Am I Pretty Enough...

[Shunamitegrl]

I heard a very popular preacher speak on relationships a while ago and one thing that has stuck with me since then is a point he made about  how we as women approach relationships. Usually the underlying question women are motivated by when dealing with men is "Am I pretty enough?" (i.e. for men, the speaker said the question is "Am I good enough?")

The speaker then walked us through the scriptures helping both the men and women find the answer to these questions and then encouraged us to continue to affirm ourselves and allow the Holy Ghost to strengthen our character and personalities so that we are not so easily caught up in the whole carnal competition.

Although I've come a long way with esteem issues from childhood (a looong way, praise God) when I survey what's happening around me, it seems now more than ever the fight to be the most attractive has increased...it's all about being visually appetizing to men and even some of the most God-fearing brothers are falling prey to this, instead of looking for the one they can fulfill their destiny with, regardless of how she is shaped, if her hair is long, or if she is well endowed; they're looking for the one who will look good in all the latest fashion standing at his side while he wins the world for Jesus. And as far as I have come, I have found myself experiencing that pressure again, unhappy with my weight loss, fighting the desire to try a more quick but unhealthy route to being "skinny" again in order to even be considered in the game...

yes all of that is a lie from the devil! but how do I (we) stand and fight and walk in godly confidence, accepting myself as I am especially when I seem to go totally unnoticed by the opposite sex? I guess I'm a little discouraged tonite..  

[Vikki Johnson]

Yes, the world is preoccupied with looks and there are some people in church consumed with the same perspective.  However, while looking your best is important, it's not the main thing.

The Bible declares in 1 Peter 3:3-4 DO NOT LET YOUR ADORNMENT BE MERELY FOCUSED ON OUTWARD APPEARANCE, RATHER LET IT BE THE HIDDEN PERSON OF THE HEART WITH THE INCORRUPTIBLE BEAUTY OF A GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT WHICH IS VERY PRECIOUS IN THE SIGHT OF GOD.

All that God has prepared for you is waiting for you to get ready.  Sis, when Ruth is ready Boaz will come.  When the film is developed completely, the picture will appear for all to see.   Trust me, you only want to be noticed by the man that God has ordained to complement the best in you.  You are beautiful and valuable NOW!

God has you hidden in Him until the "set time".  The best parts of you have been preserved.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and right now, you are the apple of God's eye!

[Shulamitegrl]

Wow Vicki..that was beautiful. and I'm making myself a poster for my wall now with that scripture on it! God bless u abundantly for such a rhema word response.  

[hebrew_sista]

being a hebrew israelite, i am required by the Most High to follow the 613 laws in the bible, and one of them is to dress modestly which does not make my attire "hot" to the male gender but i do not mind because i do not dress myself to attract a male, i dress myself in a way that is shows my devotion to the Most High and His Son.

in addition to the scripture that the moderator posted,  Matthew 23 speaks on temporarily fixing up the outside when the inside may be in desperate need of repair:

25   Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.
26   Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also.
27   Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness

and also isaiah 3

16   Moreover the LORD saith, Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, and walk with stretched forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, and making a tinkling with their feet:
17   Therefore the LORD will smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion, and the LORD will discover their secret parts.
18   In that day the Lord will take away the bravery of their tinkling ornaments about their feet, and their cauls, and their round tires like the moon,
19   The chains, and the bracelets, and the mufflers,
20   The bonnets, and the ornaments of the legs, and the headbands, and the tablets, and the earrings,
21   The rings, and nose jewels,
22   The changeable suits of apparel, and the mantles, and the wimples, and the crisping pins,
23   The glasses, and the fine linen, and the hoods, and the vails.
24   And it shall come to pass, that instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of a girdle a rent; and instead of well set hair baldness; and instead of a stomacher a girding of sackcloth; and burning instead of beauty.

The Most High wants us to keep Him first and as the moderator said, and when He deems our time has come to have a good man, He will send one to us but in the meantime, i will continue to be humble and still and devoted in my praise of Him

[Novelist]

I have the same issues with myself as well.  Do I look good enough?  Am I too fat?  Will I ever meet the man of my heart?  All of these things I have come across and still do sometimes.  You are not alone.  Most times,  I do not feel good enough or worthy to be with anyone.  I know it is the devil planting those seeds in my head and once again I fall into the trap.  For a long time, I have not had a boyfriend, not even a date, so what does that say about a young lady as myself?  I am 25 years old and haven't had a boyfriend since I was at least 22 and from then, I doubted myself.

I completely understand what you are going through because I do all I can to look good for me because I like nice clothes and take pictures sometimes.  I know the importance of feeling good on the inside, but I can't help to think about someone actually saying something nice to me or giving me a compliment at least half the time.  It has been a while and most times I cannot receive a compliment because of my own insecurities.  The competition in the world is based on looks.  Who is skinny, thin, finest cars and has the latest fashions.  Most people are looking for trophies to put on display, but what about the diamonds in the rough?  Women like you and me?  Write back soon.

[Novelist]

My thoughts on myself are night bright as well.  I want to feel pretty and worthy of someone's love and affection.  Sometimes, I cry or wonder why I am not as beautiful as the next woman.  I look at other women who are walking down the street, at the movies, shopping in the mall, or at church and wonder how did she do it?  What am I doing wrong?  I try to look nice, smell good, and carry myself, but I have too many issues right now.  Honestly, I have a problem with relationships, opening myself, sleeping at night, going through the motions.  There is so much I need to do, it is more than a soap opera.  The young and the dateless.  This is my episode.  For a long time, I wanted to date and be married by the age of 25 at least.  I am 25 right now, so that did not work out.  Most times, I do not feel pretty enough.  As if my face turns the heads away.  I want that male attention, but do not get it.  Is it me?  What am I doing wrong?  If people say that I am beautiful, I do not feel like it.  

Every once and a while, I feel pretty, but this season, I am dry.  Without water dry.  Do I need to lose weight? wear my hair differently? change my style, which is already a nice style, so I probably don't need to change that.  I can have a crush on someone, but he is unbecoming, taken as in dating or married, gay, beyond my dreams, or I don't exist.  Either one, I feel left out of the league because my looks does not appeal to the eyes of men.  I do not want to attract the wrong men  of course, but at least, nice decent men with something going for themselves.  A man with good integrity, morals, commitment, nice, handsome, and if he is not where he should be in the lord, he is striving to become that.  How hard is that?  I mean, it's hard enough,  but I am not superficial like that.  I am a simple woman who wants a man to love me with all his heart and I will do that same.  My singleness has been hard for me, for years because I always wanted that high school sweetheart relationship or that first crush relationship to blossom into marriage.  I am not ready for marriage right now, but at least have a date.  That is horrible if I do not have a date for 3 years.  I am trying to get over it, but it is not easy being single because I desire to share my heart and values with someone.  Can you help me?

[HarvestNoel]

Thank you vikki I needed to read that.  I am dealing with esteem issues right now even at 42 years old, but I know that
the Lord will help me to overcome them in His name.

[Gracious]

Hello "Leading Ladies":


First, I'd like to say, that I'm new to this on-line spiritual communication...sooooooo please bare with me

Have you ever been in a room full of people (a sanctuary for instance...before service has started) and a woman walks through the doors, simultaneously, every eye is on her and remains on her - off and on throughout the entire service!!!

Well!!! I've been told...that woman has been me...(ALL MY LIFE !!!)  

Please know that I harbor no illusions about my physical appearance, it is simply that I've been blessed with wise women who have trained me to understand, how to properly adorn my temple to present myself publicly. My mom & dad, ALWAYS told me how beautiful & talented I was (growing up), and it stuck (in my spirit). I believe that there are woman in this world that are gifted differently than I, but never better than I.

To many reading this, your conclusions might lean towards arrogance (with reference to what I've written thus far), I pray not!!!

For every woman reading these words, if you gain nothing else from my sharing...receive the understanding that beauty, as in worldly beauty, is fragile/temporal/fleeting. Spiritual beauty, on the other hand, is eternal...it transcends the natural (the eye-service of both men & women), and contrary to popular belief, THAT is what most people truly admire.

When you know that you know..."WHO's " you are, the SPIRIT of the Lord continually walks before you, and FAVOR follows.

With Much Love,

Gracious