life after infidelity

[gilchristkristina]

Hello Brothers,
My husband and I are newly married. We are both saved. He got saved right before we got married and has been willingly attending Bible study, men's retreats and church. He does not have any relationships with other men who are saved. The only counsel he gets is from my uncle who is very busy and often unavailable. I truly believe that we grow and have a better resistance when we first have a relationship with God and secondly with other Christians. In the early stages of our relationship my husband cheated and lied to me repeatedly. I already had trust issues and him lying to me did not help. Also, everone around him (friends and family) are not saved and indulge in behavior that is contrary to how we are trying to live our lives. He has insane loyalties to his friends and doesn't understand that the devil comes in all forms. He is a great husband and father. I know he has grown tremendously but, I still have a hard time trusting him. Can you give us both some wisdom to deal with this situation. I love him and want to enjoy our new marriage free from suspicion. I also know that some of these issues come from myself and my past and I am working on it. Thank you.

[David Dupree]

Hi.

I read your post here and the one in the marital section.  Upon reading the later, I immediately had the thought, "give it time."  You said you are recently married.  And you said that he was recently saved before you got married. It is not scriptural, but the saying is true that Rome wasn't built in a day. :-)

I know that God has brought you and your relationship a mighty long ways. :-)  But you have to applaud your husbands accomplishments and remember to accentuate the positive...which is "he is a great husband and father."  No one is asking you to forget the infidelity etc.,  but you can forgive him completely, move on and trust again.  Rest in the fact that He who has begun a good work in your husband (and in you) is able to complete it.  Rest in the fact that the more God that your husband gets into him, the more he will lay aside every weight and sin that MAY so easily beset him. 

Don't count out his witness either.  Those other guys may come to know Jesus with your husband leading the way, shining his light.  Pray that he be that light to them. 

You can't speed his growth up directly.  But you may enhance it by doing as you stated and working on your  issues from yourself and your past.  But by all means, do not let the fact that you have not reconciled totally with your past be the greater reason why you wish him to sever ties with his past.  Yes, he may be around those who are not saved and indulging in contrary behavior, but it seems that the testimony is that your husband is not engaging in the contrary behavior.  :-) Let's celebrate that.  He will grow to the point where he doesn't want to be around it.  But until the weeds can be plucked, let the wheat and the tare grow together. :-)

Let me recommend to you the book
   
Forgive and Love Again: Healing Wounded Relationships  by Nieder, John, and Thompson, Thomas


dd

[gilchristkristina]

Thank you so much! As I was reading your response, I immediately thought about Jesus and how He was criticized for associating with the "wrong" crowd. My husband is a leader and God is all powerful and knowing! Thank you very much for your wisdom!