Waiting on God

[MissPoetry]

God has showed me who my husband is to be.  God told me this before this gentleman and I became friends.  I wasn't sure if it was God, but the Lord sent me confirmation of this.  The gentleman began seeking me.  During the past 4 months, we have grown very close.  He intiated the friendship by emailing me.  We began emailing each other everyday, all day.  Then he began calling me everyday on the phone.  He is a member of my church, and therefore, I see him on a pretty regular basis.  To shorten the story, we have gotten extremely fond of each other.  We have strong feelings for one another and a lasting friendship.  He has told me on more than one occasion that he loves me and can't hide his feelings toward me.  I believe this because his actions support it.  He calls me everyday, just to hear my voice;  he wants to see me during the course of the week and he shows affection toward me every time he sees me. 

The root of the problem is that he is in a relationship with someone else.  I have had a disscussion with him on several occasions that our frienship has taken on a different form and that we must step back and evaluate it.  The feelings we have and affection show toward each other is of a nature other than platonic.  We have decided to step back, and he has respected that.  It is difficult for him, but he has honored my wishes. 

We haven't spoken in a week or even seen each other, and we both have made it known that we missed each other deeply.  We decided to meet each other just to spend time with one another.  This is something that has been going on and on for weeks.  We decide to step back, but our love and fondness for each other brings us back together.

I've been trusting God and believing what He told me even before this gentleman said the first hello.  Have I mis-heard God?  Is Satan and his demons deceiving me?  Should I continue trusting God?

I truly love this man and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I want to be in the will of God.  Am I doing the right thing by stepped back and letting it run it's course (God working it out).  Should I cut the friendship off completely?

[faithsaves]

Hello MissPoetry

As I began to read your post, I was very happy for you.  However, when I got to the second paragraph my heart went out to you.  The reason for this is that I just got out of a relationship with a guy that started off being a friendship and he was with someone as well.  The friendship turned into more and like you, I would try to put distance between us but for some reason we keep coming back together.  So of course I thought it was our fate to be together, but 5 years later I've painfully found out that although I thought that this was the man God had for me, it wasn't.  We still communicate because we have a child together, but he is now married to the woman that he was with in the beginning. 

With all of this said, I really want you to see the relationship for what it really is.  I know how it feels to have someone that you feel really cares about you , however he can not give you the total package because he is with someone else.  I can't say to end the friendship because I know it's hard, but you guys really need to talk about his plans with the other person.  You don't want to go in this being second because you may find out later on that you will always be second. 

To answer your question of should you continue trusting God, YES INDEED!!  He is the only person that is going to get you through.  Trust him totally and watch him work.  Fast and pray feverently about this situation and God will reveal to you your next step.   Hope this helps a little.

I will keep you in my prayers!!

faithsaves   

[David Dupree]

Hi Miss Poetry and welcome to DeepWaters

I am not sure of what you are saying was your confirmation that this was to be your husband?  Was it the fact that he began seeking you?  How is that confirmation?

If you weren't sure it was God, then how can you be sure it wasn't the enemy?  You know satan desires to fool the very elect.  He even appears as an angel of light. 

One thing about the enemy...he will take his time in setting you up.  Therefore, be very sure. 

Are you involved with this guy sexually?  I really hope not. 

Do you ever see him in the presence of his girlfriend? Does he show you affection then?

I do believe that you hear from God clearly.  In that regard, yes you should continue to Trust God.  If God is in it then He will bring it to pass.  Of course both persons have to be willing to submit to God's will.  It seems that you are, but what about your friend?  You said that he loves you and has told you so etc., but has he told you that God told him that you were to be his wife?  And even if he doesn't become your husband, you should continue to Trust God.  God has everything in and under control.  You have to trust that He knows what is best for you and the reasons that He may take you down the path that you are on are solely His.  Purpose remains in the mind of God.  You may know your purpose, but that doesn't mean that you know the way you get there.  Trust God! Pro. 3:5-6. 

Again, look at what you are saying:  "We have decided to step back, and he has respected that.  It is difficult for him, but he has honored my wishes. "

That statement does not sound mutual, although you started with "we." After reading that, I wonder if these further comments are also just as one sided: "We haven't spoken in a week or even seen each other, and we both have made it known that we missed each other deeply.  We decided to meet each other just to spend time with one another.  This is something that has been going on and on for weeks.  We decide to step back, but our love and fondness for each other brings us back together."

You should definitely step back.  You should be respectful of the girlfriend's relationship with him as you would want a woman to be respectful of your relationship.  As my mother would say, "you treat people like you want to be treated; and not like how you have been treated."  We pray forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

As the old saying goes, if you love something then let it go. 

Then also you should be wary of someone who will cheat on his woman with you.  The old folks say that a dog will take a bone and carry a bone. (or something like that hahaha) Is that the kind of person that is your ideal husband?

dd

[Shulamitegrl]

I would agree with everyone Miss Poetry. God does not tease us. He would not put your blessing before you and say "now figure out how to get him away from this other relationship..."  What would be the point in that kind of DRAMA? God does not promote confusion, nor does He agree with "love triangles"...

Slowing down and backing off is a very good idea. Emotions are very tricky.[/b] Even scripture tells us that our heart is deceitfully wicked and that we can't even know our OWN intentions.  Cool down time is needed in order to see clearly.

I am learning a major lesson regarding waiting on God. His timing is perfect. When we rush ahead, our feelings demanding satisfaction, even IF it's what God would have for us, we often make a huge mess of it, because we couldn't WAIT on God to set it up HIS WAY. Be careful of getting so caught up on what you want until you cannot discern the Lover of your soul's voice from the voice of the enemy or the voice of you emotions. Don't run ahead of God, He's just trying to prepare the best for his daughter. He loves you more than any man ever could. Stay encouraged![/color]

[MissPoetry]

To the Forum,

First I would like to say thank you for your input and wisdom.  I am now going to use MORE Godly wisdom in this matter. 

What hurts the most is not hearing God clearly.  Or I should say, that I heard God, but ran with it the way I wanted to.  God is trying to speak to me in a different way, and I'm trying to hear Him clearly.  Please pray with me that God will reveal to me the purpose of this friendship in my life.

Deut. 19:15 ". . .A matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses." (NIV)

I will continue to ask the Lord about this situation during my prayer time.  I will pray to discern whether or not this message is from God and not the enemy.  There is no need to RUSH into something that seems to be from God if there is any QUESTION in my mind and/or spirit.  I will let it "season" for a while as I continue to seek confirmation.  Only when I have the PEACE of God that passes all understanding will I proceed to act, particularly on this important issue.

Thanks again.

MissPoetry

[Forum Administrator]

Hello MissPoetry. I say a hearty 'Amen!' to all that has been said. I was tempted not to post because you have indeed received sound advice and wisdom, but there are some things that you've said that need to be addressed.

He has told me on more than one occasion that he loves me and can't hide his feelings toward me.  I believe this because his actions support it.  He calls me everyday, just to hear my voice;  he wants to see me during the course of the week and he shows affection toward me every time he sees me. 

The root of the problem is that he is in a relationship with someone else.

First of all, the root of the problem is not that he is in a relationship with someone else. The root of the problem is selfishness. He has his cake (i.e. his relationship with his girlfriend) and is trying to eat yours too.  Love, my dear, is not selfish or self-serving. You are both being selfish. Him because he is stringing you along knowing he's involved with someone else, and you because you are holding onto the string knowing that he's involved with someone else.

Someone calling you everyday and wanting to hear your voice is not a "confirmation" of love. What it is as you have described it, is a confirmation of selfishness, deceit, and disregard for the feelings of another. Actions without the character to back it up don't mean a thing. As David has pointed out, would he be calling you every day and displaying these so called acts of affection in the presence of his girlfriend? Is that what he calls not being able to hide his feelings for you? It sounds like he may be hiding his feelings from at least one person: his girlfriend. If a bill collector phoned you every day wanting to hear your voice you would not interpret that as a confirmation of love. You would interpret it as someone wanting to get something from you without giving you anything in return except heartache, headaches, and hassle.

There is at least one instance in scripture where God allowed a woman to meet the man she would marry while she was involved with someone else. Abigail was still married when she met David the king (1 Samuel 25). However, no relationship--friendship or otherwise--was entered into until Abigail's former relationship was dead. When Abigail's husband died, then and only then did David approach Abigail and make his interest known to her. Though it is not specified, there must have been some attraction on at least David's part when they met but it was not acted upon because it would have been inappropriate. When a person is involved with someone else you should consider yourself "dead" to any possibility of a relationship with that person until he is "dead" to the relationship that he is involved in. If it's not "dead," leave that man/relationship alone.

When a woman involves herself with a man that she knows is in a relationship with someone else, especially if the man knows that she knows he's got someone else, she sells herself short. She teaches him to disrespect her because she sends him the message that she is willing to be third rate at best. She's not second best in such a scenario because his relationship with himself is first, and then his relationship with his girlfriend may be second. My sister, you are not 3rd rate; you are 1st class and don't allow anyone to treat you as though you're any less than the best!

I'm on a soapbox now, but too many times we as women get caught up in the okey-doke, getting all caught up in what the man says, flattering words that don't reveal anything about our character as 1st class women. Raise your expectations at least to the level that God requires. Don't be ready to sacrifice your virtue or abandon your character because he calls you every day, or sends you flowers or love letters, or expresses affection for you, or tells you he loves you. God already does that, so don't be so amazed.

Sister, you don't need any revelation other than what has already been revealed to you. He has a girlfriend and it's not you. Leave him alone and move forward. A relationship with him under the present circumstances is inappropriate. If he gets himself together and God allows him to be your blessing, let it be a blessing that has to overtake you. Don't wait for him, keep moving.