Sexual Desires

[Novelist]

Sometimes, I feel like I want to have sex.  I know it is wrong, yet my flesh is getting those desires.  There are possibilities, but sometimes I would say no, then I would say yes.  I want to feel loved and be in love, but I am impatient.  I want to wait because I want to fall in love the next time and make it last for a lifetime.  I have prayed and prayed, yet my hormones are out of control sometimes.  Even in the midnight hour, I have thoughts and fantasies with the man of my dreams.  At times, I wish I was married so that I can be free to do so, but it does not seem promising.  I am 25 years old and I have been desiring to be married for at least 3 years.  In the past, I had unsuccessful relationships and I am displeased with my love life, which affects my sexual hunger.  I am holding on, I am trying, that's all I can do.  I know about fornication and and the other sins, but I wonder sometimes, why do I have to go through this for so long when I am a woman who desires love and affection, without a date for years, then I have to wait another 10 years or so, just to embrace someone.  It is challenging, but I am working on myself.  

My emotions are apart of these desires because I am romantic and want to experience the fullness of love.  It's like I am going crazy .  I mean, I want to wait until marriage, but I am not sure if I can hold out that long as I professed before.  I do not want to lie to myself, but I am a sexual person in a sense.  I am not someone who would go out there and be with anyone, but it would be with someone I know and care for at least.  Pray for me.  Pray for me.  I am praying for me.  I need all the strength I can get in order to stay in the race.  My emotions and my loneliness contribute to these desires because I want to feel loved and cherished.  I haven't had a relationship which made me feel like the queen of his heart.  I am battling, fighting, combating, and hanging in there.  Help!  

[ReeC]

WOW, that was some hard honesty..... truth is and it is a hard truth, when we have opened that door outside of marriage... it can be a whopper to close.  Too often we suggest to ourselves who we are, but what does God say?  You can't feed the flesh with words that don't fortify where you are trying to go in God.... the word says He is able to keep you from falling and present you FAULTLESS with exceeding joy.  Yes, reality is we go throuh in our flesh.... but true deliverance is a state of mind.  It is saying, yes.... I like it, I enjoy it.... but God I love you, so I don't do it.  I don't lend myself to it, I don't think of it, fantasize about it.... I push myself to the word.  The word will cause you to hunger more and crave more of God.  It will keep you from wanting to experience the guilt and shame that the enemy sends along w/the sin.  The word will push you into desiring more, because now you are craving God like never before.  Yes, we all have struggles and yes we all have a past.... but truth is, He came that we might have life and that more abundantly..... He has not put on us more than we can bear, so if you encounter a situation...... praise God, He has equipped you to handle it..... God has enlarged you enough to keep you when you don't even desire to be kept. He has fortified you enough in the word, that when temptation meets opportunity.... you can look the situation in the face and say, I shall not be moved.  You can stand... having done ALL to stand and know that the work that God has started, He is going to finish and that He doesn't make junk.  Don't be discouraged, get in the word, surround yourself w/people that are focused and if you can't find a focused friend, just ask God to help you to be so rooted, that you won't be moved or swayed by your emotions.  The word says that He knows the thoughts that He thinks towards you and that is thoughts of peace, and if you are not in peace..... you need to line up w/Gods thinking about you.  So often we beat ourselves up and we allow the guilt of sin to cripple us and we accept that we are just here and not getting better... the devil is still a liar.. God is our help. He is Emanuel, God with us.... He will never leave us or forsake us, HE is faithful, not because we are so good, but He is good.  Be encouraged my sister..... having the desire isn't sin..... it is how you respond to the desire that determines if it becomes SIN........ I am praying for you and that the Peace of God would rest in your life and that the plan of God would not be hindered and that your faith would not be moved, in Jesus name.
amen

[Novelist]

Thank God for praying women as yourself.  I truly give honor to God for continuing to work in me because I need to renew my mind and strength.  So many times I begin to think of the wrong images and wish that I can enjoy that moment, but realizing that it is wrong, I have to step back.  On several occasions, I have been tempted because it has been a while since I was intimate with a man.  At the age fo 21 is when my virginity was no longer apart of me and at that time, I was active with my boyfriend at the time.  Sexual desires were controlling me.  I wanted to have sex all the time just to feel that love and physical connection.  It was wrong.  For so long, I struggled and struggled, even now, I am struggling with sexual thoughts, but I am fighting back.  I realize that God is with me and he will perform a good work in me.  Temptation can be hard to resist because of its appeal and emotional attachment.  Oftentimes, I have fallen into traps and soon felt the guilt afterwards.  

Again, I am not perfect and I want to do the will of God, but my flesh was boiling inside because I wanted a relationship with someone so that I can share myself, but it is wrong.  I am praying and resisting as much as possible.  With all of my strength, I am pressing to get past this and wait on marriage.  That is my earnest desire is to wait for marriage because I know it will be pleasing to God and of course, I will fall in love for the right reasons, not because of sex.  So, thank you ReeC for your insight and inspiration because it is not easy to resist all the time, but when other people beside myself are praying, it means that we are strong for one another.  Thank you so much and continue to pray for me as I grow closer to God.  

[bishopbiscuits]

You have a brother praying for you too!

.......I can identify with your struggle. My story is a little different. I first "knew"  someone before I got into my teens. If it had not been for moving to a new city, and Christ coming into my life at thirteen, I would be a very different person.
.......Thankfully, in that year I took some time daily to seek God. I would read scripture, sing to Him, pray, and just enjoy intimate time with Jesus. For a time, my life was simple again.
........As I got a little older, the true tension began between what I believed and what I felt I wanted.
It became a real war. I loved the peace and joy I had when I freely came before God, but I wanted to explore other types  of intimacy as well.
........God's faithfulness in the midst of my indecision, backsliding, rebelliousness, and self pity have helped me to choose obedience instead of sacrifice. He ministered to me in my weakness until I chose to let Him be my strength.
.........Our thought life is the foremost battleground. Do you remember Matthew 19:16-26? It refers to the rich man who asked Jesus what he must do to have eternal life. What are our own personal "riches" ? When I truly reflect on what it means to be and stay 'sold out' to God, I am humbled by the idea of the ongoing submission to God of everything. Every thought, every feeling, every situation must be put before Him, because we are not our own, but bought with a price.
........To keep from taking up too much space, I'll offer some ideas that help me.

1. Sometimes I think of certain emotional areas as 'puppies'. Care must be used because they are an everyday part of our lives. Discipline/correction must be used so that they  stay within established boundaries, and remain more of a blessing than a curse.

2. I  find that sometimes when I have been too busy and have neglected myself, I am more vulnerable to relaxing my way into compromise. I have to sincerely call Jesus into the midst of my thoughts and feelings at times when I am bombarded, because I don't want to sin against Him.  

3.I believe that as part of a royal priesthood, I have an accountability and a responsibility to God for how I 'minister' in everyday life to others. Selfishness can make me insensitive and totally unaware of other's needs. However, if I check my motives, I am reminded more of how God prepares us to sow into peoples' lives. Choosing to have righteous fellowship, even when in different levels of closeness, does not always immediately quiet the swirl of thoughts and emotions that we have. It does get easier and it does not have the side-effects of fixing the relationship(s) affected by compromise.
.....So please, remember that God wants and knows what's best for us. Withhold nothing from Him, and no good thing will He withhold from you. Be encouraged   You are definitely not alone in your fight. Let the Rock of Our Salvation support you in the midst of quicksand.

[ethereal]

One more Brother in the fray!

BB,
I'm there with ya!

Nov,
One thing that I've come to grips with is this: no matter how good it may feel to satisfy the desire of the flesh, how you feel afterwards never, ever makes it worthwhile. It is not "fun" or "satisfying" to be on your face before God, crying your eyes out b/c you've let Him down. There's nothing "contented" about completely ruining your witness and having to see that person on a constant basis. Been there, done that. Got the t-shirt, mug, hat AND the snowglobe! There isn't one solitary moment of physical intimacy outside of marriage that I wouldn't snatch back if I had the chance!

[Xanadu012]

Dearest Novelist -- thank you so much for your honesty.  This is my first posting on deep waters, but yours is exactly what I was looking for.  As a single Christian whose committed to living completely for the Lord and all that it entails this can often be a lonely road to travel.  I don't know many people who are courageous enough to post their struggles with sexual desire even though all of us are searching for answers. Once again thank you.   A while ago I read a book entitled "Lady in Waiting" by Debby Jones & Jackie Kendall.  The entire book is awesome and well worth reading, but one part in particular caught my attention.  The authors wrote about "prenuptial fantasies" and how these fantasies provide an escape but are dangerous to our emotional well-being.  The suggested solution was daily taking out thoughts to the Lord.  The thought of confessing such thoughts to the Lord on a daily basis was sobering, not to mention embarassing.  But I'm thankful for the accountability.  Just knowing that I have to "face" the Lord in prayer often (not always) limits these thoughts that I have.  Finally I would like to share with you a wonderful promise from the Lord.  While I was crying one night about my own sexual desires and not knowing what to do about them Psalm 107:9 was impressed upon my spirit.  It says "For He satisfies the longing soul,  And fills the hungry soul with goodness."  The Lord knows our heart as well as our needs and desires.  But His main concern is conforming us into His image.  

Many Blessings
Xanadu012

[Novelist]

Brutal honesty is what we should live more.  Speaking about sexual pleasures may not appeal to the ears of people who rather hide than share their experience.  I have no problem with this because my story can tell someone's life.  Maybe the life you are living is similar to mine and when we are able to talk about it, we can exchange these point of views.  I am not proclaiming to be the perfect christian, simply, I want to show that I want to improve and allow God to saturate me with his ways.  This will not be an easy journey, but God is with me and he is with you too!! He cares about us.  At times, we tend to forget how special we are and how much potential we have.  Being a woman and a christian has its challenges, but God is still here.  Sexual sin to me is one of the biggest issues.  

I am striving with God's strength to be celibate and celebrate my singleness, my individuality, and continue to walk in confidence.  I am glad to have presented my story as a way of reaching you and hopefully your story will change lives or spark conversation as well.  I believe that we are capable of influencing one another with our testimony.  God bless you and let's pray for one another as he continues to strengthen us to break strong for one another.  Besides, he commands us to bear the infirmities of the weak.  Good day!!!