single woman chasing my husband

[momof3]

Can you please advise me on how to handle a single woman who is chasing my husband?  Actually, she was for a time stalking him.  He only knows her because she works for the people we rent office space from and has only spoken to her twice, and I was present at those times.  I am guessing she thinks he has money and I am sure the enemy is working in her to tear my family apart.  My husband says he has no interest in her whatsoever and can't seem to understand why she would be interested in him.  This is the second time a single/divorced woman has tried to break up my marriage.  I am to the point I want to take my family to an island somewhere away from other people!!!  We are in a small town and the divorce rate is high, so this is not uncommon--unfortunately.  He avoids running into her; however, I have found her following us, driving out of her way to drive past his vehicle, showing up "out of nowhere" at ball games, and for months we had hang-up calls every day.  Why do single women want married men, and what can my husband and I do to ensure this does not happen again??  Thanks for your help!

[David Dupree]

Hi momof3 and welcome to DeepWaters!

According to your post, your husband has only spoken to this woman twice and both times were in your presence.  If this is true, then it seems to me that you could easily be jumping to conclusions.  You say it is a small town.  What makes you think that she is coming to the ballgames just for your husband?  What makes you think that in a small town your cars wouldn't be in the same neighborhoods from time to time?  You said that she works for the people you rent office space from.  Sounds like possible interaction there if she has cause to visit your building on behalf of her employer. 

What about the phone calls?  Do you have caller ID or have you star 69'd these calls?  From your posting, it seems to me like you don't know who made these hang-ups.  You are just assuming. 

Sounds to me like you are suffering from why my pastor calls "premeditated worry!"   

Don't let the enemy plague you in your mind with stuff that isn't an issue.  If you want to have trouble in your marriage then start inventing trouble where there is none. 

Quit guessing!  And get out of the mind of the enemy and get into the mind of God. 


dd

[momof3]

I regret posting this question as it is obvious I can not explain the situation adequately.  Yes, we did get a caller ID; however, the phone has to ring more than once for a number to show up.  The phone does not ring long enough to show a number.  Many times these calls were upon her immediate arrival or immediate departure of our building.  As far as football games go, when there are literally 1,000 fans there and somehow she manages to show up standing 5 feet behind him I have to wonder.  When he is parked behind the building and she drives completely out of her way to drive all the way around past his car rather than exiting as normal I have to wonder.  I could go on but I get the impression that you simply do not understand.  I believe that the Lord gives us instincts for a reason.  I believe He alerts us to danger.  And I am grateful that my husband is sensitive to my feelings on this issue.  Women do know other women, just like men know other men.  When it is to the point I can predict a woman's movements, actions or words toward my husband, then I believe my judgement as to their motive is reliable.  There is not room in this forum to go into every detail.  I am sorry that I cannot explain the situation well enough, and I, again, regret even posting the question.

[Forum Administrator]

Hello momof3. The reality is that marriages--especially Christian marriages--are under strategic attack. If the enemy knows that he cannot tempt you or your husband to be unfaithful, he will attempt to sow seeds of distrust with the hope of creating discord within your marriage. The enemy goes about "roaring" (through others) to disturb your peace, but all he is doing is roaring. This woman may be doing some "roaring" of her own in an attempt to distract or attract your husband and disturb your peace, but all she is doing is roaring.  At the end of the day, you have your husband and he has you and all the roaring in the world need not affect that. Greater is He that is in you (and your marriage) than he that is roaring/stalking in or through someone else.

Since it does not sound as if this woman has done anything that can prove a direct advance, it is best that you do not address her directly. If things were to escalate to the point where she made a direct advance towards your husband, then she should be confronted and set straight directly by your husband. There are times when direct confrontation is necessary, but this does not sound like one of those times. If she can be proven to be a stalker there are measures in the law that can restrain her from doing that.

You and your husband should continue to be loving, encouraging and supportive of one another. While the situation may be irritating to you, stand in the confidence that it does not bear any great importance on the status of your relationship with your husband. Also, keep in mind that if she has designs on your husband and is seeing your husband with you enjoying yourselves and your marriage, she would be the one who would be even more irritated and uncomfortable than you because she would be seeing what she wants and does not have. If she is driving around to cross your path, it's her gas she's burning and not a penny is coming out of your pocket.  Let her burn up her gas if she wants to. If she is the one is calling and hanging up, it's her dime. If she wants to waste her time going after what she cannot have, that is her problem and deficiency, not yours. Don't make it yours.

If you see this woman as a tool of attack against and an enemy of your marriage, pray for her because that is a pitiful condition for her to be in. Your irritation is an opportunity to show grace. Pray for your "enemy" and know that no weapon that is formed against you and your marriage will prosper. Keep your marriage and husband covered in prayer. There are a lot of women in the world, and some of them are not as scrupulous in their dealings with married men as they should be. That may never change. Try not to focus on what the enemy might be doing to try to break your family apart. Instead, focus on what God wants to do in and through your marriage and allow these types of irritations to bind you and your husband closer together instead of breaking you apart.

[momof3]

Thank you, Aleathea for your encouraging words.  Believe me when I say that my husband and I are working very hard to remain strong.  Our marriage and our family is too important. 

It is sad that some people, both men and women, like to chase those who are married.  For them it is the challenge, the thrill of the chase, the "taboo."  My husband and I have been married for 21 years.  In the last five he has been pursued by two women.  The first one finally gave up after a year, and moved on to someone else who was married.  His marriage is now torn apart and he has moved in with this woman.

This second woman has slowed down in her pursuit, thanks to an idea I had recently.  Since I could count on her to drive around back, the way I can count on the sun to come up, I purposely parked my car around back and my husband left roses on my windshield.  She drove around back and I watched her out the window.  She was MAD!!!  Her mouth was open, she was shaking her head looking at the roses.  She has pretty much quit driving around back now since that happened.  But the other day she thought she would get to "run into" him until I intercepted and diverted him in a different direction.  I also suspect this woman doesn't think she has to do a lot of direct flirting or advances since she dresses in a VERY provocative manner.   

I am not looking for trouble, as was alluded to in the first response to my post.  I am trying to find out if there is anything else my husband and I can do to show this woman that we do not appreciate her trying to interfere.  Your prayers would be appreciated, that I can forgive her and that the enemy will leave her alone.  My husband and I plan to be together when we are little, old people sitting in rockers on the front porch!!  I just want everyone else to understand that.

[Forum Administrator]

You're welcome. You know, good really does defeat evil and roses on the windshield is about as good as it gets.  Here's to ice cold glasses of something good and rockers on the front porch. 

We bear one anothers' burdens and I will be lifting you,  your husband and your marriage up in my prayers. I ask that all who read this post do the same.