I spoke with Aleathea privately about this matter and was urged to post to the boards so bare with in as I do a slightly edited version due to details as well as growth from that email up to now.
Anyway, I believe God showed me the person I am to marry, yet another female has come on the scene which is kinda leaving me confused about the situation. However one thing I did not mention in the first email aleathea is the fact that I've had several dreams about this among other things. One dream of his meeting another female and I'm kinda on the sidelines crushed, and one following that where he says I told you we were going to get married what were you so worried about?
It's the craziest thing but even with that all the dreams I've had are not consistent. So I don't have total trust in that. And I think what is bigger than my marrying this guy or not marrying him is if I heard from God correctly. And if I did why exactly is he allowing me to see all that I am? Part of me feels a need to hold on to what I believe God told me and part of me feel foolish for holding on to this and yet when I pray for release not only does it not come, I still get messages on marriage and I'm just like what in the world is going on here.
And it's hard to explain and not get into deep detail but basically the female let her feelings be known to him, whereas I've kinda sat back and waited and prepared waited and prepared trying to see why God would put us together and all of that and it makes perfect sense to me. Even when he'd say small things that let me know the interest was 2 sided I still wouldn't feed into it for one not wanting to be wrong and not wanting to "hook up" with someone based on attraction I want who the lord has for me period. And I do remember his saying he's shy in situations like this but my feeling again being if this is God he will give him the words to say. But now I'm like is this female just a part of the process or is he making his "choice" figuring I had no interest in him as I sat and waited sat and waited :)
Anyway any feed back? For married folks that know that they know they are married to the one, what was the process you went throught before saying I do?
Thank you for sharing with others who may relate and benefit. As I shared with you in my offline response, you sound like a woman who sincerely wants the will of God to be worked out in her life.
When God revealed to me that I would be married, there were many times when I wondered/doubted that I had indeed heard from God. God did not tell me who my husband was going to be, but he did allow me to see the man who would be my husband (at my request, I might add), but at the time, I did not even realize it. But I do remember those times of wondering if I was on track with what I believed the Lord promised me. (If you want more information about the process I went through in waiting for the promise God gave me to be fulfilled, you might want to add my book Though The Vision Tarry: Waiting For My Promised Mate to your pre-marital arsenal.) One of the biggest mistakes I made in receiving the promise God gave me was in trying to figure out how things would come together. Nothing happened the way I thought it would. There is a reason why God cautions us not to "lean on our own understanding..." We're usually wrong!
God's promises are time released: He has a set time for His plan and purpose to unfold. You are correct in using this time as a time of preparation. Marriage is ministry and God never calls us to ministry without a time of preparation. This is one of the reasons why God allows us to wait. Not only does He want to prepare you, He wants to protect you from doing things your own way--God will determine what is good for you (Psalm 84:11). He wants to perfect you (James 1:4)--all of us have areas in our lives where we need to grow and mature. Waiting is the process God uses to allow growth to happen. He wants to pace you (Jeremiah 29:11)--God knows where He's taking you; He knows what it will take to get you there; and He knows what it will take to keep you when you get there. Match God's pace.
God is not one-sided. Check out Vikki Johnson's reply to the post successful relationship in the Undercurrents [Women's Issues] section. A godly, mature man will not leave you guessing about his interest in you. When the man God has for you is sure about his intent towards you, he will let you know it.
Don't allow the enemy to distract your mind with what the man you care for or the woman who is now interested in him are doing. You are doing well in staying honest with how you feel, but be careful that you don't allow jealousy or resentment to get hold of you. Everything that you feel about the situation, continue to take it to God in prayer. Take your eyes off the person and keep it on the One who gave you the promise. Receive the promise until God allows you to receive the person. Remember, it is not the man you are waiting on... it's God.
QuoteWhen God revealed to me that I would be married, there were many times when I wondered/doubted that I had indeed heard from God. God did not tell me who my husband was going to be, but he did allow me to see the man who would be my husband (at my request, I might add), but at the time, I did not even realize it.
Amen and thank you again Alethea rereading this I gained even more praise him, sometimes when your mind is too focused on the situation you absolutely cannot hear what the lord is saying which is one reason why I'm seeking councel on the boards and in just reading your response I'm like ok wait that totaly flew over my head the first time let me marinate on that a little longer :)
I do have one question, I have my order form printed out for the book so I'll read your book before bogging you down with a lot of questions but the above quote stood out to me. Are you saying that the lord showed you you would marry then you later asked who and he revealed?
In my situation the lord showed me I'd marry, when I'd write myself off as perhaps being one who would never marry the lord showed me otherwise praise him :) and when I met the guy I knew it was him. No love at first site or anything like that but it was like the words came to me clear as day that is the man I'm going to marry and I said to myself oh chile back up ok maybe that's someone who will be of significance in your life in some way, but marry!! Then I'd have all these events happen afterwards that were confirmation but I think because it is marriage and hearing of so many people naming and claiming mates :) That I fear my doing that so flesh which tends to over analize and is just plain nosy wants to know God's every move in my life to where I don't hear him or I still hear him but get things twisted by getting in my own way. Then people I'd seek counsel from only made it worse because they'd give "advice" over truly praying with me and now I realize my error in those I confided in.
But now as I look at the situation, trying to view all things from all angles not just my own, this female is showing me alot about myself, some of the other areas I may not have put a lot of effort into, and I read a lot of Michelle Mckinney Hammond books and this situation just led me to be blessed by yet another one and I'm deeply excited about reading your book because your on the other side of it all.
And I'll cut myself of here or I'll go on foreva :)
QuoteAnyway any feed back? For married folks that know that they know they are married to the one, what was the process you went throught before saying I do?
When you're faced with the unknown, hold onto the known: the things that God has made known to you. You have His word and His promises. If you ask Him for guidance, He
will give you direction (Proverbs 3:5,6). Don't get caught up in "the one;" get caught up in "The One" (God). When you focus on "the one," you're focusing on something limited. When you focus on "The One" you are focusing on Someone who is limitless. Broaden your perspective.
A better of way of approaching marriage is to keep your eyes open for someone who is
best suited for you. That requires you to know who you are and what your purpose is, so that you will be able to better recognize who is best suited for you (and for whom you are best suited). This is a big part of the process. When God presented the animals to Adam, he did not recognize anything of himself in them. But, when God presented Eve to Adam, he saw something of himself in her and recognized that she was a
suitable helper for him. You also will see something of who you are in the person who is best suited for you. You should be able to see something in the other person that identifies with who you are and what the purpose is that God has for you.
Someone said God's will is like an automatic door (like the kind you see at a supermarket). When you walk towards the door, if everything is in order, the door will open. If the door does not open, you either walked towards the door at the wrong time, or you walked towards the wrong door. If, on the other hand, the door opens, go through it and carefully examine what is on the other side. God
wants you to know what His will is, and if you trust in the promise given in Proverbs 3:5,6, everything will be fine. The key is in not trusting in "the one," but in trusting in "The One" (God).
One thing that I have learned and that is that the promises of God are sure. If God did in fact show you your mate..... then you can't allow people, situations or any circumstance to dictate to you the results of the promise. One thing that is for sure and that is God is faithful. He is going to do exactly what He said. If this is the one, then you can't be distracted by the other female, nor can you allow what she has made known to make you insecure in who you are to become and that is his wife. First and foremost, marriage is a life call and this is your life that is at stake. So, he is shy and he isn't really a pursuant... when he is ready to make that move, and you are it.... he will make it known. Trust God, and know that He does all things well and that what is yours is yours. If things don't roll as you feel or felt that God said.... then guess what? You missed it and that is okay too....we all do sometiimes. But if you are certain without a shadow of a doubt that this is your mate...... just wait for the manifestation of God's promise and in the meantime become a prepared woman for the prepared man. Be encouraged.....
Talking about this openly is helping bring a lot of things back to rememberance and i know believe I know where my problem lies.
But I did state in the above response that I examined my place in his life and I do know my purpose, and again I'm being very vague in my explainations for good reason which I hope isn't keeping me from being clear, but as I said it makes perfect sense for this to be the person I marry not just from the natural eye, but from a spiritual eye.
My botton line of it is this, I want the one that God has for me and in order to do that I have to flow with his leading so if I go by my perceptions or wants I simply get the mate of my choosing which would not be a sin when marrying a fellow christian, but if I want a God ordained marriage then I need to flow 100% with his processing. That's why when I was able to recognize a mutual attraction I didn't want to feed into that because I could marry any christian that has an attraction for me and happen to have similar life tastes but I'd most likely marry the wrong person, it takes God who knows our lives stories from beginning to end who can lead me to the exact person I am to minister with in marriage because he knows what it takes for me to be covered by him, and for him to have a life partner throught good bad and down right ugly.... in me.
For instance you mentioned adam and eve, for the sake of readers I'll type the complete scripture:
Genesis 2:18-25
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
So in this by God first presenting Adam with the animals, it allowed him to be able to see the fact that they were not compatiable to him and his need for Eve. But the lord made a specific woman who was suitable for Adam and when the lord presented the woman who was formed specifically for Adam, he recognized her as literally being that which was missing in his life. But it was as the lord presented her to him based on his knowing what he needed not as the woman presenting herself as an option or even his searching for her. Yet confusion for me came in looking at Ruth, and now I understand what the word is showing in that, but again I say the lord never showed me that I am to present myself to this man so that just wouldn't go down.
I don't want to give the impression that this is a constant in my life, it's a recurring thing where I don't think about him or focus on him but when sitautions present themselves I'm like ugh not only do I want to see it I don't want to be in a position to question what I believe or to feel anything about it so that's when the confusion comes in for me, I don't seek it out it comes my way and it'll be ongoing for a while after I've prayed after I've gone before the father before I even think to speak on it to someone else. So by the time I PM'd you, there was an ongoing situation for about a month or so where it becomes a thing where I have to see if the lord is looking for me to do more than just pray. Which those other details I may pm again not scary just need to keep some things private.
A fellow Sista suggested to me to meditate on his promises so that's what I will do in and in the vein of not focusing on the specifics but that which the lord planted in me from his word
Thanks Reec, that's like exactly everything I was reminded of coupled with everything I was thinking. I know my issue at times is pride also because I've never been a I gotta have a man type or in my flesh I can be ms super independant so I have to face myself at times and be careful not to close off or go on the defense. Because as I stated above, one thing I learned from this female is the fact that for one I don't think she sees any error in what she's doing and it is detail left out cause I don't want to display her business but in conversation she laid out on the table that which I was seeing in her and I wasn't sure if it was because I didn't want her to approach him.
And I have to remind myself if she is indeed his child also he ain't gonna let her stumble anymore than he'll let me so sometimes the flesh don't want to focus in that way, well the flesh never wants to so I have to as aleathea stated keep my eyes on God ain't always easy thought.
But it's a blessing because these situations in any area of my walk only bring me closer to God so thought I hate the process sometimes without fail I grow in him so to God be the glory.
QuoteAre you saying that the lord showed you you would marry then you later asked who and he revealed?
In my situation the lord showed me I'd marry, when I'd write myself off as perhaps being one who would never marry the lord showed me otherwise praise him :) and when I met the guy I knew it was him. No love at first site or anything like that but it was like the words came to me clear as day that is the man I'm going to marry and I said to myself oh chile back up ok maybe that's someone who will be of significance in your life in some way, but marry!! Then I'd have all these events happen afterwards that were confirmation but I think because it is marriage and hearing of so many people naming and claiming mates :) That I fear my doing that so flesh which tends to over analize and is just plain nosy wants to know God's every move in my life to where I don't hear him or I still hear him but get things twisted by getting in my own way. Then people I'd seek counsel from only made it worse because they'd give "advice" over truly praying with me and now I realize my error in those I confided in.
faith215, your honesty is refreshing. There are many people who have gone through, and are going through, the same process that you are experiencing. I am one of them (as you will see when you read my book).
In answer to your above question, yes, after I accepted that the Lord's purpose was that I marry, I asked Him if I could get a glimpse of the person that He intended for me to marry. I did not want (and was not ready) for a full relationship at that time, but I asked for a glimpse. God answered that request and allowed me to get a literal glimpse of the person who is now my husband. The funny thing is, I did not even realize then that the Lord had answered my prayers. Sometimes when God answer our prayers, we don't even realize it until all the pieces of the puzzle are in place and we look back at what God has done.
I too had reached a point where I did not think I would marry, but God had a plan and a promise and in His own time and way, He fulfilled it. Trust God. Trust
Him. As ReeC has pointed out, He
is faithful to His promise. Don't try to figure out how or when--it will only frustrate you. I know that this is easier said than done, but when you find yourself trying to figure things out, remember Philippians 4:6-8. Trust that God is working everything out that needs to be worked out. Later on, when His promises to you have been fulfilled, you will be able to look back and see exactly where His hand has been in this process you're going through now.
You are doing well, and your heart's desire is in the right place. We all need encouragement as we go along. When others give you advice that leans toward claiming the man, let them know that you are not claiming the man; you are claiming the promise because God is faithful. (Check out Hebrews 6:13-15). ;)
Amen I got a feeling reading this book is gon be a shoutin moment ;D
Well I have learned in that (when it comes to talking to people) and other situations that everyone isn't made to give you advice or insight because the insight of others is limited even when they are sold out anointed and love the lord, don't mean they know your circumstance or can speak over them, and I had to learn that one the hard way so as long as this board exists I shall take advantage of it when other situations come up.
But what I did was I'd ask other believers in similar situations thinking I was going to the right folk, yet they didn't know thier own outcomes which only allowed them to add confusion to my situation.... the blind leading the blind basically. So amen can't say enough how much this is appreciated I'm meditating on all that is being said and I'm using the word your giving me as my reference
This exchange was a blessing to read especially since I ran across the website quite by "accident". My story is similar, but with a twist. Last year while planning to marry another man, God told me who my husband was to be. During praise and worship one Sunday, the Holy Spirit took me into high praise. I started jumping up and down. Well, I was being jumped up and down, I was trying to stop it. When I stopped, I looked at someone and heard-- not thought --heard "That is who you are going to marry." My vision was altered so that he was the only person in my line of view like a movie freeze frame or cropped picture.
The next day, driving in my car, I asked God why him. As soon as the question left my mouth a commerical came on. Prophetess Bynum-Week was talking about why God brings to people together for his purpose -- how a woman can help a man birth his ministry.
I prayed all week asking for clarity. The next Sunday at church my pastor say during his message, "You've been praying all week for clarity, God wants you to know He isn't playing mind games with you. What He said is what will happen."
My mother and sister came to be independently to tell me that they thought this man was my husband. Five weeks later he married someone else. Of course I immediately thought then that wasn't God.
Since then, I have had numerous confirmations that it was God and I will marry him. I was led to purchase the book "Teach Me How to Love You" in the back is a CD with the message "Proverbs 31 Woman" an excerpt from that message was used to create the Bynum Weeks commerical I heard the Monday after God first told me.
I was talking to a friend of my who kept asking me who my husband was. I had told him that God told me, but hadn't told him who. He laughed as said, I just got a vision of you and "this man" walking down the aisle. He didn't realize that he had called it right. I just said well that would certainly take the hand of God.
When I pray for release I get more confirmation. When I get frustrated I hear messages about waiting on God. Even one Sunday, our pastor was talking about waiting on the promises of God. How you have to continue to want what God promised even if it takes 5 years, 10 years, 15 years. Now, I'm 34 years old -- no children. I'm adding this up. I start crying and praying because in 5 years I'll be 39, in 10, 44, in 15, 49. I want to have children. My pastor then says "If you can just get past your fear that your biological clock will run out, you could get excited about what God has promised."
I know God is a God of covenant. I can't understand why He would allow them to marry, if I am truly suppose to be his wife. I know God's promises are certain. I just don't understand this.
Ieve and Faith25,
I completely understand what bot of you are saying. My situation is almost a mirror image of Faith25. I had walking in the Lord's word, when I met a man at the carwash. It was so incredibly strange because both he and I were new to this particular area. We struck up a conversation and discovered that we had soooo much in common. We started dating and immediately it was so easy to be with one another. I too had several dreams where I sincerely believe God told me I was going to marry this man. The ironic thing is that his ex-girlfriend had been trying to get back together with him. My sister passed away so I had to return home for awhile. he was extremely supportive during that time. When I returned I learned that his ex-girlfriend had shared her feelings with him and he was considering getting back with her. He stated that he was not ready to let me go but realized that he could not have his cake and eat it to. He also stated that he is struggling with somethings in life right now in addition to everything else. I told him that clearly he has some things to work out and that if really believes in his heard that this woman has changed, then he needs to follow his heart. So I backed away from this man. Despite how much I have been praying, reading and trying to trust God to allow his will to be done in my life, I cannot get out of my mind that I believe this is the man for me. Am I just fooling myself. I would appreciate any feedback!!!
1st let me encourage the both of you to go back and reread ReeC's response and also the Forum Administrator's.
Just to reiterate..the key thing in ReeC's response is that God is faithful. The key thing in Forum Admin's response is that when faced with the unknown, hold on to the known.
What do you know? God can not lie. If God said it then He shall perform it. These things we know.
That being said, let me put a big "but" in there. But when the promise depends on the compliance and obedience of individuals, there is opportunity for it not to come to pass. And the failure is not in God.
The Israelites were told by God that they had the victory against Ai. However they were beaten back because of the sin of Achan.
Consider this: the Israelites cried out for a king. God heard their cry and God's choice was Saul. Saul was a great king until his own disobedience got the best of him. When that happened, God then rejected Saul as king and sent Samuel to anoint another. Did God lie? No. Saul was God's choice in answer to His people's cry! Did you or do you have a cry for a mate? Genesis says that a woman's desire would be for her husband. It didn't say her desire would be for a man or to get a husband. That implies to me a married woman's desire. The next question that comes to my mind would be, "Then what should an unmarried woman desire?" Paul says that it should be for the things of God.
So what about your situations? Well for one, if the person "God" shows you is already married, then you must know that is not God. Remember to hold on to that which is known. We know that God is a God of order.
If the person "God" shows you marries someone else, then you have to know that if that person does not hear from God or hears from God and chooses not to go that route, then there is nothing you can do about that. God presents the best, but it takes obedience of another party...not just yours.
Remember Saul was rejected and then David was Anointed.
You must take hope in this: God has another alternative!!! Hallelujah!!!!
If God says possess the land and you place your hands on a house and claim it, then someone else buys it, God has another alternative!
If you get a Word of knowledge that the job is yours and someone else gets the position, know that God has another alternative!!!
I am so thankful that God has another alternative. When Adam messed up, God had another alternative and sent His Son! Oooo I'm getting a little happy here. Let me slow down and finish this.
Take courage my sisters...God has not forgotten you. God has alternatives!
Mr. Dupree,
Let me clarify that my cry was not for a husband, certainly not this husband. I wasn't dating this man. I didn't pray on this man. I was planning to marry someone else.
Now, my question is this. God knows everything. He knows our future as if it were our past. He had to know that this man would marry someone else. He married her within 5 weeks of God telling me. If he knew this marriage would not come to pass, because the man would reject God's will, why would he tell me that "this is who you are going to marry."
He had to know that wasn't going to happen. I turned that verb around in my head a thousand times. If he had said, that's your husband. Or I want you to marry him. I'd feel comfortable saying it is going to happen. But he said it is going to happen.
Even comparing it to Ai. God's word did come to pass. The victory was delayed because of the sin of the people. But in the end Israel defeated Ai. God's Word did not return to him void.
Listen, my issue isn't one of wanting this particular man. If I didn't think it was God, I would marry my ex.
My issue is more how long do I wait on God, before I say the "promise" isn't coming to pass.
AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!
GOD HAS ANOTHER ALTERNATIVE!!!
Okay my computer is acting really crazy...the last posting went through b4 I finished the entire thing....but anyway as I was typing.....
I dont have much to add to this posting. I think all that has been shared is right on point. However I was happy like urself David when I read "God has another alternative". hhhhhhhhmmmmmm! If I knew how to type tongues I would....... All I have to say is that is so true and on time for any situation!
I was just swimming through deep waters reading the postings as usual but that one statement you made has totally blessed me. hhhhhmmm GOD HAS ANOTHER ALTERNATIVE!
Hi Mr. Dupree. I have been reading the comments and decided I wanted to chime in.
As someone previously said, God knows all. He is all-knowing. He is omniscient. We also know that God does not lie (Numbers 23:10). Since we know these things about the Lord, we know that whatever He tells us is true. We know He can be trusted. One of the reasons we can trust Him is because He knows the beginning from the end.
If God spoke a thing, it MUST come to pass. There is no room for loopholes with God. If we can say that the Lord will provide "an alternative", then in essence we are saying that if things don't work out, He has an alternate plan. It makes Him look like a cosmic being who's not sure what humans will do so He has to make up a "Plan B".
If God truly spoke to a woman and said she's going to marry a particular person, then that is so. Period. Despite any circumstances or situations that happen before that promise comes to pass. When the Lord gives a promise, we step directly into the enemy's scope. He sees that God is getting ready to bless us and he mounts his attack. That's why I believe that all of the sudden, after some of these promises were made, other women started stepping into these men's lives.
God knows the end of a thing before it happens. I am certain that He's not going to tell a daughter of His -- a daughter that He let His Only Son lay His life down for -- that she would marry a man she won't marry. God isn't a trickster and He's not One to fool us. If God truly spoke that a woman is going to marry a man, then it is done. I don't necessarily believe that means that that man won't end up in another relationship before that marriage takes place. As human beings we have free will. We can choose to go right or left. If God says "go left" and we go right, that was our choice. And in this instance, an ungodly choice was made. But that choice doesn't supercede God's authority or His will. If He makes a promise, He takes into account all of the human errors that can come into being.
He knew that Abraham would make Hagar pregnant, but He still chose to promise Abraham and Sarah Isaac BEFORE Ishmael was conceived. Their disobedience and lack of faith didn't interrupt the plan of God. He just waited until they got in line (as far as their faith was concerned) before He blessed them with the promise.
I think that if we receive a promise from God and it looks like it's not going to happen, then we have to go back to the original word God spoke. If He truly said it, He must do it. It must be performed. Sometimes words the Lord gives us are conditional - for instance, God may say, "If you follow Me and keep Me first in your life, then I'll do _____". If that's the case, then we have to make sure that we have followed God to the letter. If not, we must trust God that whatever He says (although there may be a long wait involved) will happen.
I think we also must look at the fact that maybe it wasn't God we heard. Maybe we were influenced by a desire or a person or by the flesh. Maybe it wasn't God we heard. I think when it looks like the promise isn't coming to pass, we have to do some serious and honest inspection of ourselves and our motives. I think we have to look at the confirmations and other things we received to make sure that we aren't misinterpreting things. I think prayer and fasting during this time is crucial so that we can say with assurance, "It WAS God I heard!"
All of Christianity is based on God's promises. If we can't trust them, then we can't trust God. And that's not an option for me.
AMEN!!! Bless God. I have searched my motives. It wasn't my flesh. I was "in love" with someone else. Now if I'm honest, God told me know from the beginning of that relationship, but I wasn't listening. I remember if asking if I could just have him for a little while. Help me Holy Ghost. A year later and deeper "in love" I wished I had ended it in the beginning when God first said so.
For me atleast, each time I got confirmation, I was either praying for release or contemplating returning to my ex assuming that it was not God.
There are three principles that govern my life: God cannot lie; God will not change; and God's word is true. If God makes a promise, He will bring it to pass. What causes us trouble is when we try to figure out the how or when.
When God promised Abraham a son, God knew everything that would happen in Abraham's life from the time He made the promise to Abraham until the time He fulfilled the promise... but Abraham didn't. Abraham did believe the promise, but things didn't go the way he thought they would. Some things happened in between that threw Abraham (and Sarah) for a loop. But God made the promise.
The problem for you will begin when you start to try to figure things out. How is this going to happen? This will be a question you may ask yourself, especially when things don't look or go the way you thought they would. When God makes promises, He usually does not reveal everything that will take place from the time He gives you the promise until the time He fulfills it. When God speaks, He speaks with purpose and He doesn't waste His words. He tells you what you need to know. If He has not revealed the "in between" to you, you do not need to be concerned about it.
When God began to speak to me about marriage, I could not for the life of me figure out how on earth it was going to happen. I had been separated from my then husband for a number of years, and I was in a church that taught that you shouldn't divorce, and if you did, you could not remarry. I had a dilemma... that is, as long as I tried to figure out how this promise would come to pass. God did not reveal to me who I would marry, but He did--in answer to my prayer--show me who I would marry (but at the time I did not even realize it). Because of the situation I was in, the only way I could see this promise being fulfilled was if my ex-husband died. So for a while I waited to get news of his death. I was not being spiteful; I was exercising my faith, but my faith was misguided. I was going by what I could see and what I could comprehend. Big mistake! When it comes to God's promises, that only thing we need to see is Him: not our circumstances; not who is or is not involved; not who is marrying whom; not any of that. When God gives you a promise, especially if it concerns another person, don't hold on to the person; hold on to the One who gave you the promise!
Somewhere along the way, I learned this lesson, and my life became a whole lot less complicated. All I had to do was keep my trust in the One who made me the promise in spite of my circumstances. God did fulfill His promise of marriage to me, and nothing happened the way I thought it would (thank God ;)). (If you want to know how things did happen, read my book Though The Vision Tarry: Waiting For My Promised Mate (http://www.dathea.com/vision).)
Should you, while waiting for God to fulfill the promise you believe He has made to you, put your life on hold until the man you believe God has for you becomes available? Absolutely not! Here's what you should do: focus on living your life in obedience to and complete trust in Him. You focus on trusting in the Lord and not trying to figure things out. You focus on seeking the Lord's direction in ALL your ways, and He will direct your path. If while you are walking uprightly before the Lord, trusting in Him, and asking Him to direct your path you meet someone else, keep right on doing what you're doing. Keep being obedient to His (written) word. Keep trusting in Him. Keep asking Him to direct your path. If you walk towards a "door" and it opens, walk though it even if walking through it leads you to the altar (in marriage). That could be part of your in between. Stop trying to figure things out, and let God work things out in His way, and in His time.
The initial question that started this post was "How are you so sure?" I'm so sure because God cannot lie; God will not change; and God's word is true. That is why you can be so sure too. ;)
Now that got to the heart of my issue. I do (did) feel like my life was on hold until I found out the when and how. Thank you!! Thank you!! Thank you!!
Ok!!! I am going to wade in a different maner than my brother David did. I am going to relate to you ladies that it happens on our side of the fence also. I thought that I was going to marry this particular lady. I had known her for awhile with no relationship ties anywhere between us. As my first marriage was breathing its last, this woman and I began talking more frequently. After one particular conversation, in which she mentioned that God had shown her who her husband was, I started haveing the strange feeling that she was talking about me. I very directly asked God if what I was thinking was true, then reveal it to me (I'll notate this statement later). Well needless to say, the next day she drops the bomb. At the time, I wasn't thinking along the lines of the possibility of the relationship being "out of order". Here was a woman that had been nothing but faithful to God. No shacking up, no men in and out of her & her childrens' lives, a powerful, powerful prayer warrior, etc. After about a month, I started feeling really heavy in my spirit. At first, I blamed it on the enemy, not realizing that it was "Daddy" putting the pressure on me. I eventually got the message and ended the relationship (which brought immediate lightness to my spirit) and was taught a valuable lesson. As I reflect back, I see everything that was wrong with the relationship and how the enemy can take a request (notation on earlier statement) and wrap it up in something that looks, smells and acts like God, but really is not. I am now preparing to get engaged. No relationship that I've ever had has been this right. Not without its scrapes and falls. Not without its failures before God, but right nonetheless. "How r u so sure?". from the first time I saw her, I recognized her as me. I had to wade through more than one, "God told me...", as well as at least one that I thought could be "her", but God truly is faithful and He helped me to just...wait until He was ready to reveal my destiny to me.
Also wanted to share without making the post way way too long, there were several things the lord told me in advance that has not manifest yet so it definately does happen. I think the marriage issue was so up close to me because it's the one thing that we are often times made to feel some kind of way for wanting it, even though I can direct my desire to God giving them to me. And for myself I know someone else was stressing the same thing in another post, when this situation came into my life I was all eyes on growing in the lord and yet being real with self like let's be sure this isn't flesh because it wants what it wants. As Mr. Dupree pointed out this type of thing makes the word live your desire will be for your husband so let's be sure it's God's desire not that felling of oh I need a huuusband Yet with situations coming up that could be a threat to other areas the lord spoke over my life that had nothing to do with a man, I realized God often reveals things to us in advance not only to prepare, but also that we will not be swayed by the voice of others. For instance the lord showed me what ministry I'm called to and people often want to place me in opposite of what he's called me to do and I get mad like no this isn't what the lord showed me. And in that also there are things that I'm to do for that time because again having to grow in areas to be ready to minister when he calls me to do specifically what he's called me to do, and simply in the need. And I've also noticed that when the enemy does try to bring something to me that looks like it could come from God there is always something about it that's not quite right so I test it with the word as well as the promises of God over my life. And I encourage anyone going through the same thing to do the same.
Praise God I was blessed to read this topic today :) Growth is a good ting.
Hello,
Wow most of these post have answered some of my questions, except, and this is in response to Mr.Dupree.
My question is , I've been very much attracted to someone, who is a man of god, for a few years now. He's single. We've worked together in our profession but we're still just acquaintances. We had a brief phone conversation where he had asked me how come a beautiful woman like yourself isn't seeing anyone? And I asked him the question vice versa. I felt like maybe he was hinting to me that he was attracted to me in a subliminal way. But he than said in God's time he'll meet that special someone. Which I too agreed. But at the same time I'm wondering why doesn't he just ask me out so we can at least get to know each other? Ok I know this all sounds real Junior High but can I pray that this brother is the ONE?? I saw him serving at church recently and my attraction grew stronger. He's everything physically and spiritually that I've been praying for in a man but I don't want to be out of God's order either. I know I need to be patient and keep God's will in focus first but now I can't get the brotha out of my head and it's driving me crazy because I see myself married to this man. Help!!! :-/
Hi gracegirl. Do you remember when Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane? He prayed if it be possible, let this cup pass from me. That was what He wanted at that moment. But as He continued in prayer, he prayed, nevertheless, not My will, but Thy will be done. This was what He needed.
You can pray that Bro. Beautiful Server ;) is "the one" if that is what you want. Let your request be made known to God. You should talk to God about how you feel about this person (and anything and everything else). HOWEVER make sure that you're overruling desire is nevertheless, not My will, but Thy will be done because this is what you need. When you're finished praying for what you want, pray for what God wants because He wants to give you what is best for you.
Do as Abraham did when he was called to sacrifice his son Isaac: put him on the altar. Abraham did not want to sacrifice his son: he wanted his son to be with him. But he laid him on the altar believing that if God took his son, he would give him back what he sacrificed. You see this man as your husband, but in your heart, you must "give him back" to God. Lay him "on the altar" trusting that if Bro. Beautiful Server (BBS) is not with you, God will give you someone who will better meet the need in your life and help you to fulfill God's purpose in your life (and you will be able to do the same for him).
Right now, you are seeing something about the man from an external point of view. But God knows the plan He has for your life and for his. He knows what is needed to get you where you need to be, and to keep you once you get there. If BBS is someone who God deems suitable to be a part of your life to help you fulfill your purpose, he will surely be a part of your life. If you are someone that God deems suitable to be a part of BBS' life to help him fulfill his purpose, you will surely be a part of his life.
I believe your heart is in the right place. Keep it there. As your desires match God's desires, you'll get everything you want including a beautiful server. :)
Thank you! Well noted! ;) BBS has been placed on the altar!
This topic has been one that has truly hit home with me. I was recently involved in a relationship with a man in whom I was preparing to marry. I wanted to be married so bad that I totally ignored God when He was speaking to me. God told me on several occasions to end the relationship, but I never did. This particular man approached me during a time when I was deeply searching for myself. I entered into this relationship with him because I was so desperate to have a man in my life. This man told me that he had spoken to God about me and God told him that I was the one for him. There was one thing that was troubling about this, God never told me that this particular man was the one for me. I accepted what this man had to tell me even though I knew that he wasn't who I needed to be with in terms of a partner for marriage.
I told this gentleman on several occasions that I was not the one for him. He would always tell me that no matter what I did, he was not leaving me. He asked on one occasion "If I did not want to be with him, why was I still in the relationship?" I told him that I did not want to hear the reactions of my family and friends when I told them that we were no longer together. It was a pride issue. I was too ashamed to hear my family and so-called friends say "I told you so". I stayed in the relationship until God finally removed me from his life.
The purpose of a relationship is for two complete people to join together for the greater glory of God. Relationships are assignments given to us by God and are a part of His plan to enlighten us. Those who are to meet will meet because they have the potential for a holy relationship. A holy relationship is meant to be a friendship between brothers and sisters in Christ. God designs relationships in order for individuals to learn from one another. Relationships are tools created by God in which He brings people together that have the maximal opportunity for mutual growth. He has already decided which individuals can learn the most from whom and He puts them together. God did not create every relationship to be one in which would result in marriage. (It took me a while to figure this out).
God had shown me so many signs that this was not a relationship that would result in marriage. I ignored the signs and wanted to turn what was a holy relationship into a marriage. Everyone we meet will either be our crucifer or our savior, depending on what we are to them. I tried to make this man my savior. But I had to realize that this was something that God had His hands in. Both of us were dealing with issues from the past that were never resolved. This in turn caused several problems in the relationship. I guess I thought that we could complete each other. Was I so wrong? Neither one of us were complete. When you have two glasses that are half full and begin to pour the contents of one of the glasses into the other, you end up with one full glass and the other is empty.
We never took the time to develop the type of friendship that God intended for us to have. We dived right into what we thought was love and began making preparations for our engagement and marriage. We were beginning to cause more harm than good in each others lives and God finally had to intervene. It hurt so bad when God finally stepped in and removed us from each other. I eventually accepted God's reason for putting us two together. God wanted to show me something about myself, I was not ready for a relationship. I did not love myself and my love for God was not as strong as it should have been. I did not realize until recently that I couldn't give what I did not have. I did not have love to give to this man, because I lacked love for myself. Now I am so thankful for God removing him from my life. He was not my husband and was never supposed to be.
~Tamar