Understanding the fairer sex

[chosenone]

I have been saved a couple years now.  I go to a great church that teaches the Word.  Recently, I was told by a sister that God told her that I was to be her husband.  I was shocked to say the least.  I didn't knowwhat to say, so I said nothing.  I have never even gone out with this girl.  Really, I have no interest in her.  And God hasn't told me anything about her.   Nor do I feel ready for marriage.  What do I do or say?

[Gerard Henry]

You print out or memorize what you have posted on this site and communicate it to that sister.  You are not ready nor has God spoken to you.  Articulate what your focus is in this season of your life and go after God.  A sister who would communicate that information to you needs a little more spiritual growth and development.  If God has said it, He is more than able to bring it to pass without the "recipient" of the blessing to be the one to deliver that message.  

Stay focused my brother... stay encouraged.

Gerard Henry
awol4me.com

[Soulbear]

Gerard is right because if God  was speaking then He would speak to both people.  An example is Acts 9:6 and Acts 9:11.  Both people are on the receiving end of what God said.  Other people are communicating their own presumptions and not what the Lord has said.

[Minister]

I have a situation myself.  

When a woman who you have been friends with says that she already knows what your purpose in her life is, but doesn't share that with you, what does that mean? Does it mean that the Lord showed her that she is to be my wife?  I even asked her straight out one day, "Are you my wife?"  She responded by saying something to the effect that I should already know the answer to that question.  Someone help me please.

And why do women always interrupt you when you are trying to tell them something?  It's very rude and annoying.  I give them all the time in the world to say what they want to say and then when it's my turn to talk, I can barely get the first sentence out before they interrupt me and start talking again.  I think that is very rude!  

[Forum Administrator]

I have a situation myself.  

When a woman who you have been friends with says that she already knows what your purpose in her life is, but doesn't share that with you, what does that mean? Does it mean that the Lord showed her that she is to be my wife?  I even asked her straight out one day, "Are you my wife?"  She responded by saying something to the effect that I should already know the answer to that question.  Someone help me please.

And why do women always interrupt you when you are trying to tell them something?  It's very rude and annoying.  I give them all the time in the world to say what they want to say and then when it's my turn to talk, I can barely get the first sentence out before they interrupt me and start talking again.  I think that is very rude!  

Hello Minister. Please allow me to offer a female's perspective. Your friend may have made the statement to try to get a response from you. If you haven't already, you might ask her why she said that to you. If the Lord has shown your friend what your purpose is to be in her life, there really is no need for her to communicate that to you.

Answer to the second question: Does it mean that the Lord showed her that she is to be my wife? No! What you have been told is not enough for you to draw that conclusion. Also, you asked the wrong person the follow-up question (Are you my wife?). If you want to know if she is to be your wife, gather all the information that you have about her as your friend, along with what you know about yourself and the purpose that God has for you, and take all of that to God and ask Him the question. If you need direction or lack wisdom regarding a specific situation or question, ask God (Proverbs 3:5,6; James 1:5-8).

Why do women interrupt when you're trying to tell them something? It's all about learning how to communicate well, and that's a good skill for you both to work on whether your friend is to be your wife or not.  Each of you should practice your listening skills: let the other person speak, repeat back your understanding of what the person has said, clear up any misunderstanding if necessary, then respond. After you have finished speaking, let the other person repeat back to you what she has understood you to say, clear up any misunderstanding if necessary, then allow her to respond. It's a good exercise and it will help you both to see how differently men and women interpret what is said.  Keep in mind that women tend to be a lot more verbose than men, so be prepared to listen for longer intervals than her.

Stay tuned for additional responses from The Buoys...

[David Dupree]

Hello Minister,

  Your friend did not say that she knows what your purpose in her life "will be" but she says that she knows what your purpose in her life "is."    Therefore, whether there is a "to be"  or a "will be" is of no moment.  What she was talking about is what "is."
  As this is your friend, you should continue to be her friend and not worry about what God has told her about your purpose in her life.  More than anything, just be thankful to God that you are fulfilling your purpose in her life.  Also pray that you continue to do so.  
   And NO!  The fact that she knows your purpose in her life does not mean that the Lord showed her that she is to be your wife.  That sounds like the purpose for her in your life as opposed to the purpose for you in her life.  

But it sounds to me like you really need to do an assessment.  It sounds to me like you really believe that she could potentially be your wife or at least that there is more than basic friendship for you and for her.  Be certain that is what you want before you move forward.  Otherwise, you could run the risk of ruining a good friendship.  

As to her comment that you "should already know the answer to that question," unless she is with you 24/7 or unless she has a relationship with God that most of us only wish for, she has no idea whether you should know the answer to that question or not.  Continue to trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your or her understanding.  God will direct your path if you acknowledge Him in all of your ways.  (prov 3:5-6) If you have asked God, then listen for God's answer.  He will speak.  But as the old folks say, "He may not come when you call Him, but He's always there on time."    

dd  

p.s.  as to your other issue.  God wants to take you to another level of patience.  Once you get to the point that you are not annoyed by the interruptions, they will probably decrease if not cease.  Once you are viewed as respecting and valuing their opinion, the women will perceive what you have to say as being of value also.  The other thing that you have to remember is this...often women are seeking to emote through their talking. Sometimes that even involves repetition of things that may have just been said.  If you want to have successful relationships with women, then you will need to understand this need.  Their need to emote supercedes their need to have the issue resolved, even though you may have the quick, correct answer.
If you are under a time constraint and do not have the time to "hear it out" then by all means, be polite and excuse your point in.  But most of all, keep up the level of respect.

[Gerard Henry]

WOW.... I'm enjoying the nuggets of wisdom and truth being imparted here!  Minister, I do have a few questions for you.  

1.  How would you describe your friendship with this sister? Casual? Close?  Intimate?

2.  Based on the answer for #1, do you spend time together alone?  If so, how much time?

3.  Do you talk everyday?  If so, how long on avg?

The answers to these questions can help determine whether you are operating at a higher level of intimacy than what is appropriate for your "friendship".  I have learned that boundaries in relationships are very important especially with the opposite sex.  Having this sister clarify what your purpose is in her life can reveal a lot of information about the dynamic of your friendship.  

As a man of God, you want to purpose in your heart to walk in integrity, which means not misleading a sister intentionally or unintentionally.  I'm not suggesting this has happened but sometimes things can get confused.  Especially if you are a good listener and a sister feels like she can share intimate information with you.  

So be mindful, be honest, and continue to be a Man of God.

[Novelist]

In regards to everyone sharing their perspective on potential mates, I want to share something.  Firstly, I am a single woman and my bestfriend and I were talking one day about this young man who attends her church.  So, one day we started talking and I asked her, "How is he?" She said, "He is doing fine." Then, I told her to tell him I said hello, from there he was in my thoughts all the time, but here is the complex.  I never met him.  It seem as if he was in my thoughts on a regular basis and obviously I was on his mind because she would rely the message.  All of this time, we have been going back and forth because he is involved in the Army Services, so therefore, he is gone most of the time.  But, when he returned home, we did not connect yet.  Everytime something was going on, he was there, I was not or vice versa.  One day, my friend told me that someone had prophesied to him about me being his soulmate and I could not believe it.  I mean, I have feelings for this man, but I am coming to grips with myself as to why and how did this come to be.  Is it because of my own expectations?  I am not sure, that is what I am looking for.  Each time, we tried to meet, things would happen or the timing was wrong.  At times, I became discouraged because here I am liking to loving a man I never met or is it some fantasy?  My feelings for him is real, but we have not come close to meeting face to face yet.

I even wrote a letter to him and that is not my character to do so.  Until this day, he stills has my letter and I cannot believe it.  How could we fall for each other and never met before.  One funny story:  At my church, we had a Christmas Contada and my bestfriend and her boyfriend was there.  Before the concert was over, I was in the choir stand and seen them get up, then I wondered, "Where are they going?" so, after church I had to leave in a hurry because of my baby cousin.  I was parked on the side and did not realize where they had gone, but when I left they were still there.  The reason they walked out was to meet him outside, but I was wondering why didn't he come in the church?  It did not make sense to me.  My friend described the flowers he wanted to present to me, but I was gone.  The next day, we talked and I found out, and boy was I upset because that was our chance, but I had left and it seem like things were crazy.  They were calling my name and people told them that I was in the bathroom and I was not.  It was crazy on that night.

From the prophesy, I believed in my heart that I am the one for him, but is it too late or what?  It has been at least 5 years and at the beginning, he was in a relationship, but he has not been a relationship for a long time too.  From what my friend is telling me, it appears as if he feels the same as I do, but I want hear it for myself.  Should I continue to feel this way or just dump my feelings and move on?  To be honest, I don't want to.  In my heart, I feel that he does not want to give up as well, but the timing for us is wrong.  Deeply, my heart is rooted with him because I think about him, I cannot imagine someone else in his life  :'(and my friend also had a dream about us getting married and mentioned that when we meet, we are going to be together.  I am not sure where this is going, but I wanted to at least tell my story and this is only the beginning.  What should I do?  I trust what my friend is telling me, but I am not sure if she is exaggerating or what.

[ethereal]

Nov,

I won't tell you to seek God on this, b/c I know u will. I wil say this: Where are the rules that say God can't connect two people unless they've spent every day for three years in each others' presence? I think that there are times when we over-spiritualize our lives. Yes, it's paramount that we seek God for direction, but God also gave us a little ability to make rational decisions. My future mate and I have been attending the same church for 4 years and i never even knew she existed (i do NOT attend a mega church) and with me being in the Media ministry, I HAVE to see everyone. One day, as if a light switch were clicked on, i "noticed" her and from our first date, we knew where we were headed. As this brother has apparently been seeking you out and pursuing you, I don't think it would be unbiblical for you to take steps toward finding out what's really in his heart and if what you think is between you really is. One thing I know for sure is that if God intends something, it will come to pass. If you surrender the outcome to Him, it will "come out" exactly the way it's supposed to. Hope my rant helped!  

[ethereal]

Chosen,

I had the same thing happen to me. TWICE! The first time I got caught off guard b/c I was in the declining stages of a marriage and had been requesting (i'll explain shortly) a godly woman. Someone came along whom I had know for awhile and announced that God had told her that I was her husband (when we first met). Now for the explanation: I believe that I got bagged b/c my request was not a prayer and the enemy presented an "angel of light" that was just his twisted intentions in disguise. Glory to God that he brought my foolish self out of that mess before it was too late. The second incident was met with much greater success, as I had been down that road before. I'll tell you this: God may very well reveal you to your future mate before he reveals her to you but IT IS NOT HER PLACE TO SAY ANYTHING TO YOU! If she trusts God, she'll hear Him and imitate Mary and "keep these things in her heart" until God brings you along for the ride.