What is going on

[LadyU]

I had a bestfriend for about two years. He knows me more that anyone else (vise versa). He has had a troubled past (rough childhood) and has attachment issues (he can't), but we decided to take our friendship to the next level.

We dated about a month, and I asked him why did he want to date me. I knew that he cared for me, but I wanted to hear him say it. He didn't. By knowing that he has issues expressing his emotions, I pressed the issue. Later that week he asked me how I felt about him. I hesitated because I knew that releasing that info would place me in a vulnerable position, but i told him. I had written in a letter, and in that letter I told him that I was in love with him.

Two weeks later, we talked about my letter and he stated that he has feelings for me, but mine were more intense.  He said that he sees himself falling in love with me, but he is just not there yet. So we broke up. We are still friends, but taking a break from each other right now (just taking a breather).

I was single for five years before our relationship. I prayed to God not to allow me in a relationship unless he is the one. I have had dreams of us dating, our first kiss, I've seen the engagement ring, and I saw myself walking down the isle. Sound desprite huh, but it is quite the opposite, I'm  had the dreams even before i was interested in him. I prayed for God to speak to me and let me know if my dreams were just my subcontious emotions, but I didn't receive an answer. Do my dreams mean something? Is God just trying my faith?

We both  prayed about our relationship asking if it was in Gods perfect will, but he didn't answer. If God doesn't say anything is it a no? Are we separated to get stronger individually? Is this the end of our friendship, if so how do I let go?

I seem to hear God on everything else, so why can't I hear him in this matter? I am not even praying about that particular situation anylonger. I just want God to have His way in my life, but I still feel soooo stupid for letting my guards down and trusting him with my emotions.

I'm trying to trust God for I know he will give me His best. I still feel as though my best friend is the one, but there is some healing that we both need to do. Someone once told me that the right thing at the wrong time is just as bad as the wrong thing.



Can you shed some light? Answer my questions? Was it just wrong timing? 

[pressingon]

I don't have all the answers and I'm sure you'll receive some very wise responses.  But in the meantime I wanted to comment about what you mean by "In Love."  I used to use the phrase but soon found out that to say one is"In Love" leads to the conclusion that at some point in time that same someone can also be "Out of love."  Your friend may very well love you if you're friendship has been all you stated it has.  Maybe your statement of being "In Love" threw him off.

You want to be in a relationship that has a love that's described in 1 Corinthians 13:7 "Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things."  You don't want to put your heart on the line for something temporary.  If you both have prayed and asked God and he hasn't shown you anything yet.  I would stand still.  The Lord will not withhold any good thing from you.  If its God's Will then it will come to past in God's time.

Stay Encouraged.  Pressingon

[Shulamitegrl]

I've had a very similar experience LadyU and I want you to know that you can move on and not get stuck wondering 'why' things aren't working out like you had hoped.

I too had a friend from years past who recently re-entered my life, we resumed our friendship and then he approched me asking if his feelings for a more intimate relationship were mutual. I agreed and he said 'let's see what happens'

Needless to say, nothing good happened. He too has attachment/commital issues....apparently was very wounded in a previous engagement not to mention passed childhood issues. I think we had about a month of the whole 'sweetie-honey-pie" stuff and then BOOM the real issues started manifesting.

Well that was last August and just this past February, I decided that I had NOT heard from God, once again i got caught up emotionally, and that he is no where near emotionally ready for what he said he was. The most painful part of this is that he won't talk to me about it. I stopped calling him and gave him his space because his behavior was pushing me away. To this day, he'll call occasionallly to chat and instead of saying "why don't you call anymore" he says "haven't heard from you all day.." as if we just talked yesterday or something. ALL of these signs just confirm that I can't make anything happen here. It takes two as my Dad always said. I can't carry the whole relationship. I pray for him passionately...but the rest is in God's hands. And i can't get stuck right here wasting away, wondering WHY & WHEN.

Ask God for the grace to move forward and leave your friend in HIS hands. He's the only one who can heal him emotionally if you two are ever to have a true relationship. Stay encouraged. 

[Novelist]

Whew! Life is interesting! At times, we do not realize the force of change that occurs abruptly in our lives.  While the seasons change, the weather change, then we change.  Sounds familiar?  It is like the waves of the ocean, constantly moving despite of the weather or what is above.  In this case, your friendship is going through the waves and emotions.  The emotions are unmovable.  You and your bestfriend love one another, yet there are some insecurities within the both you.  Allow God to heal your interior and he will begin to work on the exterior.  Perhaps you need some time alone, to think about the love of God in your life.  God is turning your lives around.  He has to provoke the both of you to see the real you and see him.  Yes, it hurts, I know this.  Give your heart some time to catch up to its beat; continue to love.  I would recommend for the two of you to experience the Godly love within yourselves, then you will be equipped and ready to love one another on the next level if God has approved. 

Your friendship is important more than anything.  Whether your relationship is platonic or not, the root of your connection is God.  He brings special people together, but even special people go through crucial times.  This is your time to perservere and endure, though you are hurting, expect your healing to grace upon your lives.  The purpose for friendship is a soul tie of togetherness, trust, unity, loyalty, support, and unconditional love.  Take the time to pray and praise God for his complete work in your lives.  In fact, God is always working on us as long as we want to work on ourselves.  Your words are your heart and you seem to love one another, but it may not be the time to love in this way, perhaps, loving yourselves can open the door for loving one another and it could be more special.


I pray that God will do his complete work and heal the both of you in areas where you need encouragement and assurance.  Lean not to your own understanding, but in all of your ways and thinking acknowledge God and he will direct your path.  Release everything to God and he will work things out in his time. 


Peace and blessings,


Novelist.