. I'll make it as short as possible. She joined a Christian dating website met a man(a believer) that she's been chatting with and speaking to over the phone for the past six months and he was local. He moved back to the East Coast, then proposed to her and she said Yes. Here's where it gets sticky.....they've never MET !!!!! They never even went on a date!! I know that God is a god of order and not of confusion but the way she praises this man because of all the "spiritual things" he says to her she's convinced he's the one.  She even wants to fly out there to see him soon. I want to tell her so bad that I think she's being led by her emotions and needs to wait but I wanted to get some sound advice. Should I just tell her straight up? color=Orange][/color]

[David Dupree]

Hi Grace Girl,

So do you tell the blind man to wait until he can see to marry?  I think not..otherwise Stevie and Ray would never have gotten married.  And from all indications their wives were always attractive people. 

It is true that man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.  Maybe these people are trying really hard to act like God. :-) 

Engagement is a time of intents.  It is during this time that one gets to explore facets of his/her intended that haven't been examined before.  Therefore, although we don't wish a breakup on anyone, it could very well happen as they explore deeper concepts in the context of premarital counseling which they should take advantage of.  

So often we get caught up in a Look that we may miss our blessing; our good thang.  So the distance has its benefits.  (I do hope though that they at least traded photos during this time.)

Definitely not the way I would choose for her, but I don't know.  You are definitely closer to the situation and have more information available.  Although I don't have anything against Christian dating websites, I do believe that she should take someone with her to a first meeting just as a manner of precaution.  There are some crazy folks out there and you can't be too careful. 

dd

[gracegirl]

Hi Mr.Dupree,
That's my main concern is that they've only exchanged photos on the site, and like you said there are crazy folks on these websites sometimes. I'm not against Christian Dating Websites and in response to the "blind man" question...of course not, but doesn't scripture say "You know them by there fruits". She only knows him by what he's been telling her over the phone and by email. But how does she know he's for real? I just had Red Flags based on some things she was saying about him. For example, if your wife has an abortion, is that grounds for divorce? Maybe I'm completely wrong but it just all seems out of God's order when it comes to "He that find a wife..." cause she want's to jet out to pursue him.

[Breathedonme]

Hi Grace Girl,

I was listening to this Christian counseling radio program where people call in with their problems and they speak to trained professionals. 

One of the more pressing issues were women (more so women than men) who were hurting and confused because they married without the benefit of getting to know some things.

These professionals hold a pre-marital counseling weekend group and stated that one time they had approximately 100 couples attend and only 50 or less actually married.  How come?  Because simple things were not questioned nor considered.

I agree with your scripture reference.

Someone sent me the following today from Pastor Jamal Bryant.  I hope it can fit here:

Mr. Right " words from Pastor Jamal Bryant

I often warn women who are contemplating marriage to marry someone who can take care of them. When a woman marries, it ought to be to someone who is capable of taking her to the next level . If she comes from poverty, there is no reason for her to get married and still be impoverished. The role of the man is to take her to another place.

When she gets married, she ought to dress better, drive better, live better, and eat better, not constantly be in a struggle over where her next meal is coming from. My grandmother used to say, " I can do bad all by myself"

For a woman desiring a mate, the objective, of course, would be to find a Christian man, who's settled, has goals, accomplishments and a job. But a goal-oriented and focused man can't just be approached any kind of way. So the woman who seeks this type of stability must make sure that he stands out above the crowd:

1. Make sure your relationship with the Lord is strong and growing .

2. Make sure that you are presentable. Working from the inside out, your presentation should be representative of both who you are and whom you seek Appearance is a reflection of how you see yourself.

3. Have the ability to hold an intelligent conversation.

4. And most importantly, allow the Holy Spirit to take control. You don't need to go after him. He's going to come after you, because after he sees and smells you and knows that you're in his presence, he's going to want to know who you are!

I know there's somebody reading this who has been chasing after the "man of your dreams," but God says, "Just sit still and allow patience to have her perfect work through Me."

Furthermore, it's never a good idea to be too forward and too aggressive. Attempting to win a man's affection by jumping into bed with him will only backfire and cause him to lose interest in ever developing a lasting relationship. It causes him to lose respect for you and question your character. However, if he sees that you are dressed with quality, that you smell like you are somebody, that you look like you're doing fine without him, then that will attract the right attention from him. He'll have no choice but to give you his attention. Stop looking so needy, climbing into bed, trying in vain to capture a man's heart .

God woke me up in the middle of the night and said, "The same thing that Naomi told Ruth to do is the same thing that I want them to do for me."

God is so sick of saints coming to Him trying to get a quickie and never romancing Him for Who he is - going to church screaming, shouting and hollering, but hadn't been intimate with God all week long! Stop trying to treat God like a sugar daddy and start romancing Him with worship and
praise:

"I'm yours Lord...everything I've got...everything I'm not!"

The God we serve, which is the God of love, demands and requires of us foreplay before He gives us what we need. In the book of Ruth, the mother-in-law tells Ruth, "You have to wash." John 15:3 reminds us, Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you. When you sit in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, you are taking a shower. When you hear the unadulterated Word of God, then the dirt and grime that you've accumulated all week long begins to wash off of you. Ask God to "create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit." Stand in the word. Then wait upon the Lord to renew your strength.

Pass this on to those who have found or are seeking Mr. Right.