?

[sagesong]

?

[saved]

Yes til death unless otherwise stated in the word of God (which there is). When things are going bad in your marriage that's when you need to be on your face seeking God...and if you have already been on your face then stay on your face...dont get up! Trials aren't a reason/excuse to leave a marriage. Trials are a reason to continue working toward the success of your marriage and to show God's love and faithfulness to your spouse.

Put it this way..... we all have trials as followers of Christ...but does that mean we should leave him or that he doesn't love us? Absolutely not!!!!! 

You hang in there! Distance yourself from people who are trying to hinder the success of your marriage. And above all else make God's word and ways the model for which you uphold your marriage!

This isn't the first trial for you and this wont be the last trial. You're going to always have trials, married or not... in this marriage or another one. However how you relate to and handle the trials dictates the level of success your marriage/family will have. Keep going..... I know you have a desire for your marriage to work and it will!

[sagesong]

I was trying to add some additional information to clarify.   I didn't know I had erased to whole post.  Now I don't remember what I had originally said. 

Still, I posted as IEve a few year ago under How are you so sure?  At that time, I explained how God had revealed to me who my husband was.  To make a long story short, I hard an audible voice in church.  Well, I did not marry that man.  First, a short time after my experience, he married someone else.  Also, I did not have romantic feelings toward him.  I sought advice from several people including Deep Waters.  Well, given the input of others, I decided it must not have beenGod after all. 

Well, I eventually got married to someone else.  Now, my marriage is in turmoil constantly.  I can't help, but wonder if I went against God's will. 

The man that I thought God said was my husband is now divorced.  Further complicating matters. 

My question is still how do I know if I am where I am supposed to be.  Should my marriage be this difficult if I am in God's will?

[saved]

Wassup Sagesong,

Good question.....however I dont know if anyone here at DW can tell you if you're where you're suppose to be as far as your marriage is concerned. Of course we can give godly advice and a bit of direction but ultimately your answer will come from God himself.

I guess when Jesus was on the cross he wondered the same thing? Lord is this really your will since I have to die....but the purpose behind his death was greater than the current situation he had to endure. I dont know God's will for your marriage but I'll say this....I've seen marriages go through the worse possible situations and their marriage still be God ordained and still come out on top with victory. Did you think God was joking when he said "for better or for worse".....now that you're in the worse of your marriage I think your question to God should be "Lord how do we fix this."

Sure there are a lot of things that could be said about your marriage and what you have shared. Things that could have you to believe your marriage is not the will of God but then there are things that could be said to have you believe your marriage is the will of God. This is why you have to place yourself in a position and be still until God gives you guidance! Which I am praying is for your marriage to go forth!

I sense you want your marriage to work (of course) and you have a willing heart but there are things that have occurred that are out of your control... that's no time to wonder that's time to commit yourself to be more like Christ in uncertain times.  Sure its easier said then done to say be like Christ while all hell is breaking loose in your marriage but its the best thing for you and I promise you if you walk in his ways you will have no regrets!

Right now your husband needs to see a wife who honors God and her vows made to him on you all's wedding day. He needs to see this so he can begin to honor you the way Christ has called him to do so and so that he can walk in the ways Christ has for his life.

Be strong and fight the enemy for your marriage....even if your husband wont because until God says otherwise this is your reasonable service!!!!

Remember your scripture below!

Not sure if I've help much but I hope I have.

Also I would love to see what others have to say on Sagesong's post. Help a sista out...because when a marriage is in its ugly times a sistah needs all the help she can get to keep her grounded and believing!

Hang in there Sagesong! Help and hope are at your fingertips and mouth...the word of God and prayer!!!

[David Dupree]

How can gold be pure?  It has to go through the refiner's fire. 

How can pottery come out best?  By having pressure applied to it as it is molded by the potter. 

You can pray against that storm, but in the meantime, you put up an umbrella and keep on trucking. 

Sounds to me that God wants to use you/your husband/your marriage to help others.  One way to do that is experientially.  Yes, you have to endure certain things in order to help others in an empathetic manner.  You will really know what they are talking about and be able to say, been there; done that. 

I just pray that your husband is on board with this and understands this to be part of his purpose also.  One thing for sure:  God will/does get the glory! 

Keep focused on Jesus like Peter was instructed to do.  Don't sink; swim!!! 

Remember...many are the plans in your heart; but the purposes of the Lord shall prevail.   

God's way is the best way!!  Hang on in there.

In the meantime, pay no attention to the distractions that the enemy would send your way.  The enemy would love to flaunt it in your face that dude is divorced and available.  But he isn't available to you cause you have your God-blessed husband.   Do not let the enemy creep up on you like that.  You pay attention to him and you will surely be headed down a slippery slope toward sin.  Resist and flee.  Flee youthful lusts. 

And yes, we are here for you!!  Stay close and keep us posted.

ddupree

[Forum Administrator]

Hi sagesong. I'm chiming in a bit late, but I'm chiming in all the same. Thanks for trusting us enough to share. You've probably already come to this conclusion already, but just in case you haven't... the other guy who is now divorced has no part in this equation. Cast that particular "what if/hmmm" thought down and leave it down there. He is not a consideration. If you allow your thoughts to wander that way, you are going to create a big problem for yourself and your marriage.

Secondly, let me say that even when we have a God-approved spouse, expect trouble... especially in the early parts/years of the marriage. This is the side of the story that most married couples won't tell. But the truth is that many new marriages flounder and fail in the early years. There are many reasons for this. One is that you've got two very different individuals who are now living together under the same roof in a committed, legal, obligatory relationship (and it doesn't matter how much in common you have, you're still very different just by virtue of the fact that you are female and he is male). Becoming "one flesh" is an exciting thought (for most) especially if the thought is dwelling on the physical aspect of coming together sexually. However, becoming one is a difficult process. It's a coming together of more than just the physical. It involves (among other things) a coming together of purpose, perspective and passion.

Another reason marriage especially in the early years is difficult is because, not matter how grounded we are, we come into the marriage with expectations and chances are, those expectations will not be met in full. Unmet expectations can lead to disappointment. Disappointment sometimes leads to doubt and disillusionment (i.e. What have I done? Did I make a mistake? Who is this person? Maybe I should have married Bro. X/Sis. Y). Disillusionment often leads to resentment (i.e. S/he is not who they said they were. Therefore, s/he lied to/deceived me. Therefore, s/he is a fake. How could s/he treat me like this? I thought s/he loved me. Etc., etc., etc..) Resentment can lead to (emotional and/or) physical abandonment. (Emotional and/or physical abandonment) can lead to divorce.

Here's yet another reason: you have an enemy that wants your marriage destroyed. Even if you picked the wrong person (and I'm not suggesting you did), the enemy would still be against your marriage because marriage is God ordained and the devil is automatically against anything God has instituted. There are other reasons too: selfishness/lack of consideration, immaturity, pride, and the list goes on.

So, what do you do. 1) Make up your mind to stay. If you entertain the thought of leaving or getting out of the marriage because things are not going well, it will only be a matter of time before the "D" word ('divorce') comes up and out of your mouth. Right now, you may be fighting and uphill battle. But once that "D" word starts getting thrown around, you'll be fighting a downhill battle.  You'll be surprised at how your perspective can change once you make up your mind to stick with it. 2) Make up your mind to do your part. You practice those things that you want to receive. The scriptural principle works here as well: give and it shall be given to you (Luke 6:38). Notice I didn't say, 'feel' your part. Do what God is requiring of you even in spite of how you feel. One of the things I took away from Patricia Ashley's cd "Experiencing A Fulfilled Marriage" is that we will have to answer to God for how we treat our husbands/wives. (Information for this cd is listed on the Deep Waters Marriage Resource page and I highly recommend it.)

What you want is a strong marriage. How will it get that way? Resistance. Change. Pressure. Struggle. Growth. Adaptation. And so on. If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small (Proverbs 24:10). If your strength is small, that's not an indictment; that's an opportunity for improvement. Hang in there! You are not without help! 

[sagesong]

I don't have an issue with staying married, even through the difficult times.  I love my husband.  We were very good friends before we decided to marry.  I knew who my husband is.  I knew it would not be easy being his help mate.  My question doesn't come out of the problems we are having. 


I am not now, nor have I ever being romantically involved or interested in the other man.   I never dreamed of being his spouse.  I never longed for him, etc.  My problem doesn't come out of a longing for someone else.

My problem come from the essential question -- Is there one person God would have each of us to marry?  If so, what happens if you marry someone else?  Are you being disobiedient to God? 

I want to be sure that we are going through what we are going through because we are IN the will of God.  Not because we are outside of his will.

[Forum Administrator]

Hi sagesong. The fulfillment of the will of God is never dependent on one person. Mordecai told Esther, (and I paraphrase) if you don't carry out the will of God, somebody else will do it (Esther 4:13). When Elijah was thinking he was the "only one," God let him know that He had thousands of others who He could use to get the job done (1 Kings 19:14-18). If it were true that there was only one person who could fulfill the role of spouse, then there would not have been any accounts in the scripture of people remarrying (e.g. Ruth, Abigail) because they would have then been marrying outside of the will of God. There is not only one person who can be suitable for marriage. As we follow God's guidance in this area, He leads us to a person who is suitable for helping you to carry out His purpose and for whom you are suitable.

I think your focus is misguided in trying to determine if you're having problems because you are or are not in the will of God. What will happen if you come to the conclusion that you are not in the will of God? What happens then? How will that change what you have to do in your marriage now?

Also, to clarify what I said in my previous post re: the other guy, I was responding to

The man that I thought God said was my husband is now divorced.  Further complicating matters.

Basically, what I'm saying is what is happening or not happening in the other guy's marriage has absolutely nothing to do with you. Why would his divorce further complicate your matters?