Another Problem

[MrD]

I have a situation, My wife and I have been doing pretty good lately, since she had ask the lord to forgive her for her angry outburst with me, and the name calling. She has not been eating regular food for about 2 or three weeks, only juicing with vegetables and a powdered drink. So she is not going out to restaurants, What is bad is that she gets furious if I even mention going out somewhere to eat by myself, or with the guys at work. She tells me that if keep doing that, that I will die earlier. So now she is angry with me because I told her I was wanting to go out last night for chinese.

[Gracious]

Hello Mr.D

Here's how I'm led to speak to ya':

Seems like the face of your "new" dilema, is similar to the old one(s) - different situation? A Communication Issue ... perhaps?

Please be patient with me as I ask you some  "rhetorical" questions, even though the answers may seem obvious to you ... Amen?

·   Do you love your wife?
·   Does your wife love you?
·   Are you committed to her / to your relationship? How about your wife?
·   Respect - Do you hear your wife the way that she needs to be heard by you.
·   Does your wife hear you the way that you need to be heard by her?

If you are "foggy" as in an: "I dunno" answer, to any of these questions, then just perhaps you'll continue to identify and temporarily mend / band-aid the same wounds in your relationship - over & over & over again.

Here's what I've come to understand regarding the problem with a temporary fix in relationships:

1.  The problem never goes away, because (though honestly & with the best of intentions) you've not addressed the core issue ... the "root" of her issue with you & vice-versa. And because that "core issue(s)" has not been addressed, both you and she will probably continue to go around in circles, making the initial problem / wound, bigger & bigger, because other symptoms - issues will attract themselves to your initial core-issue / the REAL problem. Without the help which you've wisely been led to receive, little by little, the blessed steps forward you've taken in your marriage, will appear to have in been in vain - all for not.

2.   Next, the dangerous conscious relief we'll seek. Again, from my personal experience ... That's when non-CHRIST-connected influences are allowed into the relationship. Not a good thing. And I'm so sure that you can understand why.

Do you pray ... TOGETHER??? Do you both have spiritually (HOLY GHOST) wise "neutral" counsel that you may confide in? This may sound cliché but Praying TOGETHER is mandatory towards STAYING TOGETHER ... Amen?

Lastly, if you'll notice, it may appear that I've not answered you specifically regarding the questions you've posted.  I guess that's because, it appears that you are not hearing your wife (again, a Communication  issue perhaps???)  the way that she needs for you to hear her

Meaning, the old situation was ... you not taking out the garbage ( remember you'd mentioned that issue in another thread) ... the alienation (both of you not connecting positively with each other) you feel from your wife would still be the same.  . That's what I meant when I said:

"...The problem never goes away, because (though honestly & with the best of intentions) you've not addressed the core issue ... the "root" of her issue with you & vice-versa. And because that "core issue(s)" has not been addressed, both you and she will probably continue to go around in circles, making the initial problem / wound, bigger & bigger, because other symptoms - issues will attract themselves to your initial core-issue / the REAL problem...."

When this happens (again, from my personal experience) "control" symptom-issues begin to develop.

Soooooooo my friend, with all due respect and care for you & what you're dealing with ... "Effective Communication" truly truly needs to be your goal.  I believe that we ALL have the capacity to "perfect" this necessary skill, yet I've seen that we NEED the HOLY GHOST working through others to bring this skill out in us.

That's all I got fa' ya' my friend. Prayerfully, there's sumthin' in what I've been given to share with you, that you can use.

Might I also chime in with others & suggest the following:

"Though The Vision Tary's"

...Communication skills "101" are held therein, concentrating with the FATHER first & with your mate) ... INVALUEABLE!!!.

From my heart,


Gracious

[1EagleSky]

I don't know if your wife is doing this temporarily to lose weight or make herself healthier, or as a permanent dietary change in her life, but that is HER choice. She shouldn't get mad at you if you don't want to follow her culinary example. Is something else going on in addition to this that you have not mentioned? Have there been serious health issues with her or her friends or family members that brought this radical dietary change about?

In the long run, her current dietary change isn't healthy for her. If she wants to lose weight, she needs to consult her personal physician about the route that is best for her. If she wants to make a permanent change in her diet, she should consult a nutritionist, who will make up a plan especially tailored for her.

I am not sure what else is going on, but I think one way you can defuse the tension and arguments in the home is to surprise her by doing something you typically don't do, or something that she would generally do. Doing this will make her think twice and reflect on herself and whether she is being unreasonable towards you. It could also open the door towards improved communications and healthy compromises.

[David Dupree]

Dude,  Why couldn't you eat at home?  Can you get take out Chinese?  Although she is not eating per se, she sounds like she still would like to spend that time with you.  So go to the store and get some stuff to fix.   By the way, did you ask her to suggest some eating options for you?

Also, just cause she is not eating, does that mean that she is not fixing for you?  I forgot from your other posts, but do you do most of the cooking too? 

Her not eating is not a signal for you to spend less time with her.  Nor is it a signal to spend more money eating out, even with the fellas. 

Your wife is subtly attempting to better the communication gap.  Take advantage of it and eat at home.  Or at least stay there long enough to hear what is on her mind.   

ddupree

[Gracious]

Dude,  Why couldn't you eat at home?   Can you get take out Chinese?  Although she is not eating per se, she sounds like she still would like to spend that time with you.  So go to the store and get some stuff to fix.   By the way, did you ask her to suggest some eating options for you? ...

...Your wife is subtly attempting to better the communication gap.  Take advantage of it and eat at home.   Or at least stay there long enough to hear what is on her mind.   

ddupree

Now THAT's what I'm talkin' 'bout ... you know the "eat at home" comments you've made remind me of a scripture in:

I Corinthians 11 (KJV)[/b]

33Wherefore, my brethren, when ye come together to eat, tarry one for another.

34And if any man hunger, let him eat at home; that ye come not together unto condemnation. And the rest will I set in order when I come.

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I know, I know ... TOTALLY different meaning (perhaps?) but when I read your words, I thought of the above scripture.

I got my husband reading this thread too & to him (my hubby) I say:

BABY - when it comes to "game nite wit' da' fellas' ... you betta' order take-out -n- eat "it' wit' yo' wife ... AT HOME (LOL) 

Huh, knowing my husband, I'll be the one serving him AND 12 utha' brothers in our home WITH dey' "bad @#$! kids" ... 'cause their wives would be happy that both they & the kids are out of the house - giving them (their wives) a break!!!         (ROFLOL)

Sorry brutha' DD & MrD (that was my poor attempt at humor )

But on the serious tip, brutha' DD ... yours & 1Eaglesky's words prick "really-good" thought regarding the "C" word (COMMUNICATION).