Men and Sex

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Men and Sex

by Barbara Rainey

May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine.

Song of Solomon 1:2

A sphere in which we wives, for the most part, do not really understand our husbands is in how their identities as men are vitally linked to their sexuality. Sometimes we women judge our husbands' sexual needs by our own.

Many wives express that they are offended because their husbands are such sexual creatures. This attitude communicates rejection to a man. To ignore his sexual needs, to resist his initiation of sex, or merely to tolerate his advances, is to tear at the heart of his self-esteem.

In her book To Have and To Hold, Jill Renich states, "Sex is the most meaningful demonstration of love and self-worth. It is a part of his own deepest person." And Dr. Joyce Brothers writes, "By and large, men are far more apprehensive when it comes to sex than a woman might believe."

Those statements seem contrary to popular belief, don't they? Modern men are portrayed via the media as always being confident and assertive sexually.

George Gilder said in Men and Marriage:

The truth is, the typical man worries a lot. He worries about his sexual performance, his wife's enjoyment, and his ability to satisfy her. A man who feels like a failure in the marriage bed will seldom have the deep, abiding self-respect for which he longs.

But, as Jill Renich writes, "To receive him with joy, and to share sexual pleasure builds into him a sense of being worthy, desirable and acceptable." To please your husband sexually is to build his sense of value as a man.

As you spend time together physically, be sure to reassure your husband verbally of your unconditional acceptance of him, especially if he is insecure in this area. Tell him that you like his body and that his imperfections and mistakes don't matter to you. His confidence will grow if you allow him the freedom to be himself and to be imperfect.



Discuss: Have you understood how your husband's sexual need is linked to his identity as a man? Is he confident in this area? Discuss this together as a couple.

Pray: That God would give you the ability and the desire to meet your husband's needs while also experiencing fulfillment in this area.

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Excerpted from "Moments Together for Couples" by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.
Used with permission. Copyright 1995 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. All
rights reserved.